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All created stories have to follow . We do not allow any sexually related material. The Doll Palace will be enforcing this rule and completely blocking access to the accounts that disregard our policy and create sexually oriented stories.
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Hi, my name is Carrot
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 | The World of Carrot--1-- |
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 4.83 with 6 vote(s)
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| Created: 2009-02-22 01:32:31 |
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Look. I'm sort of pisseddd off, and not in the fuucking mood for any of the shiit that I know is going to come with this post. Of course, I'm going to be the idiot I've always known I am and post this un worthy piece of shiit on here anyway.
I'm going to go ahead and tell you there is going to be spelling mistakes. Deal with it. By the way; I don't want anybodies fuucking advice. Or sympathy. I just want to put this all out there. Give me harsh comments, rate me one star. Do you really honestly think I give a fuuck? Sorry to rain on your parade-because I don't.
Not one fuucking bit. So, here we go:
Have you ever felt so alone...that you just want to die? Have you ever felt so alone that you feel like you need to stoop down to physical pain to make that possibly better? Have you EVER felt that no one seems to understand what you're going through?
I have. Far more than once.
I'm sick of all the shiit that comes along with life. I'm sick of all the mother fuucking drama and all the other shiit that I just can't stand anymore! I can't take a grasp on the point of life anymore! I have no...will to live. Nothing is pushing me forward, anymore. I have no reason to open my eyes every morning and go,
"Great. It's a new day. Lets go get started."
Where's the fuucking point in looking foward to a new day when you know that you're only going to get tore down and stepped on all over again, even if its not by the same person.
Do you feel like, sometimes, the world is crashing down around your ears and every rule of the world just doesn't belong anymore? Do you actually KNOW what it feels like to be alone?
I'm not asking for you stupid little shiity 'guesses'. I want to know how many of you have actually felt what it is like to be alone. I want to know how many of you actually understand what the word 'emo' is. I WANT to know, not need.
If you don't than I can tell you what it feels like.
Being alone feels like someone had ripped you apart. Mind, body, heart, and soul. It feels like you're just an empty shell that has been taught how to breathe, eat, and drink on its own. You're not really there. You're sort of in between gone and here. You hear and see the things going on around you but you can't find a reason to jump in, and feel full of life.
When you're alone, like I have been, than you KNOW what it feels like. The sense of hopelessness, and fear. Always fear. Fear is always accompinaed with alone. Not as often as Death is though.
I'm not afraid of Death.
I'm not afraid of being alone...not anymore.
I'm afraid of falling and not being able to get back up. I'm afraid to have my heart broken again and be stuck having to do the repairs all over agian just to have it ripped back out of my chest and stomped all over. I'm sick of it all. I'm sick of the cuts all over me, and the bruises that come slowly after it. I'm sick of all the bright colors- I just can't take this anymore.
No one has any more consideration for what some of us go through these days. What ever happened to being...alive?
I'm not really sure where I went or if I'm ever going to be able to come back. I don't think I really are.
Someone has taken that tattered, broken, ripped up piece of shiit I call a heart. To be honest; I don't even want it back. They can keep it. For all I care they can give it to their dog as a chew toy.
At least it as a fuucking purpose than.
The heart was put in the body to trick people into a false sense of scurity. You can't trust anyone...not even yourself.
So I'm going to keep on sitting back here watching you all be tricked into what I know is going to hurt a lot more people.
So go ahead and 'live life to the fullest.' Like everyone says-you've only got one shot at the perfection eveyone is seeking and can't get. What the heck-lets just go have some fun. Get knockked up, do druugs, what the helll. Lets just throw it all away. Even ending the life I think I have might be an option.
I don't want to do that though. As much as I hate life. I don't think I have it in me, to hold that gun to my head. What about the little brother I now have? What about the little brother I got when I was seven? What about everything that I have come this far to get and gain. I'm not just going to throw it all away. I can't. I can't ever stop being the person that I know I should be. I can't stop doing the things I think are right. I can't stop speaking my mind about what is right. So...why even try to fight a losing battle? Maybe if I'm luucky...death will come my way soon.
That doesn't seem to be happening any time soon though.
--Carrot
WHAT EMO MEANS IN MY BOOK.
EMO: Not a dress style, or lable. A fuucking state of mind. |
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