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Hi, my name is AEROO THE
OLD MAN
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 | Poor Jacob chokes on a hairball... |
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 5 with 3 vote(s)
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| Created: 2009-04-04 14:38:50 |
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YEAH! I'm back.
Title: Poor Jacob chokes on a hairball.
Summary:  I like Jacob. But, like, three people have already requested him so I decided to do him next. After this, I've gotten a request for Jessica. Feel free to ask for certain characters you dislike to die, or flame me. I don't mind. I think it's the 5th of the Twideath series.
Rating: PG-13 for death and parody slash.
Fandom: Twilight.
---
Lick. Lick. Lick.
It was gross, yes.
But it was the only way to properly clean his fur.
So.
Lick. Lick. Li--
Cough.
Cough.
Starting to panic, can't get the hair out of my throat. Oh, god. No. I refuse to die like this.
Running over to Cullen, he looks ugly as always, with sparkles popping out of him every which way. Gesturing wildly to describe my predicament. He looks up slowly from his copy of Vogue.
"Oh? The dog. What do you want?"
"MMmmmMMfff!" Cough. Cough. Cough.
"OH. I see."
I think I'm saved as he stands up and makes his way over to where I stand- well, flail, but I am soon to realize that this is not the case.
"This is a mating dance, isn't it?"
"MMMMMMMFFFF!!!!" I shake my head, trying not to vomit, because the last thing I need is more obstruction of the throat.
"I suppose it's inevitable... you saw my pure beauty and fell in love at first sight... far more romantic than the woman, it took her until the third sight."
"MMmmmfff! Mm-mmmffff! MMMMMFFF!" Vigorous head shaking. No. I think I'm going to die here, and the last thing I'll see is this sparkly butthead who thinks I love him. NOOOO!
"Oh, Jakey, I must confess, when I saw your buff body for the first time my heart raced within me! Well, it didn't, because my heart doesn't beat. But you know what I mean. You... complete me."
"MMMMMMFFFFFFFFFF-" the hairball flew out of my throat and hit him squarely on the face. I screamed as loudly as I could, "NO! NO! NO! I HATE YOU! DON'T TOUCH ME! NO! GET BACK! I'M WARNING YOU--"
Thunk.
My body hit the ground and I was dead from lack of air. I guess it was stupid to scream like that right after getting my throat clear. But still.
I was floating above the scene, watching Edward attempt to weep over my body, before he cried out "ROMEO, OH ROMEO, WHERE ART THOU, ROMEO?!"
Right. I was dead. Time to get out of here.
Maybe I should have been more upset. But the only emotion I could force myself to feel was a sweet, sweet relief that I had escaped the lunatics around me.
---
EPILOGUE:
"-sob- -sob- MOVE, MY LOVE! COME BACK TO ME!"
"Eddikins! I'm hoooo- WHAT THE HELL?!"
"Oh! Bella! This isn't what it-"
"YOU HOMOSEXUAL NECROPHILE! GET OUT OF MY HOUSE!"
"...This is my house."
"OOOOOOOUUUUUUUTTTTTT!"
FIN.
AN: D:
God, they just keep getting worse. Or better, depending on how you look at it.
In news: I got Bleach volume 26! It's got LUPPI on the front which is GOOD because octopi rock.
I looked up "g o a t s e" on Encyclopedia Dramatica. Please, none of you ever do that. Now I know what it is, but... I really wish I didn't. The image is burned into my retinas.
Um... you need a cool link... um... here:
http://queensakurachan.deviantart.com/
It's a troll. But a funny one.
http://www.arcadetown.com/3rdworldfarmer/gameonline.asp
I love that game. I've gotten good at it so my third world farmers end up being millionaires. XD Not what was intended but still great.
FLAME ME. I feel guilty for writing this one. And I feel guilty for some trolling that I did. No, I won't reveal details, but flames will comfort me. ^_^
Love,
--AEROO |
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