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Hi, my name is Aeroo
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 | Edward Cullen is stabbed through the heart |
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 4.56 with 9 vote(s)
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| Created: 2009-02-15 14:26:24 |
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Title: Edward Cullen is stabbed through the heart.
Fandom: ... I hope you can guess.
Rating: BARF ON YO FACE. PG. But much randomer than the last one. DX
Summary: Knowing me, what do you think? Sequel to Bella Swan gets hit by a truck.
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Somewhere, far away from Forks, in Alaska, Edward Cullen was trying ice fishing.
Unfortunately he had forgotten any equipment, so he had simply knocked a hole in the ice and dropped through to look for wildlife. There were several animals that looked tasty, but the vampire was not an excellent swimmer and could not catch any fish. He was also very heavy, being made out of a sparkly rock-like substance, so he was rapidly sinking.
"Perhaps this was not the best course of action," He told a rotten piece or algae.
The algae did not respond.
"Well, that's rather rude! And after all I did for you!" Edward glared smolderingly at the algae, conveniently forgetting that he had never done anything for it.
Again, it did not respond.
Edward began to sing to it quietly in order to show it how very sensitive and complicated he was, a small song that went like this:
"A crystal cow, in the sky, it's so beautiful, like my love, my love for yooooouuuuuuuuuu...." He began to forget the words to the love song, so he serenaded the algae with the Ghostbusters themesong instead. "There's something strange, in the neighborhood, who ya gonna call, GHOSTBUSTERS!"
The algae drifted away.
Edward's complicated little heart was broken into pieces. He now realized why he had never been attracted to Bella. He was...
ALGAESEXUAL.
He swam as well as he could after the little piece of vegetation. "Wait! My love, wait for me!" Edward did not notice the whaling boat that was fast approaching. He did not notice the whale on the other side of him.
He did not notice the harpoon speeding towards him until he realized that he weighed a lot more than usual.
"N-no... I've been impaled... with... wait... what are those things called...?"
He would have lived, and gone on to create demon spawn with annoying women, but the spear was made out of silver. And as Meyer had studiously pretended was false, silver is bad for vampire's health.
"Ohhh... ohhhh... I'm developing breast cancer..." Edward moaned to his love the algae.
He suddenly realized he was going to die.
Without ever kissing the algae once.
Although he couldn't cry, he sobbed tears of venom as all went black.
The last thing he saw was the algae drifting away.
FIN.
AN: Makes even less sense than the Bella one.
In order to distract you from the random story, I will present you a link.
http://images3.wikia.nocookie.net/bleach/en/images//e/e2/Nnoitra.jpg
I find that person sexxay.
... I still have no regrets.
--Aeroo |
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