Christmas Jokes

[Miranda_]

Time to get in the mood, it being December tomorrow and all. XD


Q) What's wrong with Santa's alphabet?
A) No L, no L, no L, no L...


Q) Why is Santa always jolly?
A) Cuz he knows where all the bad girls live.


Q) Why isn't Santa a real man?
A) Cuz...

Real men can't wrap presents.
Real men don't know how to pack a bag.
Real men wouldn't be seen dead in red velvet.
Real men aren't interested in stockings unless there's a woman in them.

And...

Being totally responsible for Christmas would require commitment!


Q) What happens if you eat Christmas decorations?
A) You get tinsel-itis.


One particular Christmas season a long time ago, Santa was getting ready
for his annual trip, but there were problems everywhere. Four of his elves got sick, and the trainee elves did not produce the toys as fast as the regular ones so Santa was beginning to feel the pressure of being behind schedule. Then Mrs. Claus told Santa that her mom was coming to visit. This stressed Santa even more.


When he went to harness the reindeer, he found that three of them were
about to give birth and two had jumped the fence and were out, heaven knows where. More stress. Then when he began to load the sleigh one of the boards cracked, and the toy bag fell to the ground and scattered the toys. So, frustrated, Santa went into the house for a cup of apple cider and a shot of rum.


When he went to the cupboard, he discovered that the elves had hidden the liquor, and there was nothing to drink. In his frustration, he accidentally
dropped the cider pot, and it broke into hundreds of little pieces all over the
kitchen floor. He went to get the broom and found that mice had eaten the straw end of the broom.


Just then the doorbell rang, and irritable Santa trudged to the door. He
opened the door, and there was a little angel with a great Christmas tree.
The angel said, very cheerfully, “Merry Christmas, Santa. Isn’t it a lovely
day? I have a beautiful tree for you. Where would you like me to stick it?”


Thus began the tradition of the little angel on top of the Christmas
tree.

Haha - Very awesome. My favorties are the third one and the last one ;]]

ok, here are a few I've heard/seen over the years...
WARNING: may contain cornyness. o-o

What A Girl Wants For Christmas: The Santa Claus at a shopping mall was very surprised when Emily, a young lady about 20 years old walked up and sat on his lap. Now, we all know that Santa doesn't usually take requests from adults, but she smiled very nicely at him, so he asked her, 'What do you want for Christmas?''Something for my mother, please,' replied Emily sweetly.'Something for your mother? Well, that's very loving and thoughtful of you,' smiled Santa. 'What would you like me to bring her?'Without turning a hair Emily answered quickly, 'A son-in-law.'

Q.)What do you call the fear of getting stuck in a chimney?
A.)Santaclaustrophobia

Q.)What did the reindeer say before launching into his comedy routine?
A.)This will sleigh you.

Christmas Pudding Charms: Sterling silver Christmas charms to bring you good fortune. Potential choking hazard: do not use with food.

[Miranda_]

Funny Christmassy pictures. xD