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Hi, my name is Aeroo
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 | Mike gets an STD from the tree he was abusing |
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 4 with 8 vote(s)
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| Created: 2009-03-05 20:35:20 |
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OH YES. I AM BACK.
Title: Mike gets an STD from the tree he was abusing.
Rating: R. I am not kidding. Use discretion.
Fandom: Twibarf.
Summary: Take a wild guess. Fourth in the Cullen death series. Though the installments have nothing to do with one another.
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"Bella."
The voice on the other end of the phone was rough, and raw, as if the speaker had been crying.
"Huh? Mike? That you? Listen, me and Cullen are just about to make out passionately, could you call me back--"
"I need to talk to you."
"No, you don't. Leave me alone."
She slammed the phone down, realized it was a cell phone, picked it up and turned it off with a manicured flick of the fingers.
"Who was that, Bella-poofy-doofy?" Edward asked in a SATIN voice.
His girlfriend pouted. "You gotta say it in your VELVET voice, Eddikins. Otherwise it just doesn't turn me on at all."
"Um... alright... Who was that, Bella-hunny-sunny?"
"DUDE! THAT WAS COTTON!"
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Mike held his cell phone tightly in one hand, torn between laughing and crying.
"Can I help you with anything?" A young nurse asked him.
"No. Just... I need to talk to her."
"Fine."
Ten minutes later, a very piissed off Bella who had been labeled as a mentally unstable female and dragged to the hospital for no apparent reason by a random nurse barged into Mike's room like she owned the place.
"TALK TO ME, BABY! TELL ME YOUR LIFE STORY!"
"Um... I need to tell you something."
The girl rolled her eyes and sighed. "Go ahead, I'm listening."
"You know... I was dating a tree for a while..."
"Uh, more like you raaped the tree and then split up after a few days."
"Whatever. Um, well, it turns out that he had an STD called SCAM."
"What kinda fake disease name is that? The author of this story is stupider than I am!" Unfortunately, Bella did not realize that in fact, she was the epitome of stupidity, so stupid that she should not be alive at that moment, but for some horrible reason was. But that's off-topic so we'll continue.
"It stands for Spontaneous Combustion Arrives Momentarily. I will keep bursting into flames until I eventually die from a broken back."
"Sick, dude, sick." Aside from the fact that there was no connection between flames and fractures, this disease was totally believable and Bella did not question it.
"So... I'm probably gonna die within a week." Mike sobbed.
"OH NO!" The girl shrieked, drawing stares. "ARE YOU GOING TO DIE A VIRGIN?!"
"No... I did it with the tree... idiot."
"OH NO! YOU'RE A VIRGIN!"
"I am not...?"
Bella did not answer and simply decided to -censored- poor dying Mike instead.
"AGH HOLY CRAAP GET OFF OF ME!"
"-moan- -moan- I LOVE CHEESY PICKLES!"
The hospital staff watched in terror, too afraid of the deranged female to stop her.
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TEN MINUTES LATER:
A traumatized Mike burst into flames and died of a broken back. Bella patted the corpse on his singed head and danced out the doors of the hospital, singing broadway show tunes in a very off-key voice. She waltzed home to where Edward was, where they -censored-.
"OH, BELLA!"
"NOOO! That was SILK, idiot, SILK!"
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TWO WEEKS LATER:
Renee opened her car door and hopped out, looking excitedly for her daughter.
Instead, she saw nothing but a burnt out crater.
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ONE MONTH LATER:
The demolished Forks had its name changed to SCAMLAND, in honor of the disease that destroyed it.
Founder:
BELlA SWAN.
FIN.
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HOLY SHIIT I'VE OUTDONE MYSELF.
O__________________________________________________________O
http://www.nekogames.jp/mt/2008/01/cursor10.html
That game is funnnnnnnn, though. XD
--Aeroo |
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