To all those dealing with depression/bipolar/or just feel alone

[sarika2004]

It's been a rough ride for me, it started young for me and I never really noticed it until it became really bad in my first year of high school. I had always thought this feeling I had was normal. This feeling of confusion and sadness. My freshman year was horrible, I even started planning about how to shoot up my school. I was so alone, my parents didn't believe that I had depression, to them it was just a feeling and I could get out of it. How wrong they were. This year was bad. I got 8 stitches across my head and ended up losing all the self confidence that I had left. I started thinking about suicide, that was my life. By mid-year I had lost interest in the things I loved to do, school was painful and my grades started to slip. I was procrastinating and I was even getting to class late. September rolled around and I got so bad, as some of you had read I found a boyfriend who turned out to be over controlling and a drug addict. I was crushed, I didn't know what to do. I tried to reach out to parents again, they said the same thing. They put the real meaning into 'parents don't understand'. I just go so caught up in this depression that I attempted suicide, I wasn't successful (obviously) but I continued to go without treatment. I hit a new low, a low that I didn't think I would hit. I stopped eating, stopped doing anything, stopped caring. I was just going through life like a shadow. I was so desperate for help I reached out to anyone who would listen. I found TeenCentral.com and they helped me so much. They kept encouraging me to live life and get help. I confided in my internet friends they kept me going as well. I was staying alive but I soon took up cutting, it made my emotional pain number and I was addicted. I knew I needed help, I randomly searched any search box I cam across. I stumbled across a YouTube video about depression. It was so helpful and that night I wrote to my counselor. I told her I needed help and quickly, it was so much easier telling her online. She wrote back almost immediatly and was grateful she checked her email that night. She told me to visit her the next day at the beginning of school, but also told me anything I said would be in confidence no one would know. The exception being if I said anything about hurting someone or myself. I wrote back promising her I wouldn't, but I lied again and cut myself after hitting the send button.

The story ends here, why? because this wasn't a long time ago this is real time, I encouage everyone to get help. I was almost throwing up writing the letter, but I'm so far gone that I need the help. I want everyone to realize that SUICIDE IS NOT AN OPTION. GET HELP.

Here are some links and numbers for you:
Teen Central - Teen Help For Teen Problems <-100% anonymous help
YouTube - Depression <-the movie that changed me
1-800-422-4453 <- Child Help USA...USA/CANADA/MEXICO help line 24/7 toll free
1-800-273-TALK (1-888-628-9454 for Spanish-speaking callers) <- For U.S. only...Nation Suicide Prevention Lifeline

IN AUSTRALIA:
1800 55 1800 <- Kids Help Line 24/7 toll free

IN THE U.K.
0800 1111 <-Childline UK 24/7 toll free

IN CANADA
1-800-668-6868 <-French and English...Kids Help Phone Canda...24/7 toll free

GOOD LUCK
~Sarika

!!Please feel free to add me to MSN or send me a PM, I'm open to anything and everything.!!

[Oo_Psychadelica_oO]

**hugs** Thanks for this post, girl. I really feel good knowing I'm not alone in the struggle with suicide and depression.

I'm really young but have attempted suicide 7 times and ended up in the E.R. for days each time I did. I attempted suicide just recently and when I woke up in the hospital on Thanksgiving and realized I was alive...I can't express it. I just really felt in my heart how valuable life is. I'm still struggling with depression and do think about suicide and did slip up and cut, but I'm trying really hard to never think of suicide as an answer again.

It's selfish and it's the easy way out. I'm getting lots of therapy now for my problems, and I just wanna tell other girls and guys to do the same. Stay strong and love yourself.

[sarika2004]

Yes, it is important to tell someone. I ended up being sent to the ER today, basically the school kicked me out. I went to talk with my normal counselor in the morning and she referred me to a Student Assistance Counselor who called my mom and sent my to the ER to be evaluated. I was so scared, nervous, angry, and sad at the same time. The morning was rough, I didn't think that my parents would understand, but they did. In fact, my dad suffered through the same thing I did. Anyways, I was kinda worried at the hospital, the whole security guard watching was a bit frightening. I talked to a behavorial specialist there who evaluated me and asked me numerous questions. Simple things like listing my good qualities, and why I didn't want to die helped so much. I was released with a note saying I could return to school tomorrow, and I was put in contact with a number of people. Everything from 1 on 1 counselors to someone who will help my with my self confidence issues. It feels like I lost 100 pounds off my shoulders.

Trust me, it's hard telling someone but once you get past that first step, the feeling is amazing. I have to admit, it's not all gone. One negative comment would probably send me back to where I started but for now, I'm doing alright. It took so long for me to come forward, but now that I'm getting the help and attention I need it'll only get easier. Please, trust me on this, you don't have to continue living like I was, tell someone!

[xJESSiCA]

Off topic: I really hope you don't mind, I added you to my MSN contact list.
On topic: I know someone that deals with depression, thank you.
BTW., that person is not me.

[sarika2004]

Yep, I accepted you.

I hope you can help your friend, if she's not getting the help she needs. Good luck with that.

[noirmali]

I know, you're really right..I've had this feeling before, even though I'm ten..such an early age..
Thank god I haven't tried commiting suicide yet, but people at school are making me think about it..
I got over the feeling sort of, by animating dolls so much that I can't really think about anything else, that helped a lot..
but now my parents are taking my computer away, and there's only 6 days left of my trial..
I won't get the real program for a while..
it leaves me a lot of time to go back to my original state =[
But the worst thing is not about me getting hurt, but lately I've been taking it out on other people..
I think it's still under my control, but your thread helped a lot. Thanks!! =]

[jenniferswe]

I have Bipolar Disorder and it can be rough. I have had a few nervious breakdowns and been in the hospital. Right now, I'm better. I'm on the correct medication and in couseling.

[Singergirl0911]

I may go to a shrink, but she does nothing for me. I've definitaly hit my biggest low these past 3 months. These past two days, I've actually taken a knife above my wrist. All I do is press down. Thank the Goddess I have cats and I just say there cat scratches. I feel pure hatred for so many people right now and could never tell anyone this. Not even my sister, whom I've very close to. I hate being so low and I believe I should go onto anti-depressites. I've told my sister, but she said it could just be teenage chemicals running through me. I don't think it is. I could never tell any one, ever and hope that people don't start asking. People say that my heart is made of steel. To me, its made of steel because of all the f*cking sh*t I have been going through these past 2 years along with my whole life. We were never a happy family, and now that I think about it, never could have been. "I tear my heart open, I sow myself shut, my weakness is that I care much, I tear myself open just to feel.." I love this song phrase from Papa Roach's Scarred...its so....me

Yesterday, I went to work and I started to cry. I hate life. I hate my parents. I hate this f*cking divorce. I hate everything in my life. My parents don't know me, my life, only what I show them. Its quite sad, really. But...I love seeing the blood come off my arm. No body even asks but one of my good friends.

My stress level varies from day to day. My family and I have recently been through a two year divorce. I do stress out over little things, I know I do and I try to calm myself. I try to actually breathe more and talk to my friends as often as possible. This site helps a lot to because its like another world. A third home...