School Of Arts {Tutoring RP for RP newbies ONLY}

[Miranda_]

Best to leave it as it is, and repost the character if you're going to do that so I can see how it's improved.

[Heva_Banana_Mad]

Name:Maria Bailey
Age: (please make it 14-16) 15
Personality: Maria is very dreamy and believes in fantasy. She tries not to fight with people if she can help it but sometimes the anger just jumps out when she doesn't mean it. Afterwards she normally runs away.
Weaknesses: (Must have three min.) Sometimes can't control herself, self consious, lies a lot (hope these are ok)
Strengths: (No more than three) Modest, kind.
Bio: Maria grew up in the UK where she attended acting lessons until the age of 12 because she realised they were doing no good and they were costing her parents too much money. She dreams to become a famous actress and win an oscar but people tell her that it's not going to happen in the real world. Her Father doesn't believe in her dreams like her mother does so she had to beg him to let her apply for the school and even now he doesn't believe in her ambitions. Her best friend is one of the most important people in the world to her. She believes in her and they muck about at each others houses. Unfortunately her best friend didn't get in and as they normally see each other at school Maria misses her dearly.

All was quiet. Maria looked up at the tall, tall gate. It was gigantic; almost 4 times as big as her. 'Dad will regret not letting me apply before now' she thought to herself. She started to imagine herself at the oscars...
'And the oscar goes to... MARIA BAILEY!' The host cried!
Before she could get there though she'd have to work pretty hard. Suddenly she was being pushed forwards. The gate slowly opened. Then she realised that her adventure had begun...

Hope it's ok now Miranda. I tried the Mary Sue litmus test and I got 1.

[Miranda_]

That's fine; it's a big improvement.

[Heva_Banana_Mad]

Thanks Miranda. Your guidelines and the mary sue litmus test really helped.

[stargazer97]

Name: Jamie Anders
Age: (please make it 14-16) 15
Personality: Jamie is a stubborn girl who pretty much always belives she's right. She's fiercely loyal to her close friends when need be. She is a daydreamer, her heart filled with neverending fantasies. Jamie finds it hard to just be herself, and is mentaly strong at all. She always wants to fit in, and always tries to. She easily gives in if threatened by anything, and is easily upset.
Weaknesses: (Must have three min.)Jamie is harsh and sarcastic, and can be rude if upset. She's ridiculously stubborn, and hates change. Her fantasy dream world makes it hard for Jamie to cope with reality. Jamie is very Claustiphobic and does her best to avoid small spaces. Her thoughts drift easily and she really doesn't pay attention to what anyone else is saying. Isabella doesn't trust very easily, and has only a few choice friends.
Strengths: (No more than three) Jamie is very loyal, and is friendly to those close to her. She is a great listener.
Bio: Long brown hair. medium height with dark green eyes.
Jamie's father went to join the Army when Jamie was small. He never came back. Her mother took it very hard, and worked very hard to make sure Jamie and her older brother, Carter live an exeptional life. Jamie rebeled against her mother's protection, and packed up her bags. She had been staying at a friends house when she read about the School of Arts. She quickley gatherd her belongings and left, applying. She was shocked when exepted and hopes to do well.

Jamie slowly walked across the huge front lawn of the School of Arts, her heart pounding as she walked towards the large iron gate. She relized she couldn't just stand there, and was preparing to try pushing open the gate when a noise made her jump. "List your name." said and voice, obviously not very happy to see her. Jamie wrinkled her nose, not really liking the tone of annoyance. She reached forward and pressed a red button on a small white box. "Yeah, yeah. Jamie." she said, matching the annoyance with her own. "Your full name." the voice said slowly, as if the most obvious thing in the world. Jamie bit her lip, glaring at the box. "Jamie Anders." she said, crossing her arms like she didn't care. "You may enter." the voice stated, as the gate swung open. Jamie slowly picked up her bag and walked through, wondering what was instore for her.

[Silent_Wolf]

That's not really a weakness; she needs to have physical weaknesses, like she's not strong, or she's clumsy or gets carpal tunnel a lot from various things. She needs mental weaknesses too; 'she wants to please everybody' is a little too Sueish.

[stargazer97]

Hmmm, ok. Thanks. It's just, I'm not used to RP'ing like this. I am usually on a site called, "Seville Library." and their roleplay is all Alvin and the Chipmunks based, which I know everything about. This I know nothing about.

[Miranda_]

Then read the stickies at the top of the forum that I linked you to before. It's not difficult, and I have given detailed instruction on how to RP on here, how to make a proper character and what the rules of the site are.

[TheHayleyDoll]

stargazer, it has nothing to do with what the roleplay is based on. Your character is Sue-ish. Like Miranda said, read the stickies to learn what a developed character is. "Vunerable, easily trusting, lives in her own fantasy world"... those aren't good weaknesses. 'Trust' is generally a good thing, as is having a 'soft heart' and 'creativity'. Putting it in that light makes it all seem like good things, not bad.

Stubborn, sloppy, grumpy, etc. Those are flaws. Perfect people don't exist in the real world, so why should perfect characters?

Look over your character and fix it in order to fit the rules, that's all we're asking. Nobody likes a Sue. - If you don't know what that is, look *here*. And take *this test* if you aren't sure whether you're character's a Sue or not.

[stargazer97]

Alright. I edited it and hope it's better!