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All created stories have to follow . We do not allow any sexually related material. The Doll Palace will be enforcing this rule and completely blocking access to the accounts that disregard our policy and create sexually oriented stories.
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Hi, my name is Ann
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 | Break [00] |
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 4.81 with 21 vote(s)
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| Created: 2009-12-18 23:41:37 |
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A/N: Ahh. I haven't written in a while have I? Sorry about that, TDP fans. I was just heartbroken and sorry to all the users that had sent me links to they're stories for I haven't gotten a chance to read them with a broken heart. So I decided to write this.
Enjoy...
And just so you guys all know, I wrote this with many, many tears. Glad that this wasn't a piece of paper or you would've seen the dried tears...
Thanks for reading if you did. ^^
I AM LEAF BY THE WAY. NEW ACCOUNT IS LEAF. No more pinkshine05 xD
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[00]
"Giving up doesn't always mean you are weak; sometimes it means that you are strong enough to let go."
Me.
It all started with me. Then continued with you. You ruined me, my dignity, you made me want to throw it all away. Like it was all just waste, like it never mattered, like it was just a pointless time consuming part of life because it was. You probably wouldn't have known all the moments we've shared until now since now I'm not the one making you smile. Everytime I cry, someone walks by me and tells me to get over it. Then I stop and think how I can get over you after all the precious memories hidden in the cracks of my heart? How can I get over it when the golden shine in your eyes are memorized within my mind's eye? It went by too slow and too sudden at the same time. I'm not just a typical girl saying this just to get attension, I'm saying this because your tore me apart and destroyed every part of me. The time, ever single minute that we spent was just like I jumped in a puddle of your reflection...a complete waste.
You.
I changed because of you. I lost myself in the darkness and lost the other piece of my heart. That piece I sent you was for you to take care of and not to crack again. But you did. I can feel it, I can feel it screwing a deep hole in my heart just thriving to get inside and just kill and damage everything inside of it. I thought you were that kind of guy who meant what they said. Everything we did, everything that's passed by is the only treasure I can keep but I'd wish I could just lose it now since that it means completely nothing. I regret the fact that you came into my life. I regret it so much, I just want everything that happened to just wash right out of my head and lose my memory. It was nothing but love which was lost through the sinking of our ship. Without the other piece of my heart it might not be able to beat for you and maybe that's why you returned it and left. Maybe...maybe not. I wouldn't know, even if I asked you since your a liar. You lied to me and let me down, I don't want to fight with you and waste my time like I already did. It just hurts so much, I never expected this to ever happen. The way you talk to me made me feel like I meant something and I wasn't just some worthless girl that sucks at math. I felt like that for once in my life and that's it, it was gone forever as if it was magic that disappeared. I think it's time I realized that nothing is ever fair. YOU should too because one day, one day I just know that you'll wake up and realize that you lost something that you should've kept and now you'll never in your life get it back. Me. I'm never coming back no matter how much it hurts to deny the fact that I still love you with all my heart. I do. I really, really do. I can't forget, ever. I can't let it go, I can't let the memories pass me by, I can't...I just can't let all this go. I can't let you go...
I remember everything that happened and I can feel it inside and it just kills so much to remember that I can't feel it anymore. I remember the day when I fell in your arms and knew I things would be different. A good different. So I took a risk and held on to your arms and never let go. I didn't have to let go since you dropped me instead. I still remember the day. That day. That one day. Ever since it happened. January 30th. The day I collapsed for you.
Us.
We're gone. We're done. You went somewhere, somewhere where you'll be happy. Somewhere where I won't be happy. You lied to me. But most of all you left me. For a reason I'll never forget. That day where you weren't holding on to me but holding on to her. I couldn't help myself but cry, cry looking through your pictures and bring the recollections back to life. I never missed you, I missed the guy I thought you were...I thought you knew what you were doing and thought carefully before doing something stupid. You call me these names and know you don't mean it but in front of you friends you do. I wait everyday for my phone to ring, and sit there in my bed looking over my diary entries and weep. It was nice to know how much I loved you through every flip in the pages I wrote in. At least you pretended you cared for me in the last few days before you left. I tried to be your everything, I guess I was only your nothing. I tried and tried and all you did was be fake.
Every night I'm always thinking of you. I'm always dreaming about you that I never want to get up and live life when I could be with you all the time in my head. Just thinking about the past, dreaming about us forever and nothing can ever stop me from my imagination.
"The weirdest thing happened the other morning...I woke up with tears in my eyes...and one rolling down my cheek...and I knew I must have been dreaming of you again."
Thanks for being there and doing nothing. It's a good thing you were there to catch me when I fell but it was a bad thing when I realized I fell into the same place I was before...in the middle of my broken heart. You smile when my tears fall, and it hurts to know that. Ever since I was a little girl, I believed in Princesses and knew that there would always be a Prince for every Princess but now I know that someone needs to sue Disney.
I waste my money for tissue boxes everyday because of you. I lost my average grades. I lost my joy. But most of all I lost myself in your heart. At least it makes me smile just to know that we had our times together, but it always ends off with a tear knowing that it had to end. Nevertheless I miss you. I miss seeing your name on my arm. I miss writing your name everywhere. I miss looking out the window to see you play basketball. I miss falling into your arms. I miss dialing your number. I miss your jokes. I miss touching your lips. I miss feeling happy. I miss us.
You may be thinking and laughing but you will never know how hurt I am and you will never feel the way I do and you will never ever find a girl that wasted all her time on you exactly the way that I did. No one is ever that stupid to do that, except me. I was so stupid to not see that you are a jerk and forever will be.
Everything I say, everything I do, everything I see, reminds me of us. Us being together. It hurts wherever I go. When I leave to school I always end up walking by the tree which has our initials. When I drive to my friend's house I end up seeing yours. When I walk to the park, I end up walking by your school. When I sit in class I end up hearing your name across from me. When I open my locker I end up seeing your pictures. When I watch movies every Fridays I end up seeing a romance movie. When I go online into MSN I end up going on at the same time as you. If I keep going there won't be no stop. I'm breaking. I'm breaking apart. I can't handle this, it hurts so much you will never beleive it. I hate myself more than I hate you, I hate myself for not hating you when I should. I can't hate you without loving you. I hate you. I love you. I can't make up my mind. I don't know what to do with you or anything that has already been done. It's hurting me and you never care. Never. Walk away and tell me what you're thinking. I need to know what you're feeling, thinking and please just tell me what's happening inside your head. I can't understand you anymore, I can't understand myself. I don't know what I like, what I want, what's happening, what you want, what you like, what I feel, what you feel. I'm losing the past, present and I don't want the future to come. Please. Help me.
When you walk further away, I walk into the steps you took just to feel your feet in mine. Everything you touch threatens me to touch it too, as if it'll mean something. I've never felt this way before. All the clothes that I wore every time we hugged smells just the way you do. I hug them when I want to smile but I forget that your gone and start to tear. We were made for each other, and now all I want you to know is that I can't forget you and I'm so confused I don't know if I'll regret the things I did. All I really want to do is scream your name until I lose my energy. I want to fall to the ground and cry there until my eyes go dry. I want to grip my arms around you as if I was the static. I want to run, run far away until I fall.
Carving your name is easy, but it's hard to drag my fingers over the marks in your name and remember how much I love you.
"A rose without thorns is like love without heartbreak; it doesn't make sense." |
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