To all those dealing with depression/bipolar/or just feel alone - 12-05-2006, 06:31 PM
It's been a rough ride for me, it started young for me and I never really noticed it until it became really bad in my first year of high school. I had always thought this feeling I had was normal. This feeling of confusion and sadness. My freshman year was horrible, I even started planning about how to shoot up my school. I was so alone, my parents didn't believe that I had depression, to them it was just a feeling and I could get out of it. How wrong they were. This year was bad. I got 8 stitches across my head and ended up losing all the self confidence that I had left. I started thinking about suicide, that was my life. By mid-year I had lost interest in the things I loved to do, school was painful and my grades started to slip. I was procrastinating and I was even getting to class late. September rolled around and I got so bad, as some of you had read I found a boyfriend who turned out to be over controlling and a drug addict. I was crushed, I didn't know what to do. I tried to reach out to parents again, they said the same thing. They put the real meaning into 'parents don't understand'. I just go so caught up in this depression that I attempted suicide, I wasn't successful (obviously) but I continued to go without treatment. I hit a new low, a low that I didn't think I would hit. I stopped eating, stopped doing anything, stopped caring. I was just going through life like a shadow. I was so desperate for help I reached out to anyone who would listen. I found TeenCentral.com and they helped me so much. They kept encouraging me to live life and get help. I confided in my internet friends they kept me going as well. I was staying alive but I soon took up cutting, it made my emotional pain number and I was addicted. I knew I needed help, I randomly searched any search box I cam across. I stumbled across a YouTube video about depression. It was so helpful and that night I wrote to my counselor. I told her I needed help and quickly, it was so much easier telling her online. She wrote back almost immediatly and was grateful she checked her email that night. She told me to visit her the next day at the beginning of school, but also told me anything I said would be in confidence no one would know. The exception being if I said anything about hurting someone or myself. I wrote back promising her I wouldn't, but I lied again and cut myself after hitting the send button.
The story ends here, why? because this wasn't a long time ago this is real time, I encouage everyone to get help. I was almost throwing up writing the letter, but I'm so far gone that I need the help. I want everyone to realize that SUICIDE IS NOT AN OPTION. GET HELP.
Here are some links and numbers for you:
Teen Central - Teen Help For Teen Problems <-100% anonymous help
YouTube - Depression <-the movie that changed me
1-800-422-4453 <- Child Help USA...USA/CANADA/MEXICO help line 24/7 toll free
1-800-273-TALK (1-888-628-9454 for Spanish-speaking callers) <- For U.S. only...Nation Suicide Prevention Lifeline
1800 55 1800 <- Kids Help Line 24/7 toll free
IN THE U.K.
0800 1111 <-Childline UK 24/7 toll free
1-800-668-6868 <-French and English...Kids Help Phone Canda...24/7 toll free
!!Please feel free to add me to MSN or send me a PM, I'm open to anything and everything.!!
Your sarcastic, spazzy, and smexy lover!