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Want to try to make one or see what other people came up with?! Every story will participate in The Doll Palace ratings. Good stories will be awarded with Dollpoints.
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All created stories have to follow . We do not allow any sexually related material. The Doll Palace will be enforcing this rule and completely blocking access to the accounts that disregard our policy and create sexually oriented stories.
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Hi, my name is Kara
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 | I'm Not Okay - 1 |
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 5 with 2 vote(s)
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| Created: 2008-05-01 21:25:07 |
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Rewriting a story that I kinda sorta like.. Tis a first. Yay!~
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A few lockers slammed down the hall and I could hear footsteps running to class before the tardy bell rung. I just kept walking to Nowhere In Particular.
My skirt that had once tickled my ankles as I walked down the halls was ripped into various segments - barely dipping past my knees in some places, my shirt was torn and kept slipping off my shoulder, and I wasn't really conscious of the fact that I was missing a shoe. There was a dull, numbing pain in my right leg and I couldn't feel anything on my left arm. Blood was dripping from my head somewhere and I knew I was going to pass out in a few minutes. But that didn't matter.
'You should get help,' the tiny, reasonable voice in my head suggested, only to be beaten down by the louder one – the one which always won even if I never wanted it to.
'Shut up,' the voice growled menacingly. 'It's all your fault, you know. I told you he'd break your heart, tear it into a million pieces like everyone else. Don't you get tired of putting all of the pieces together and finding out that there's a part missing. That you, by loving someone else, lose YOURSELF in the process. He's as stupid as you are.'
One of the most poetic insults that I have ever heard.
I stopped to catch my breathe, my back colliding with one of the monotonous walls. Sitting on the dirty floor of the empty hallway, I whispered quietly, to no one but the voices in my head, how I regretted loving him. How I couldn't hate him, even though he broke my heart. How I hated her and his friends and everyone else in the world for egging him on. How disgusted I was of myself.
I closed my eyes and watched the horrible movie in my head even though I never wanted to see it again. Matt, my first and last boyfriend, had dumped me for Morgan Evans, my ex-best friend from middle school. We had separated shortly after our freshman year began. Two years later, she developed an interest in making my life hell; pushing me, embarrassing me, making everyone hate me, and finally, stealing the first thing I had wanted after so long.
She took Matt away from me.
But he is as much to blame. He looked at her in ways he never looked at me; wanting to touch every part of her flawless skin, kiss every inch of her cherry-red glossed-lips - and for all I know he's probably done all of that and more. Loving someone you hate is easier than hating someone you love. Or something majestic and mature like that.
I laid down on the dirty, tiled floor and let the tears fall freely now. The cool tiles were making my cheeks sting and I could feel the blood drip down my face and pool around my black hair. I didn't care anymore.
'Sad,' the loud voice hissed inside my head. 'Ashamed. Depressed. What are you feeling, Kara? Tell us. Are you afraid?'
The movie kept playing. But this time I was in it. I was the unwilling star. I saw everything and I didn't have a choice.
The kisses. The secrets. The whispers. The lies. The voices and the screams. The attack. Pain! Oh God, the pain. And humiliation. Heart break and headaches. Homicidal and suicidal thoughts. My world spinning out of control. Spinning from under me.
I sat up fast and felt the world spin again. But I kept walking to Nowhere in Particular. And my head flying somewhere safe above the clouds as I walked up the empty corridors of my school. A place where I was supposed to feel safe but I would never feel that way unless the clouds were with me.
My head was throbbing by the time I made it to the roof of the building. The loud voice was laughing maniacally. I could hear it echoing throughout my entire body until I was laughing myself as I stood on the edge of the building. I had to hold my sides to keep from falling off of the school and down onto the pale gray, concrete slab in the front of the school.
The laughter ended with a choked sob. Something wild and insecure.
Then a thought crossed my mind, followed by a series of images. If I jumped, it would all be over. I'd never have to have my heart ripped out of my chest and jumped on ever again. I'd never have to smile on the outside and die on the inside ever again. I could end it right then and there.
They would see my body - more or less - together than apart, like my soul and mind. A smile would be on my face. But my eyes would be lifeless. My body would be soulless, if you could call this tortured thing a soul. But that wouldn't matter. Not to me at least.
It'd break my mother's heart, but she'd finally know I was miserable. My father would pay attention to my little sister more, make sure that her life didn't end like mine. My sister would no longer hate me and would finally appreciate all the crap that we did together, even though deep down inside, she'd feel horrible about it too. Matt would feel heartbroken and guilty. And Morgan's heart would thaw or crumble; either way, she would finally feel some emotion.
And everyone who had ever picked on me, or laughed at me, or just ignored me, would finally understand the extent of my despair as they looked at the bloody pulp that had once been the Great Yet Mysterious Kara Phillips. But would it be worth it.
In that moment, I made the biggest decision of my life. I decided to jump. |
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