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Default ~* Miss TDP Mary Sue - Round One {Handdrawn} Scores And Critique *~ - 08-12-2014, 04:32 PM

Here are the scores and critique for round one of the handdrawn section of Miss TDP Mary Sue, by myself and guest judge spirit_queen. Round two will be up soon!

LancasterPrincess

Doll - 9/10

Wow. Just, wow. What a beautful doll! And the background makes your character stand out brilliantly. To quote Sweetie Belle, "I really like her mane!" Of course, your character has to be an alicorn princess; no other race would do to make your Mary Sue as mindblowingly special, would it? She almost seems to glow and every detail is just fantastic. A really stunning entry!

That fractal is mind-blowingly gorgeous! Wow! Yet, it also does not distract from the pony herself- wih her delicate lace, her light fur contrasting sharply against the dark bg. The fractals actually lead in to the pony visually, a stunning composition. My only complaint is that, aside from the strands being divided, the strands themselves are pillow shaded. Though this works okay on the braid, the top parts of her hair seem flat. For example, the strand that goes over her ear- the part that actually goes over her ear should be darkest, and there should be a highlight near the base, and the very end of this chunk of hair would be lighter again as it turns/flicks back up.

But that's a nit-picky detail; it is still a very fabulous work.


Profile - 10/10

My first thought on reading your profile was, "What a totally snobby cow!" So self centred and sure of herself, plus not even bothering to get the other characters' names right. Your Mary Sue is focused entirely on herself and her own story and not caring a jot about the other ponies, dismissing them as nobodies. First person is one thing that Suethors use a lot in their stories and it nearly always is used in just this way, making the reader hate the character and long to take her down a peg! I can't wait to see what you do for the second round!

I smiled the whole way though- yours was a wonderfully comedic work! The glaring overconfidence was a sure joy to read!There is a lack of detail- but the writing make it looks very, very intentional on your part, as it's part of the flippant voice you chose in using the first-person POV Excellent, excellent work.

TheHayleyDoll

Doll - 9/10


Very simple, yet, so effective! Since your chosen fandom is an anime, it's always a good idea to keep a doll simple cuz that's the way that most anime characters are drawn. I'm very impressed with the Eevee; a very difficult Pokemon to draw by hand, so the fact that you made it from scratch is fantastic. The background is good for being a neutral colour so as to give full attention to the Sue. A background that was a different colour would take away from that. The doll herself is a scream; she's wearing very skimpy clothes with a knowing smirk on her face. I have to hope that her profile shows her to be an adult, seeing as her skirt is so very short; sadly, knowing Mary Sue, that's too much to ask.

The simplistic style works really well for this; it goes with the base, and the background, and just looks beautiful. The Eevee is very well-done if you did it by hand, and I'm thoroughly impressed with it. The use of a pokéball in the background is great- but it makes the doll look like she's part of a larger composition, and there are no secondary things to focus on in this composition, making the piece look mildly imbalanced. It's very nitpicky, I know, and nudging her in toward center by maybe five pixels would fix it. Overall I love it, though; it's a great style for you, and pays homage to animation done on cells in its simplicity.

Profile - 9/10

Alas, my hopes are dashed; Raven is only fifteen, which makes the fact that she's wearing such scanty clothing very creepy indeed! Especially with the fact that she's known as the prettiest trainer. I loved the little detail about Ash begging Raven to date him, but he's not good looking or talented enough for your Sue. She's also so special, she gets an Eevee rather than a starter Pokemon, catches every Pokemon save the legendaries, and then only cuz she doesn't think it right to capture them, and is undefeated in every match she plays. The cream of the profile is the fact that she's the Elite Four champion, yet wants to leave cuz she's just so bored of always winning! What a total hoot!

Bubbly, talented, sweet. Raven has it all! You pay great attention to all the details in appearance, personality, and training. The ridiculous addition of the Eevee hatching because of destiny is spot on, and all the details pertaining to Jhoto are wonderful! Clearly, you know the world enough to manipulate it to your will, and create a vomit-worthy sue with it. I adore the details of catching everything except legendary because of morals, but for Celebi- it's so inane and eye-roll worthy! Your work on her is so good so far, I wanted more- a little specific blurb for example, instead of just summary in the bio. Perhaps I'm being too picky- but just come back and make me eat my own words then, eh? Knock my socks off, please do!



Last edited by Miranda_ : 08-13-2014 at 07:21 PM.
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Default 08-12-2014, 04:36 PM

Eros

Doll - 8/10


I have to say, I do like this doll a lot. The way she's beaming at us all, and proudly showing off her powers, make me think that she's a bit of a show off. The shadow is a nice touch, tho a background would have set the doll off even more. The jumpsuit is a little pillowy on the shading, but as I know full well, all in ones are very difficult to doll accurately. It's hard to make it look just right, and I commend you for having a bash at it.

You chose a challenging thing to doll; tight suits are hard to get right, and I admire you for trying. It's just a little pillowshaded. The fire has some nice curves to it, a very nice shape- I wish you'd made it bigger, actually. And you bothered to paint a shadow beneath her feet, making me long for a backdrop- even if it was nothing but a few simplistically done books to imply her absorption of knowledge as well as powers, or something. All that said, it's only round one, and I've no doubt you'll grow and improve as we go on!

Profile - 9/10

Wow, what a hideously revolting Mary Sue you've made. Not content with her just having one power, like everyone else in the X-men fandom, you've essentially made it possible for her to have everyone's powers! And with zero problems along the way, too, unlike poor Rogue. Plus, she's so sure of herself, even as a toddler, and the way she talks to Professor X just made me cry with laughter. I'm almost afraid to see what she does in the next round!

Violette can take powers and abilities without any side-effects to her or the other person, and keeps them forever? Wow, it's like it's too good to be true! That's just so suerific- and the emphasis put upon her impossible prowess, such as holding complex conversations at age 3, are superb. I'm a little surprised she didn't absorb any information about mutants- whether toxic ideas or not, the fact that she never thought she could be one is surprising, and I'm not quite sure it's intentional on your behalf or not.

That being, said the sassy blurb with the professor was humorous, and I liked it a lot- I look forward to more story coming from you on your work- both here and in dollmaker.


Celune

Doll - 9/10


What an absolutely perfect doll! A background would set this off nicely but you did mention that you had internet issues, so I understand why you couldn't do this. Perhaps in later rounds... anyway, the hair is beautifully shaded and almost seems to glow, which suits a Mary Sue. I love her impractical outfit, with the cleavage and midriff showing; of course, a Sue can't possibly stick to silly uniform when she has to look special! I expect that if she has to run, she won't be having any accidents with her bo'obs popping out, either. In short, a wonderfully made doll.

What beautiful pixel work! The hair has the right greenish shadows to imply naturally light hair, and the custom work on the base is fabulous! The fabric folds are flawless, and the boots actually look weighty! This doll is gorgeous- you're forgiven for late entry. I wish you'd given a backdrop, or prop, or just something more- the character seems to demand more to me. That's my only real critique- but I suppose real-life has made it hard for you, of late.

Profile - 10/10

Oh my god... what a simply sickening character Mayuka is! Her very name makes me feel physically ill; there's just no point to having such a stupidly long name. And of course, she's the very best at what she does, and all at age seventeen. I like the massive paragraph you've written to describe your Sue's looks; cuz after all, a Sue's looks are the most important thing about her. She also seems to be good at absolutely everything, which is also a plus. Reading this profile makes me feel as tho I just ate a jar of golden syrup, and the tragic past is a definite Sue staple. Of course, her past having to fight constantly leaves no mark on her perfectly beautiful face! The finishing touch is having paranoid Nick Fury let down his guard for Mayuka and become her personal mentor. I hardly dare to imagine what you're going to give us for round two!

I love, love, LOVE the self-insertion here! I don't even care if it's actually you or not- the face that you added those little blurbs for appearance just cracked me up! The fact that you actually gave her one tiny flaw almost made me dock a point- but then I saw the absurd number of skills you gave her and changed my mind. And of course any sue story can't happen without uneccessary involvement from a canon character- in this case Nick Fury, the man who trusts no one. It is clearly very well thought out, and has good creative impulse behind it, this entry- I look forward to more!


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~* Miss TDP Mary Sue - Round One {Dollmaker} Scores And Critique *~ Miranda_ Doll Creation 1 08-12-2014 04:28 PM



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