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All created stories have to follow . We do not allow any sexually related material. The Doll Palace will be enforcing this rule and completely blocking access to the accounts that disregard our policy and create sexually oriented stories.
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Hi, my name is Farm
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 | Breaking Condoms - Two. [Twilight Parody] |
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 4.6 with 10 vote(s)
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| Created: 2009-08-18 23:32:03 |
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Like I said before, this isn't serious and I did it for laughs. Mostly laughs from Ruby and myself.
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He did exactly what the instructions said, and there he stood, face to face with the beautiful Severus. His jet black hair was being blown by the wind that suddenly came from nowhere. Edward was sure his heart stopped beating. (Wait... what heart? Scratch that, he was sure his eyes turned lighter? F'uck you Smeyer)
“Cedric... Is that you? Potter claimed you were dead, you lived on? That Potter will learn a lesson when I get back. Or, AM I DEAD? Bloody h'ell.” His mouth was running a million miles per hour, holy crow. His eyes were hollowed out and his skin was as white as a puffy cloud in a faraway kingdom.
“No, I am Edward. Edward Cullen. I sparkle in the sunlight because I wear too much glitter, but that’s beside the point. I need help. A lot of help. I thought the most powerful man in the world could help, you.” His eyes were full of love and passion for the man who stood before him. “My girlfriend is a human and I am a vampire, we are in love and she wants me to bone her but I can’t.”
“Tell me Cullen, why can’t you?” This man was driving Edward’s non existing senses wild. He had no interest in what swam in his veins, but more on the beautiful sculpted shape of his body. Did I mention that Snape is n'aked? A mix of unce and funk music started playing slowly in the background. (I can’t tell you what happened next, because Twilight is a Mormon book that doesn’t f'ucking talk about s'ex scenes. What’s the point of making Edward perfect if you don’t make him n'aked?)
A groan came from the bedroom beside them, but none of them noticed because they were breathing heavily and grunting. They did notice when Bella walked in though, rubbing the bump on her forehead.
“WHAT THE F'UCK IS GOING ON?” She cried. “EDWARD, YOU SAID YOU LOVED ME! WE ARE MARRIED AND WE WERE GOING TO HAVE S'EX IN YOUR MOTHER’S RANDOM HOME! HOW COULD YOU?”
“Avada kadavra.”
The end.
Sorry, I just really wanted her to die.. |
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