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Hi, my name is Aeroo
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 | Jessica dies in a very blonde fashion |
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 4.14 with 7 vote(s)
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| Created: 2009-04-13 15:15:52 |
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Title: Jessica dies in a very blonde fashion.
Fandom: Twilight. No, really?
Summary: I think it's the sixth one. By popular demand people cry for Jessica's blood. Thank you to bluemoongem for the idea of how she dies. ^_^
Rating: PG, there's some language though.
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"I like pie, I like pie, pie is tasty, but not the best, unless you put in dynamite and feed it to Edward Cullen, that's what he gets for ignoring me, that freaking bxstard! GRAR I HATE HIM I HATE HIM I HATE HATE HATE---"
"Miss Jessica, perhaps running a cooking show is not the best career choice for you..."
"SHUT UP! I'm a flat character used as a plot device! I can do whatever I want!"
"I... I don't think I see your logic. But if you say so..."
"GO AWAY, STUPID DISEMBODIED VOICE. I'M TRYING TO GET THE HUMOROUS BEGINNING OVER WITH SO I CAN DIE AND CULLEN WILL REALIZE HE LOVES ME!"
"I'm only disembodied because I'm a plot device used to enrage you. I'm sorry. The author of this story is almost as lazy as yours, and does not want to introduce me."
"Oh, shut up."
Jessica twirled joyfully out of the TV studio, to buy a new swimsuit. She saw a cute one, but immediately flung it away, screeching "OH IT'S NOT NEARLY SLXTTY ENOUGH FOR CULLEN TO LOVE ME!" She then picked up a black one, that was really just a few strips of fabric and giggled happily. "Every eye will be on me!"
Soon she was at a pool party. She had not been invited, but that did not stop her from donning the suit and leaping over the fence, making sure to do it seductively. "Ohhhh, Ed-waaaaarrrrdddd!"
"AUGH! EW! A BOSOM!" Edward shrieked with chagrin. But then he imagined Jacob in the suit, and felt much better.
"Oh, Edward! That slxt! Besides, I'd look much better in that suit, wouldn't I?!"
"What? Bella? Oh. No. Please never dress like that."
"WHY YOU--"
But at this point Jessica had already reached the pool. She dove in, her suit pretty much falling off, and straightened it quickly. Quickly enough(in her mind) to be modest, but slowly enough to be a tease for Edward.
She was planning on climbing out and whining that she had an "itchy" spot on her back to get Edward to scratch it, but was distracted by Bella diving into the pool as well. The girl swam to the bottom and stuck something there. Curious, Jessica submerged herself to explore.
It was a scratch and sniff sticker! A strawberry one! She could not resist smelling the sweet scent--
Oh. So her mother wasn't kidding when she told Jess that she couldn't breath underwater.
"Glub!"
"OH NO! That weird slxt girl is drowning!"
"I'LL SAVE HER!" Edward flung himself towards the pool, realized he couldn't swim, and sank to the bottom. Bella gasped with chagrin at the sight. She jumped after him and began drowning, because really, how can anyone be happy while she's alive?
Jacob, who had also crashed the party, watched from the pool deck. He briefly considered jumping down and giving CPR to the idiots, but instead pulled out some popcorn and began eating slowly.
And that is how the Jessica slxt met her untimely end.
FIN.
AN: http://www.advancedanime.com/displayimage.php?pid=316735&tq=swimsuit+and+female
I looked for the most slxtty swimsuits I could find. Eyeburn. But that's the one Jess is wearing.
Stupid people, looking up g o a t s e. All you sane children, if you must know, look it up on the BEAUTIFULLY IMAGE-FREE urbandictionary.com please. Don't scar yourselves for life like me.
I got mauled by children yesterday. For some reason kids really like me and want me to play with them and help them build the World's Biggest Volcano out of sand. And then they attacked me and threw little toy eater chicks at me that kept making this infernal peeping noise. It was tragic.
Um. You need a link. So... I think I'm going to send you a really pointless link today.
http://autos.yahoo.com/articles/autos_content_landing_pages/909/10-used-cars-to-avoid/;_ylc=X3oD MTE1N2g4Z2k1BF9TAzI3MTYxNDkEc2VjA2ZwLXRvZGF5BHNsawN1c2VkLWNhcnM-,
GO BUY USED CARS. YOU HAVE MY BLESSINGS.
Anyway. I don't really like this one. I think it's not as well written as the others. (which isn't saying much.) I don't edit these, I just hit my head on the keyboard until inspiration strikes. Which is why my better writing is so much more sane.
Happy Day-after-Easter!
--Aeroo |
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lol i like it... your welcome for the idea about the scratch and sniff sticker