The Vine - June 2012

[Miranda_]

What's New.

Well, what's obviously new is that I don't have as good a memory for this newsletter as Elanorea has; I completely forgot about April and May. So, we're on to June now, sorry! Anyway, don't forget to send nominations for the Best Doll categories along with a link. Nothing much to say in the news section at the moment, cept that the rules have been relaxedd in the RP forum so if you want to start an RP, feel free. We would welcome some new players.

Also, the Miss TDP Mary Sue contest is still ongoing, with the second rounds up in Doll Creation. Anyone can join, at any time; you don't need to be a genius doll maker cuz it's not necessarily the best doll that will win the prize. If you wish to enter, then post your doll and drabble in the correct thread. Any questions about the contest, PM me.

Dolls Of The Month.

Best Handdrawn.
The award this month goes to TheHayleyDoll, for her fantastic Lara Croft doll! Go to her doll thread, here to comment.

Best Dollmaker.
Best dollmaker doll this month has to be Eros' fabulous water centaur doll. I love the water animation. Comment on her doll thread here.

Best Art.
This month, the award goes to Spirit_Queen for her "Brotherly Chat" art! Comment on her dA here!

Birthdays.



Happy Birthday to: Shinigami_xxx; Mathea29; Elanorea, Silent_Wolf and Miranda_!

[Miranda_]

Horrorscopes by Miranda.

Aquarius
You FINALLY realize that your life-time goal of destroying the world is self-defeating. This weekend brings an excellent opportunity to get drunk and humiliate yourself at the top of your voice - unaware that your friends have bugged your coat and are broadcasting every word to your mum, your boss and your partner. It is time for you to stop daydreaming and get back to reality. Failing to tune into the reality will result in you missing out on all the new and exciting things taking place within the real world. You will get caught in an unexpected rainstorm on Saturday and your new wool sweater will shrink to doll size. You will also smell of wet sheep all day as a result.

Pisces
A co-worker will smile at you. It may mean something, or they may just be trying to be friendly. You lack confidence and are generally a coward. No matter how much your friends try, you still misunderstand the punchline of every joke. You have the personality of a tree, the looks of the back of a bus and the sense of humour of a German. You still can't understand why people as a general rule cross the road to avoid you, and your pointless and irritating optimism keeps you constantly bouncing up to people and trying to start conversations. Warning: Beware of the dog.

Aries
Love is in the air. Messy. Anyway there is nothing but luck this week for those of you with lots of luck this week. The rest of you may, or may not, be as lucky as that. In fact, you may find yourself being stuck behind an elderly person who manages to take up the entire pavement at the same time as walking at a snail's pace. Tempting tho it may be, resist the temptation to push them over. The tealeaves will not bode well for you this month. Someone's out to get you. They want to carve your gizzard and fry it for their supper. Make sure you hang out with vegetarians until the coast is clear.

Taurus
Your bull headed thick skulled stupidity will land you in trouble this Friday night when you accidently annoy the wrong person. Still, you will find love when you strike up a conversation with the person in the next hospital bed. More bad luck awaits you next Monday. You will entertain all of your co-workers with an impersonation of your boss. They’ll be even more entertained by the expression on your employer’s face as he walks up behind you without your knowledge. You will lose your wallet, and wonder just how the Cancer living down the road was able to buy so many new clothes on their next shopping trip. Most people would be able to make the connection, but not you.

Gemini
Split personalities like yours can be amusing for those next to them, especially when you have an argument with yourself. It's especially pathetic when you lose that argument and spend the next hour sulking in a corner. If cupidity didn't get the best of you, stupidity will. June will be an entertaining month for us. We'll be watching you and we'll be laughing at you. You will fall over in two days and sprain your finger. You will also mislay your cheese sandwich and not be able to locate it again. Here's an interesting factoid; in all your past lives, you were just as dull, stupid, and insignificant as you are today, but you were much less ugly. Tip: Buy an umbrella.

Cancer
You are a vain and arrogant person; you will get much worse this month, cuz of it being your birthday. For the sake of everyone around you, at least try to act gracious when receiving gifts. You will benefit from it later, I promise. Good looks will not get you thru life; for god's sake, try to develop a better personality than the one you have. You will dream that cheese will fall from the sky, and wake up believing that your dreams have meaning. This is untrue. Your strange dreams are sent to punish you for being so self obsessed. You're in your twenties; it's about time that you stopped acting like a bratty teenager and just grew up. No-one likes you, but you don't care as long as you have your full length mirror.

[Miranda_]

Leo
You frequently mistake innate stupidity for courage, due to your belief that lions are brave. They are not; that is lionesses. Lions sit around on their fat lazy backsides letting their womenfolk do all the work. Don’t look a gift horse in the mouth this week. They actually have huge teeth that could chew your entire face off. Some might say that is an improvement. Do not be tempted this Thursday to stick your head in the freezer. You do not want to see what lies in there... like perhaps the severed head of the previous tenant. Some things are better off undiscovered. Warning: Mind the gap.

Virgo
You really need to focus on setting some goals in your life. Start by eating some healthy food with a proper knife, fork, and plate rather than those sporks they give you at KFC when they hand you your plastic bowl filled with cheese, mashed potatoes, and chicken neck mixture. You wrongly believe that your best friend likes you and wishes you well. This person you believe to be a friend and you don’t have that many 'true' friends. This is someone you would have gone through a lot of discussing things with – someone you think you can definitely call a ‘friend’. Beware. An insincere and evil friend is to be more feared than a wild beast. The beast may wound your body but the evil friend will destroy your MIND.

Libra
Your symbol is a set of scales, rather like your life. On one side is your total monetary input, on the other is your vast spending habits. They don't add up, do they? You feel that buying large amounts of designer clothes makes you a better person. Actually, it doesn't. It just emphasises how shallow and pointless your existance is. A male Capricorn will lie to you and try to scam you out of a ton of money. It’s okay to smack him in the head with a rock, he deserves it. But don't go too far, as you don't want to end up in a jail cell wearing hideously undesigner jumpsuits and peeing into a bucket. Still, it would at least be a more interesting weekend than the one coming is prophesised to be. Tip: Wear something plaid for luck.

Scorpio
You will hurt yourself doing something really stupid, so you should fabricate an interesting story now so you don’t look like a moron when you come in to work next week with a neck brace. Perhaps you can say you were attacked by a bear while trying to save a group of Cub Scouts from a forest fire that was started by a freak marshmallow roasting accident? Or maybe you hurt yourself trying to push a blind old lady with a heart of gold out of the way of an oncoming locomotive that was engulfed in flames from the radioactive toasted forest fire marshmallows? Or better yet, you hurt yourself when you tried to steal the last bag of marshmallows out of a blind old lady’s shopping cart and a bunch of Cub Scouts saw the whole thing and beat you up in the parking lot? Oh, wait, that’s actually what’s going to happen. You're a complete moron, aren't you?

Sagittarius
Your selfishness will be at an all-time high this week when you steal quarters from your friends’ couch cushions to buy yourself a dozen donuts that you will eat alone in your apartment like some ravenous hyena. You will hunt thru the high street for a pair of jeans that flatter your enormous backside. Your failure will drive you to steal a charity box in order to buy yet more cake. You really are a nasty piece of work this month, aren't you? Your criminality matches that of a Cancer, but whereas they have the looks and charm to carry it off, you do not. Quit it before you provoke a restless lynch mob to chase you down the road waving lighted torches and pitchforks.

Capricorn
Sometimes, you imagine that life is really out to get you. That isn't paranoia, by the way; merely an accurate depiction of how your life is supposed to be. Some people in your life might not be impressed with your ideas right now. It’s because your ideas are typically stupid, but no one is brave enough to tell you because you also have some pretty severe anger management issues. Just to let you know, that burger you ate last week was made out of people. If it’s any consolation, they weren’t really nice people. That's what you get for avoiding large corporations and buying burgers off weird bearded guys with street stalls, and it serves you right. Warning: Do not bang your head. Every time you do, you lose a dozen brain cells and you don't have many more to lose.

[Elanorea]

You know, just yesterday I was thinking "aren't we overdue for a newsletter?" and now here it is! Glad to see you're still working on it, and don't worry, I missed a few editions too... more than a few, actually xP. And your horoscopes are hilarious and accurate as always.

[spirit_queen]

As a Libra, I find t more effective to smash those shoddy scales into the male Capricorn's head- a.k.a., my brother. No joke, he is a Capricorn.

[belladoggy]

Well, if you're encouraging the Libra's to smash the Male Cappy's with a rock, I think you're lending accuracy to your statement about life being out to get us,

Also, you said it yourself: We don't have too many spare brain cells lying around, so watch where you put those rocks and/or scales xD