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Hi, my name is Kaila
All stories about this doll

On both parts - 01 ((please read, need feedback))

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Story Rating   4.5  with 2 vote(s)
By fxcklucy Send DollMail
Created: 2014-02-23 11:33:21 All stories by fxcklucy

I would really appreciate feedback telling me what you guys think, so I know wheter or not to carry this on.

This installment is fairly short but I have a few twists and turns for this story to pan out if I get a good response so please leave comments, or message me!


Typical. Rain drizzled down the car window as I stated into the grey, depressing day that was my first day st school. I was the new kid. How cliche.

"I don't want any stupid behaviour here, Kaila; we can't move again." My dad instructed.

"Okay, dad." I seemed to be on auto-pilot.

We'd moved to Arizona about a week ago and I was still getting used to it, it was so different from Santa Fe.

I'd spent all seven days praying that the second Monday of the month, for one reason or another, wouldn't get here, but inevitably it did.

Another good ten minutes of feeling sorry for myself later, my dad pulled up in the parking lot. I hardly waited for his Mercedes Benz to come to a full halt before I jumped out and slammed the door behind me.

"Don't close the door, honey, I got it." I heard the sarcastic remark he made as he flicked his cigarette into a puddle. I heard it his when it hit the water as I hurried inside, out of the rain.

The building seemed empty. I checked my watch: 9.45am. Late. Not a good start, but checked my map to find the girls bathroom and proceeded there; first impressions stick.

I brushed the knots out of my long, curly red hair and fixed up what little makeup I had on. I was nervous and started to sweat, so I pulled off my jumper to reveal a white v-neck t-shirt, which considerably complimented ny hourglass figure.

Ten minutes later, I found my Biology class. Oddly, there wasn't a teacher there yet (though I wasn't complaining--no late mark!) And even more oddly, everyone in the class were in their seats talking quietly amongst themselves; no paper aeroplanes, no one shouting across the room, no nothing.

The room fell silent when I walked in, I had twenty-five pairs of eyes just staring at me, I figured that was everyone in the class except one person. A little weird, I thought. I could feel myself starting to blush so I hurried to the back of the class and took the only seat available, the one next to the boy who didn't stare, and he continued to do just that.

He had wide shoulders and looked naturally fairly muscular, with a mean face and a scruffy tinge to himself. His hair was quite clearly long, parted in the middle and pulled back into a bun at the base of his neck.

"Chalmers," he said, still staring straight forward, "and you are?"

"I'm Kaila." I replied promptly. He just nodded his head and I learnt pretty quickly that I wasn't going to get much out of him.

At that point, the teacher walked in. Wow. He was tall and muscly, like Chalmers, with short styled black hair and had one-day-stubble. dressed in a sharp high-powered business suit which looked like it cost weigh above his salary. His eyes locked with mine as soon as he opened the door and for some strange reason, I couldn't move my eyes away. He made a quick hand gesture as he took a seat, beckoning me to come to his desk.

"Good morning, I take it you're Kaila Gaukroger?" He asked. His voice was rough and musky, totally addictive.

"Yes sir." I managed.

"Well I'm Mr Parks, I hope you have a wonderful time here with us at Jefferson High." He smiled at me. Maybe he didn't mean to be, but I could sense the flirtation and consistent charm in his voice. 

I was definetely going to have a wonderful time with him around.

Member Comments  

United Kingdom
All My Stories
Posted On: September 26, 2014
Although I wouldn't be the market for this work, it did keep me interested, and saying that, for someone who did like this sort of thing it would be very good indeed.


All My Stories
Posted On: June 19, 2014

Thanks for the compliment on that story of mine - I really appreciate it.

But, more to the point, this was good. There's a few things you could probably change, and maybe add a little length to it, but it was good. I reckon, if you keep at it, you'll surpass my writing ability.

I don't know if you ever come here any more (I know I rarely do - it's too dead, really), but if you do, you should DM me - or at least post more of this. I'm curious to see how it goes. If you don't come back, then I suppose this will just sit here, all pretty like, and won't reach you.

Still - it's good and you should really, really keep at it.

- Peggie, xox
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