Harry Potter RP {For RPG Newbies ONLY}

[Miranda_]

No, no and no again. I'm sorry, but your character is not only a Mary Sue, but also what is known in the Harry Potter fandom as a "B*tchiwitch". In other words, cruel, evil, misunderstood... far too cliched. Even the Slytherins have good points; no-one in the Harry Potter universe cept for Voldemort is completely bad. So your character is unrealistic. Also, Slytherins are not chosen cuz they're "spiteful, cruel and stubborn"; they're picked for being ambitious. There are nasty people in all the houses; for example, James Potter and Sirius Black were nasty bullies, and Cho's friend was a tell tale. Please redo your character, not only to be more realistic, but to not be a total cliche stereotype.

[stargazer97]

She's not misunderstood, but I edited it. Hope I did ok.

[Miranda_]

The way you edited it, she sounds more like a Hufflepuff than a Slytherin. Don't just put a character into a house cuz you happen to like the characters there; it seems to me like that's just what you've done. You've also just thrown the word "ambitious" in there, and it doesn't fit with everything else.

Also, your opening paragraph at the beginning is too much like Harry's, when he said "Not Slytherin". It's very unlikely that someone would be able to push the hat to not put them in Gryffindor, especially seeing as they are not all "wimps" and "goody goodies"; the Marauders were Gryffindors, and weren't either; Harry, Hermione and Ron aren't wimps, and they break too many rules to be goody goodies.

[airspritegal]

may I join or is the thread closed?

[Silent_Wolf]

-_-;; It's a tutoring RP, it's NEVER CLOSED. However, we expect you to read through all the pages and follow all the guidelines that have been listed over time. EG, NO MORE PUREBLOODS AND NO MORE SLYTHERINS. There are not that many Purebloods and a good number of people signed up to be Slytherin already, so we had to disallow that.

[XXcandyshopXx]

Character Bio Outline: A very nice girl but quite pretty and selfish
Full Name: Dalasa Green
Name or nickname they like to be called by: Greeno
House Slythhy
Gender: FEMALE
Age: 17
Appearance: Gorgeous, light brown hair, very pink cheeks, a wart on her chin
Personality: Selfish, agressive, but quite nice deep down, clever
Class (as in Pure Blood, Half Blood, or Muggleborn): Half blood
Strengths (as in subjects and non-subjects): Potions, DATDA
Weaknesses (as in subjects and non-subjects):Transformation, charms class

[Miranda_]

First of all, as I and the others have said many times, NO MORE SLYTHERINS! Too many people were putting themselves down as Slytherin, and all of them were disgusting Mary Sues. So we disallowed that as an option.

Second, stick to the original form please; no additions. "Character Bio Outline" is neither required or needed and what you've posted just screams "Mary Sue" anyway.

Third, appearence is NOT needed at all and again, Mary Sue. The wart is obviously just randomly thrown in as a pathetic attempt to make your character not a Sue. Describing her as "gorgeous" is a sign of being a Sue, as is your personality description. If she was selfish and aggressive, just how is she going to be "nice deep down"? The traits contradict each other.

You also didn't bother to add an opening paragraph, which is one of the requirements listed.

Please repost the profile rather than editing it, as then I can see how much it's been improved... and it needs a LOT of improvement before it passes muster.

[Moon_Crescent]

Full Name: Molly Roberts
House Desired (Ravenclaw, Slytherin, Hufflepuff, Gryffindor): Ravenclaw
Gender: Female
Age: 11 (first-year)
Appearance: She appears slightly shorter than the average aleven-year old. She has dark black hair and green eyes, and tan skin.
Personality: She's always been a loner, but not shy at all. Prefering to read over possibly going to a quidditch game, she's very quiet.
Class (as in Pure Blood, Half Blood, or Muggleborn): Muggle Born
Strengths (as in subjects and non-subjects): Herbology and Memorizing Spells.
Weaknesses (as in subjects and non-subjects): Potions, Transfiguration, Stubborn, and at times, very childlike.

"Roberts, Molly!" Yelled a witch in green robes. Molly puffed out her cheeks and walked over to the hat. With the hat going over her eyes, she felt ridiculous. Ah, whispered the hat in the back of her mind. a quiet one. Not really much of those here. But I can see where you go it from. A quick mind, and a quick reader, so that must be a- "RAVENCLAW!" The hat roared. It was ripped off her head, and Molly walked over to the Ravenclaw table.

[Miranda_]

Just a few things; firstly, you haven't really given your character any personality strengths as such. Also, you do really need some more personality weaknesses; the only one that really does for a weakness is stubbornness. You could fit in with that "strong minded" for a strength, and "sulky" as a weakness, for example; try to make all strengths and weaknesses fit together. Your intro paragraph needs to be longer; you need to describe your character a bit more. How does she feel? Is she nervous or excited? Is she thinking of doing her best at school, or only thinking of wanting to sit down at the feast? Pad it out a bit. Otherwise, a good effort.

Make a new post with the changes so I can see how you've improved.

[Moon_Crescent]

Shatalkingmushrooms, I thought it my by a Sue! 0.o

Full Name: Molly Roberts
House Desired (Ravenclaw, Slytherin, Hufflepuff, Gryffindor): Ravenclaw
Gender: Female
Age: 11 (first-year)
Appearance: She appears slightly shorter than the average eleven-year old. She has dark black hair and green eyes, and tan skin.
Personality: She's always been a loner, but not shy at all. Prefering to read over possibly going to a quidditch game, she's very quiet.
Class (as in Pure Blood, Half Blood, or Muggleborn): Muggle Born
Strengths (as in subjects and non-subjects): Stong Minded, Stong Willed, Generally a Happy Person, Loyal
Weaknesses (as in subjects and non-subjects): Stubborn, Competitive, Prone To Think Last Case Senario

"Roberts, Molly!" Yelled a witch in green robes. Moly felt a sudden flutter of anticapation and nervousness. This is it! She puffed out her cheeks and walked over to the hat. With the hat going over her eyes, she felt ridiculous. Ah, whispered the hat in the back of her mind. a quiet one. Not really much of those here. But I can see where you got it from. A quick mind, and a quick reader, so that must be a- "RAVENCLAW!" The hat roared. It was ripped off her head, and Molly walked over to the Ravenclaw table. Quietly she thought over a peice of toast. How am I going to do this? I have no idea how I got in here! A sudden burst of fear dropped into her stomach. What if I'm not a real Witch? They might have got it wrong! Molly knew enough from the wizard she met on the train that the Slytherins thought badly of muggle borns or half-bloods. Here goes everything! "Um, hi." She said to a black haired witch.

Better Miranda?