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sarika2004 12-05-2006 06:31 PM

To all those dealing with depression/bipolar/or just feel alone
It's been a rough ride for me, it started young for me and I never really noticed it until it became really bad in my first year of high school. I had always thought this feeling I had was normal. This feeling of confusion and sadness. My freshman year was horrible, I even started planning about how to shoot up my school. I was so alone, my parents didn't believe that I had depression, to them it was just a feeling and I could get out of it. How wrong they were. This year was bad. I got 8 stitches across my head and ended up losing all the self confidence that I had left. I started thinking about suicide, that was my life. By mid-year I had lost interest in the things I loved to do, school was painful and my grades started to slip. I was procrastinating and I was even getting to class late. September rolled around and I got so bad, as some of you had read I found a boyfriend who turned out to be over controlling and a drug addict. I was crushed, I didn't know what to do. I tried to reach out to parents again, they said the same thing. They put the real meaning into 'parents don't understand'. I just go so caught up in this depression that I attempted suicide, I wasn't successful (obviously) but I continued to go without treatment. I hit a new low, a low that I didn't think I would hit. I stopped eating, stopped doing anything, stopped caring. I was just going through life like a shadow. I was so desperate for help I reached out to anyone who would listen. I found and they helped me so much. They kept encouraging me to live life and get help. I confided in my internet friends they kept me going as well. I was staying alive but I soon took up cutting, it made my emotional pain number and I was addicted. I knew I needed help, I randomly searched any search box I cam across. I stumbled across a YouTube video about depression. It was so helpful and that night I wrote to my counselor. I told her I needed help and quickly, it was so much easier telling her online. She wrote back almost immediatly and was grateful she checked her email that night. She told me to visit her the next day at the beginning of school, but also told me anything I said would be in confidence no one would know. The exception being if I said anything about hurting someone or myself. I wrote back promising her I wouldn't, but I lied again and cut myself after hitting the send button.

The story ends here, why? because this wasn't a long time ago this is real time, I encouage everyone to get help. I was almost throwing up writing the letter, but I'm so far gone that I need the help. I want everyone to realize that SUICIDE IS NOT AN OPTION. GET HELP.

Here are some links and numbers for you:
Teen Central - Teen Help For Teen Problems <-100% anonymous help
YouTube - Depression <-the movie that changed me
1-800-422-4453 <- Child Help USA...USA/CANADA/MEXICO help line 24/7 toll free
1-800-273-TALK (1-888-628-9454 for Spanish-speaking callers) <- For U.S. only...Nation Suicide Prevention Lifeline

1800 55 1800 <- Kids Help Line 24/7 toll free

0800 1111 <-Childline UK 24/7 toll free

1-800-668-6868 <-French and English...Kids Help Phone Canda...24/7 toll free


!!Please feel free to add me to MSN or send me a PM, I'm open to anything and everything.!!

Oo_Psychadelica_oO 12-06-2006 04:13 PM

**hugs** Thanks for this post, girl. I really feel good knowing I'm not alone in the struggle with suicide and depression.

I'm really young but have attempted suicide 7 times and ended up in the E.R. for days each time I did. I attempted suicide just recently and when I woke up in the hospital on Thanksgiving and realized I was alive...I can't express it. I just really felt in my heart how valuable life is. I'm still struggling with depression and do think about suicide and did slip up and cut, but I'm trying really hard to never think of suicide as an answer again.

It's selfish and it's the easy way out. I'm getting lots of therapy now for my problems, and I just wanna tell other girls and guys to do the same. Stay strong and love yourself.

sarika2004 12-07-2006 06:00 PM

Yes, it is important to tell someone. I ended up being sent to the ER today, basically the school kicked me out. I went to talk with my normal counselor in the morning and she referred me to a Student Assistance Counselor who called my mom and sent my to the ER to be evaluated. I was so scared, nervous, angry, and sad at the same time. The morning was rough, I didn't think that my parents would understand, but they did. In fact, my dad suffered through the same thing I did. Anyways, I was kinda worried at the hospital, the whole security guard watching was a bit frightening. I talked to a behavorial specialist there who evaluated me and asked me numerous questions. Simple things like listing my good qualities, and why I didn't want to die helped so much. I was released with a note saying I could return to school tomorrow, and I was put in contact with a number of people. Everything from 1 on 1 counselors to someone who will help my with my self confidence issues. It feels like I lost 100 pounds off my shoulders.

Trust me, it's hard telling someone but once you get past that first step, the feeling is amazing. I have to admit, it's not all gone. One negative comment would probably send me back to where I started but for now, I'm doing alright. It took so long for me to come forward, but now that I'm getting the help and attention I need it'll only get easier. Please, trust me on this, you don't have to continue living like I was, tell someone!

xJESSiCA 12-07-2006 06:35 PM

Off topic: I really hope you don't mind, I added you to my MSN contact list.
On topic: I know someone that deals with depression, thank you.
BTW., that person is not me. ;)

sarika2004 12-07-2006 06:43 PM

Yep, I accepted you.

I hope you can help your friend, if she's not getting the help she needs. Good luck with that.

noirmali 12-08-2006 06:58 AM

I know, you're really right..I've had this feeling before, even though I'm ten..such an early age..
Thank god I haven't tried commiting suicide yet, but people at school are making me think about it..
I got over the feeling sort of, by animating dolls so much that I can't really think about anything else, that helped a lot..
but now my parents are taking my computer away, and there's only 6 days left of my trial..
I won't get the real program for a while..
it leaves me a lot of time to go back to my original state =[
But the worst thing is not about me getting hurt, but lately I've been taking it out on other people..
I think it's still under my control, but your thread helped a lot. Thanks!! =]

sarika2004 12-08-2006 03:17 PM

Aw, I'm so sorry you feel that way. It sounds you're hitting a rough spot in your life, probably not depression. I know what you're thinking, but hear me out, this is a good thing. With depression, we loose the ability to do thing we once loved, that's not to say that you don't have it - but most likely not. At first, I thought you might have depression because of your comment on how you've been angry - just try to find that someone you can talk to it really does help! A note on your suicidal comments, first it's not the answer - your fixing a temporary problem with a premanent solution. Second, do you have a plan on how you would end your life? or a set date when to take your life? Lastly, you've just started entering that time when girls are forming cliques and if you fall between the cracks it's extremely hard to get out. Start by talking more, and even though it's hard don't take what anyone says personally, remember 95% of the people you meet will have below-average intelligence. Comfort yourself with that fact.
I want to express again how I'm here and can help you through this. Part of my unofficial therapy is to help people so they don't have to suffer as I have. Add me to MSN, if you have it or PM me for my private e-mail address.
I want everyone to know they are not alone, and there are other people out there that want to help them through this difficult time.

I just wanted to add on how my day has gone, I went to school today which was a big step. I talked to my regular counselor (god I love her) and like I mentioned before a student assistance counselor. They were both very concerned about me, and were so happy that I was feeling better. I talked to them about various things and we worked out my school work problems, right now I can't have any stress else I will probably fall back into my 'shell'. Ms. Rider (my student assisstance counselor) has told me I NEED to do something outside the house this weekend, and I should try to go back to the barn I use to go to. It'll be hard, but because I want to change and I know there is hope, I'm trying anything.

Oh, I forgot...if you say most people won't understand is because they won't. Unless they have dealt with it or are trained to deal with people with our condition, they just won't get it. Oddly, we have just finished reading Catcher in the Rye, and we had a discussion about depression today. I was jumping in and trying to make them understand, but they just thought people with depression were crazy/could snap out of it/etc. So don't give up if your friends and peers don't get you - talk it out with someone who does.

fiveleafclover 12-08-2006 05:34 PM

Depression actually runs in my family. I haven't been diagnosed or anything, but my cousin, my aunt, and my mom all have it and are all on medication. I don't want to believe that I may have it as well, but the way I've been for the last year or so has been hard. I've been frequently go through periods of complete hatred of myself, that I'm just this complete idiot, and that everything I've done and said is just totally stupid. They're just these random incredibly low spots. I haven't mentioned any of this to my parents or friends so ..yeah its kinda hard posting a bit of this...

Sidenote: I do realize that a lot of people may feel like this and it may or may not be depression...

AnnieAnonymous 12-09-2006 02:03 AM

My friend started cutting. I gat so mad, she had no reason at all what so ever to cut. Her life is just fine, and i didn't understand. One day we were laughing at spongebob the next... well, things just got different when we went to middle school. She still did all the fun things she used to do, still laughed, but got new interests. She wasn't depressed. Why cut?
I got so scared when she told me, so I told my parents. Her family is really close to mine, so my parents told hers. She still hates me (it happened a while after school started). She told our best friend i was immature. She said i don't understand. But their is nothing wrong. It was just like she went to middle school and met some new people. "Bam!" she's a stranger. Her parents don't even like me now.
I really want to help her. I get so scared I will lose her. Is their something I don't get? Am I really that immature? Because you guys know what it is like to go through the things she is, what would you want your friend to do to help?

Sorry if it's off topic. I know, it's not my problem. But i don't know where to post this. :oops:

Raegen 12-09-2006 09:48 AM

Thanks for sharing.

I was diagnosed with depression when I was about 12/13 years old. I tried committing suicide 4 times since I was 10 that has landed me in the hospital each time. The root of my depression has been there since I was born. I was born to a mother who didnt care for me, never wanted me, and did nothing for me. I learned how to do everything by myself by the time I was 6 and was an "adult" since then. I was a heavy drug user and partyer since I was very young. I got pregnant at fourteen which did no help; I resented my daughter for months after she was born, blaming my problems on her. When my daughter was 5 months I started to get my life back on track. When I became pregnant with my son in 2004 I decided to do something about my life but it wasnt until I found out I was pregnant with my youngest daughter I did something. I started going to more therapy and got off my medication so that I could have a happy pregnancy and be able to breastfeed my daughter.

Being able to say something is the matter is a huge accomplishment; at least I know for me it was and im proud of each and everyone of you ladies who have been able to share your story with confidence.

I wish you all the best of luck and wish you a Merry Christmas!

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