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Jokes Do you know any jokes? Do you want to read some?

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Default Not Always Right - 04-06-2009, 07:22 PM

I'm sure you've all heard the saying, "The customer is always right." Well, here are some funny example of times that the customers were wrong. Wayyy wrong. xD


(A customer is looking at the live fish swimming in the tank at the supermarket where my mom works.)
Customer: “Are these fresh?”
Mom: “They’re alive.”
Customer: “But are they FRESH?”
Mom: “… yes.”

(I was sitting behind the counter drinking coffee when a woman walked up to me.)
Me: “Hello, miss! How can I help you today?”
Customer: “Give me that!”
Me: “Um, what?”
Customer: *points to my coffee cup* “Give me that! You don’t deserve it. Only rich people like me deserve coffee and tea!”
Me: *sighing and pointing towards the coffee machine* “Miss, if you want some coffee you just need to show me your library card, and you can get some from there.”
Customer: *whips her card out and glares at me* “Here! Now give me your g**d**n coffee!”
(I point to the machine again, then go back to my book and coffee. Out of the corner of my eye, I see her run to the coffee machine, grab the full coffee pot and run out the door.)
Me: “HEY! Give that back!”
Customer: *shouting behind her while running out the door* “You don’t deserve it, you poor little b****!”
(Later on, another library patron who had seen it all came up to me. He told me how the same woman had stolen roses from his flower shop, and said that it was because no one else deserved them.)

(I’m a desk assistant at a college dorm. One day, these two giggly freshman girls come up to me.)
Girl #1: “Ummm… can we, like, borrow your phonebook?”
Me: “Sure thing.”
Girl #1: *flips through the book, looking completely dumbfounded*
Me: “Need help finding something?”
Girl #2: *whispers* “Jason’s is under ‘J’.”
Girl #1: *whispers back* “I know, but sometimes I forget the alphabet…”
Girl #2: “OmiGAWD me too!” *giggle giggle*
(I grab the phonebook and look up their listing.)
Me: “Here–Jason’s.”
Girl #1: “Oh my GAWD thank you! They should really have a college course for, like, phone books! I’m not from this town, so, ya know…”

(The lunch rush has just come and gone, and now the early release seniors from the local high school are trickling in.)
Me: “Hi, welcome to (drink shop).”
Blonde customer: “Mmm… I think I’ll try the Mahalo Mango today.”
Redhead customer: “Oooh. I heard mangoes are kinda bitter.”
Blonde customer: “Ew… like, can I get that without mango then?”
Me: “Would you rather the Power Pineapple? It’s the same smoothie, just pineapple instead of mango.”
Blonde customer: “No, I want to try something new… so, yeah. Mahalo Mango without the mango.”
Me: “Okay… what would you like instead of the mango?”
Blonde customer: “Um… can I get pineapple?”

Go to the site for much more. Those are just a couple good ones. xD Some people can be so dumb. My friend works at Tim Hortons, and one of her coworkers were working late at night. Some guy came in and un*****ed a tabletop - yes, just the top - and ran off with it. O_o He called their boss, and she was like, "Are you drunk?" She came in the next day, and sure enough, one of the tabletops had been stolen. XD
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Default 04-06-2009, 07:33 PM

Ha, those quotes are funny. XD I once had this woman say, "Can I have a gin and tonic? Only, I don't want tonic." I replied, "What do you want instead of tonic?" "Fizzy water."

Argh. -.-

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Default 04-18-2009, 06:14 PM

Drunk Customer: “You’re American! What state are you from??”
Me: “Actually Sir, I’m from Canada.”
Drunk Customer: “OH! The MORMON State!”
Me: “…”

Not A Planet You Want To **** Off

Retail | Tampa, FL, USA
Me: “Hi, did you find everything all right?”
Customer: “Yeah, I brought in my old printer ink so I know which number to get.”
Me: “A very good idea. And would you like to recycle your ink cartridge? You can receive money back if you’re a rewards customer.”
Customer: “A what customer?”
Me: “It’s a frequent shoppers program that lets you rack up purchases and receive money back on them. When you recycle an ink cartridge, you get $3.00.”
Customer: “I don’t want no credit card.”
Me: “Oh, it’s not a credit card, sir. And it’s completely free to sign up.”
Customer: “No thanks.”
Me: “All right, would you like to recycle it anyway? We do that here for free.”
Customer: “Why would I recycle it?”
Me: “Well, because it’s empty, and you can’t recycle them yourself. It’s better than just throwing it away.”
Customer: “Why?”
Me: “…because it’s good for the earth?”
Customer: “What has Earth ever done for me?”
Me: “Oxygen, sir?”

Being single doesn't make you weak, it means that you are strong enough to be on your own; Being alone could be a good thing, because there is no drama involved in your life, no pain, and free to do what ever you want. Life is too short to be chasing those who aren't even worth fighting for, you are worth more than that.

Last edited by LadyBast0911 : 04-18-2009 at 06:17 PM.
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