Alternate endings to Twilight

[Miranda_]

Hermione Granger from the vastly superior Harry Potter series shows up and, having been given special permission to perform an unforgivable curse, AKs all the abominations.

[Catlover642]

Edward: "I can't read your mind. You must be special."
Bella: "Sorry, I spaced out there. What was that you said?"

Or it could be:

Edward: "I can't read your mind, your special."
Bella: "Yeah! They gave me my own special ward in the asylum, The Bella ward.

XD

Nessie goes nuts because she has no one to play with. She first kills Bella because she gave her a crappy name. She then kills Edward because he's obsessed with Bella. Then she kills Rosalie because she tried to kill Bella first. Then she kills Jasper because he's too moody. Then she kills Emett because she beat him at arm wrestling and he lost a bet. Then she kills Esme because she thinks Grandmothers suck. Then she kills Carlylse because she can't say his name right. Then she and Jacob run off together and have 10 puppies.

[Moon_Crescent]

Edwards "gift" actually made people have seizures but when Edward tried to read Bella's mind, her mentally challenged brain registered it as death and died.

Edward had swine flu instead of influenza, and it magically was able to kill him.

Originally Posted by TheHayleyDoll

These aren't really endings, but I'm going to type up random parodies, in no particular order. :P


Bella: "OMG, you're, like, soooo dangerous and hot."
Edward: "You smell... nice? Kind of like that cheap perfume I smelt at the dollar store. I like to smell things. Smells are nice."
Bella: "Thank you, irresistible pale guy! I think I, like, love you!"
****
Edward: "I can't read your mind. You must be special."
Bella: "Sorry, I spaced out there. What was that you said?"
****
Edward: "I think you should see the real me. Stand back! I'm dangerous and..."
Bella: "And...?"
Edward (steps into the sunlight): "I sparkle."
Bella: "Like, OMG! That's adorable!"
Edward: "I'm not adorable... I'm dangerous."
Bella: "You're like a little sparkly toy! Or maybe a Vegas show girl!"
Edward (looks down): "Wow, way to ruin my manhood."
****
Edward: "I have something to tell you."
Bella: "What?"
Edward: "I'm a vampire."
Bella: "Really? Like Dracula?"
Edward: "No. Not exactly... The author of this book made us wimps. We're not cool enough to drink human blood. We play baseball though. >.>"
Bella: "Oh."
****
Edward: "I have something else to tell you."
Bella: "What?"
Edward: "I'm a 117 year old virgin."
Bella: *laughs*
****
Jacob: "I like your daughter."
Bella: "Thank you. I like her too."
Jacob: "No. I LIKE her..."
Bella: "Oh. That's cool."
O_O


Alternative endings:

Nessie, upset over her terrible name, goes on a killing spree. She kills her parents and the rest of her "family", then runs - or rather, crawls - away with Jacob, where they live in "peace". Nessie gets pregnant at 12 years old, and Jacob doesn't believe it's his. They end up on Jerry Springer, and Nessie makes sure to get her "Jerry Beads" by flashing the audience. O_O
***
Edward, Bella, and Nessie all go on a road trip around the U.S. Suddenly, the car blows up, and they all die a terrible and gruesome death. The murderer? A Canadian girl named Hayley. She doesn't get jail time though, because she helped save the world from anymore Mary/Gary Sues being reproduced. Instead, she gets many medals and awards, and they even start a bomb making company in her honour. XD

3 and 5 werreee sooo funny i almost fell out my vchair!i mean i have to admit these r funny and i love twilight but i do agree that the sparlkies were pretty fruity^^