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Hi, my name is Rea Snowe

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Ice and Air -01-

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4.33 with 6 vote(s)

By sparklyvampirealice

Created: 2009-05-13 17:06:24

All stories by sparklyvampirealice

Thanks to all of y'all who sent me a character. I really appreciate it. I'm going to try and make them as you imagined them. Night World belongs to LJ Smith, I take no credit for that. I only claim my character, Rea.

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CHAPTER ONE

**Looks**

The mall was pretty full of last-minute shoppers. Christmas decorations glittered everywhere, signs reading "Happy Holidays" gleamed in store windows. Eboney suddenly jerked me to a halt, almost causing me to fall backwards.

"Oh, Goddess! Look at that crystal star! Isn't it beautiful?" Eboney's slight British accent added to her exotic beauty. Her crystalline eyes gleamed.

Airi sighed beside me, her pale blond hair falling foward. " It is pretty, Eboney."

I frowned, shooting a glance at Kasi. Kasi flashed me a pearly grin, emerald eyes glimmering brightly.

I pulled on Eboney, "Come on, Eb. We have stuff to do. There's the big Solstice and Yule party this weekend." I wanted this torturous shopping to end...NOW.

"Oh! Yes! We have to go dress shopping for you, Kasi and Airi. Thank you for reminding me, ducks." Eboney tapped her bottom lip thoughtfully.

"Uh, can we get something for Rea in an actual color? " Kasi playfully suggested.

I glanced down at my outfit. It consisted of pale blue jeans, almost white, a white shirt, and a leopard print crop jacket. I blinked. "What's wrong with white?"

Kasi's lips pulled inward and she tried to hold her laugh. "You wear it all the time!" She finally laughed. Kasi flipped her onyx hair, and stuck her thumbs into her jean pockets.

Eboney nodded, "Kasi has a point, dearling. Although you look wonderful in it." A glimmering smile split her face, revealing sharp teeth. The action was completly threat less, though.

Airi laughed softly, her tinkling giggle like mini bells. "I think we should definetly get some color on Rea. She could catch a guy's eye finally."

I snorted. "Thanks. But, in case you haven't noticed, we all catch some guy's eyes." I rolled my own eyes.

"Y'all catch guys' eyes. They drool over me." Kasi drawled, twirling her body. Her cow-boy boots slipped softly across the floor.

We all laughed at that, but Kasi was right. She was very beautiful, unlike me, who was just...odd.

"Come on, kiddis!" Eboney called, skipping away. Airi was staring off into space, her dreamy-eyed look smeared all over her face. I sighed and pulled her arm.

She jumped, then smiled brightly. "Let's go, then!" Airi's contagious happiness caught me.

I felt myself relax and smile.

Member Comments

Bell_Belle

18/Female
Japan
All My Stories

Posted On: May 16, 2009
Psha! Forget more discription I thought it was perfecto!

You caught Airi perfectly!!!

♥ !GINA! ♥

Blackened_Suns

17/Female
United Kingdom
All My Stories

Posted On: May 15, 2009
very good.

keep me posted.

Vanilla Lee&&

ayomi

18/Female
Beverly Hills, CA
All My Stories

Posted On: May 14, 2009
great!

luciusinthesyw

19/Female
Venezuela
All My Stories

Posted On: May 13, 2009
You need more description.

I could hardly read most of it. It's all just random talking, and it's really choppy. I can hardly sense a story going there. But here's just a few things...

"Kasi flashed me a pearly grin, emerald eyes glimmering brightly. "

The adverb is not your friend, so says Stephen King. Saying "weak" is stronger than saying "very weak". Passive voice is also to be avoided. "Kasi grinned at me, her emerald eyes glimmering" is clearer and stronger.

So why are these characters here? Who are they, besides attractive but boring characters? I don'tsee any of them, or how close they are, or what sort of characters they /are/. Sure, people might have given you a character with all this description provided, but you're the writer and it's your job to make the description work.

Personality > Appearance.

And that's all the room I have for critique. If this were ff.net, I'd go through the entire thing, but it's not.

Oh well.

-Miss Manic D.

xXLush_RoseXx

22/Female
Grangerland, TX
All My Stories

Posted On: May 13, 2009
I like it. I'd also create a character if not for two reasons. One; you probably have enough. Two; My idiotic phone provides internet but not the ability to create long comments. *Mutters under breath* Anyhoo, keep me posted!

Lushy

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