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LancasterPrincess 09-16-2012 09:53 PM

&!%@# to Friendly
If you were to meet me in person, your first impression would not be kind. I'm often seen as witchy and stern, and not mistakenly so. I'm high strung and demand perfection (a result of my childhood), and it's incredibly irritating when I interact with people who don't meet my very high standards.

I'm in the wrong, not the world, I know that, but no matter what, without fail, I always end up being a complete witch.

Part of my problem is a very high insecurity. I know there's other things that probably cause me to act that way, but that's the main culprit I'm sure.

Problem is, I see this, I recognize it, but I don't know how to change. Can therapists help with that? Are there programs that teach you how to make friends and interact with people? Do any of ya'll have advice?

I don't want to be like this, and even though I don't intend to snap at people and nag and the like, those things happen in split seconds before I can stop myself.

Can any of you help me? Relate?

belladoggy 09-16-2012 10:10 PM

Hoo boy can I relate! About the snapping, anyway. Unfortunately with me, it happens after I've known the person for a while and just can't handle them any more.

Lovie, there are DEFINITELY ways to get help; talking to a therapist if you can afford it is usually a very good option because it will help you PINPOINT exactly what about meeting others sets you off so you can compensate for that. There are also mood stabilizing medications you may want to ask a psychiatrist about; I've used them before and they do help me keep calm (I think they'd be good for your situation because it seems like you lose control if even slightly provoked, so the medication could prevent angry outbursts). The best thing to do would be to talk to a professional, of course. It's really good that you already recognize behavior you want to change :)

LancasterPrincess 09-16-2012 10:49 PM

Indeed. A few things you said really stuck out and I will definately ask Gracie's nurse if there's anything a psychiatrist can do for me while breastfeeding and during a future pregnancy.

Besides mental help, does anyone know if there are relationship building tools available? People don't like me. I've always been okay with that as I'm reclusive, but being a stay at home mom means I have to do playdates/groups and if the moms don't like me then my daughter won't have a chance. I don't know how to make friends, or how to keep them. I'm really good with online friends and relationships, but outside the Internet I'm absolutely awkward.

Aussiemum777 09-20-2012 12:20 AM

I have always had trouble making and keeping freinds, I tended to always be the person that ruined any relationship, a lot of that was due to my troubled past, and just not knowing how to relate to people, being a stay at home mother doesnt help and you will need to relate to other mothers at some point, at play dates, kindergarten, kids parties & school etc, I am sure you will be fine because the only thing they ever talk about is kids, husbands, housekeeping and cooking, it does get tedious but true freindships can be formed, not for me though I was always too insecure and ended up being awkward in any situation so I learned to enjoy my own company.
Now that my kids are older and I am back in the work force I have learned to get along and be myself around others, it took a while but I found that watching how others interacted with each other was very helpful, it helps you to see what is acceptable and what is unacceptable in terms of behaviour, connversation topics, body language etc, watching people sounds really weird "observing" sounds much better, it will teach you make and maintain freindships, like you Lovie I find it easier with online freinds and when you think about it you met Amy through the doll palace and now you are life long freinds, you couldnt of been too unlikable or "witchy" as you put it, all you need to do is find people that you click with or connect with which isnt easy and that is why I have acquaintances rather then true freinds, it may be something that you will just have to accept and learn to live me.

LancasterPrincess 09-20-2012 09:02 AM

Thanks Ness! I will definately try observing other people interact, it sounds like it will help a lot in luei of my awkwardness.

Indeed. You should have seen us when we first met in person. She had her camera and apparently when that's in hand she's super quiet and determined to get good shots. Her husband Jon had to keep reassuring me that it wasn't because she didn't like me, lol.

I was okay being a loner up until just recently. Being a SAHM I'm starting to worry about Gracie not interacting with people and children her age. I was a part of online mommy groups when I first brought Gracie home but was unceremoniously kicked out because they didn't like me as a mother. It was an online community, something I'm actually comfortable in! That really put a blow to my self esteem. Not only do people not want to be friends with me, they don't like the way I mother my daughter and really don't want to be around me. That's why I'm freaking out so much. I have to learn to be around mothers in real life and I failed online! I just don't know how or if I'm going to be able to do it. And I have the added pressure of feeling like I'm failing Gracie if I don't succeed because she doesn't have anyone her age to play with. :(

Aussiemum777 09-20-2012 05:57 PM

Gracie wont suffer Lovie, You are an intelligent human being with a fantastic husband and a beautiful daughter, you will learn to get along with people, the more you worry the worse it will get, I know that it is hard not to worry (trust me I am the best worrier ever!) be yourself and if people dont like you then stuff them, your husband loves you, Amy loves you and I am sure there are others that like you too.
As far as Gracie goes she will always have friends even if you dont becme friends with the parents, I used to drop my kids off at play dates and then pick them up, not a lot of conversation took place, smile be friendly and thats all you need to do.

MsShino 09-21-2012 12:39 PM

Lovie I can totally relate. In Jr. High is when my mental health stuff started getting worse. Depression is not fun when you are an insecure teenage girl. Luckily in High School I had a few amazing friends and that was enough. Now as an adult I find the person that I consider my closest friend is my mom.

Therapy can help. I do reccommend that you ask around about therapists, and don't think that once you have picked one you have to stay with them. Whether you just go to a therapist of an actual psychiatrist you are not obligated to continue if you don't think the fit is right. (I'm lucky cause my mom is/was a psych nurse so I have a great doctor.)

In regards to the mommy thing. Unfortunately a lot of that will have to do with holding your tongue. Depending on how old Gracie is, and where you live, you might be able to find Mommy and Me classes that are hosted at gyms, or daycares or other public places that the other moms can't control. Another thing I have noticed with some mommys is that they can be just as cliquey as tween/teen girls, so sometimes you have to hold your tongue til you can find one that is more accepting, or might be like you and doing it more for their little one than the opportunity to socialize.

LancasterPrincess 09-21-2012 01:00 PM

That's true. Maybe I don't have anything to worry about after all. Play dates are more about entertaining the children so hopefully I won't have to socialize with the moms too much.

And thanks for the Mommy and Me idea Shino! A place where the cliquey moms won't be able to exclude me sounds like just what I need! I will definately be looking around for some of those.

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