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All created stories have to follow . We do not allow any sexually related material. The Doll Palace will be enforcing this rule and completely blocking access to the accounts that disregard our policy and create sexually oriented stories.
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Hi, my name is Farm
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 | Breaking Condoms - One. [Twilight Parody] |
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 4.69 with 13 vote(s)
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| Created: 2009-08-18 16:14:53 |
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This is not meant to be taken seriously, or have anything to do with an actual story. Just me making fun of Twilight.
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She was begging for it, you could tell from her completely ordinary eyes, like every other teenage girl who meets a sex god. She’d be crushed if Edward, the charming and completely perfect vampire, told her the truth. Bella was hypnotized by his beauty, and wasn’t happy with just the exterior.
“Please, Edward. We are on this beautiful island your mother who isn’t really your mother let us stay on. This is our honeymoon! You said you wanted me to live a normal life before you changed me into a dazzling demon that somehow defies every vampire rule in the history of vampires, didn’t you? Then, f'uck me!”
He couldn’t let her know the truth about him. The truth was that he had a very small p'enis, and has no blood in his system so he can’t actually have an e'rection. He couldn’t let the Bella he loved so much remain a virgin and pure. He needed to find a way to nail her.
If only he knew what was going on in her head, if anything at all. He knew he had to do some quick thinking, and he knew Bella, his precious Bella, wouldn’t leave him alone until he did what was requested. So, he did what any other bi-polar, abusive, creepy vampire boyfriend would do, smash her face on the headboard.
He knew he didn’t have much time, he knew she’d wake up, see that she was still as tight as a nun in church, and run into any obstacle she could find in an attempt to look for him. He knew he had to work fast. He ran through the depths of the forest searching for someone as beautiful as himself to nail his girlfriend. He knew what he needed. He needed a half blood. Normally in a more popular, better written series, a half blood is a person with one regular human parent, and a magical awesome parent. He needed to find Severus Snape.
He knew where he would have to look, but didn’t know where to find it. His deep, perfect thought was interrupted by the shriek of one of the cleaners. She saw Bella lying motionless on the bed. Edward explained to the woman that he and Bella just got done having hot, kinky s'ex, which translated into “Bella and I just made love like tree frogs in the rain.”
He asked the worked if she knew any of the island’s legends about Severus, in which she handed him a readymade Wikipedia article and left. He then read the page out loud to himself.
“Severus Snape is a fictional character in the Harry Potter book series written by J.K. Rowling. In the first novel, Harry Potter and the Philosopher's Stone, he is one of the primary antagonists. As the series progresses, Snape's character becomes more layered and complex, and Rowling does not fully reveal the details of his true loyalties until the end of the final book, Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows. Snape appears in all seven novels of the series.
Over the course of the series, Snape's portrayal evolves from that of a malicious and partisan teacher, to that of a pivotal character of considerable complexity and moral ambiguity. Snape teaches Potions, and later Defence Against the Dark Arts, at Hogwarts. Rowling has described him as "a gift of a character".[1]
Contents
• 1 Character development
• 2 Appearances
o 2.05 Urban Legends
o 2.1 First three books
o 2.2 Fourth and fifth books
o 2.3 Sixth book
o 2.4 Final book
2.4.1 Epilogue
Appearances
See also: Chronology of the Harry Potter series
Urban Legends
Legend has it if you stand infront of a mirror in a pitch black room and chant “Snape, snape. Severus Snape,” three times he will appear."
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I do not own Snape, Bella, or Edward.
I do not own Harry Potter, though I wish I did.
I do not own Twilight, which should be burned. |
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