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Default ~* Miss TDP Mary Sue - Round One {Dollmaker} Scores And Critique *~ - 08-12-2014, 03:27 PM

Here are the scores and critique for round one of the dollmaker section of Miss TDP Mary Sue, by myself and guest judge spirit_queen. Round two will be up soon!

Fabulous_Doller

Doll - 9/10


Well, this is an excellent representation of the Mary Sue in the Supernatural fandom! I love the knowing smirk on her face as she stands in the woods with the Metallicar in the background. I'm betting that she often shoulders Dean out the way to get in the driving seat! I love the fact that instead of wearing jeans, she's out there fighting monsters in a little black dress and stilettos. Her hair could use a fraction more red in it, to properly match the profile, but that's just a minor criticism. Overall, this is a great entry.

The background and inclusion of the Chevy is fabulous and provides the perfect atmosphere. Misty smoky, a nice show. The doll looks perfectly nonchalant in environment, wearing deliciously impractical clothing for a thing such as hunting. Because of course she can hunt in heels and a dress! Duh! My only real (small) complaint with her is that her hair and eyes do not match the profile. Again, very small, but you put such attention into describing her in your profile I'd wish you'd play with that in the doll. A very strong start overall.


Profile - 9/10

Very detailed - I like all the pointless flowery description of what your Sue looks like, and her skills and powers. I especially loved the way she always has to rescue Dean and Sam, and her cute little handgun which somehow she's always able to utilise to defeat the bad guys, no matter what they are! How unrealistic and yet, how Mary Sue! Your Sue effortlessly takes over the entire show and yet no-one seems to resent her for doing so. A bit of detail on her heroics would have finished this off, but in short, this is a perfectly sickening Sue so well done!

This profile has about everything! Un-necessary relation to a canon character, vomit-worthy descriptions of perfection, besting of the boys, and strange powers. In the description, you use the usual offenders; gem eyes, perfect but vague sense of style (specifically saying little more then dresses and wearing lots of black), shining strawberry blonde hair. I only wish you'd added on to her physique; slim but impossibly strong, or tough and wiry, or some way to have her fit idealistic beauty but still be the super-strong super-fast impossible hero.

Her very name is just- so much! And you include the whole thing every time you go to reiterate it in writing. “Gwendolyn” also has the added benefit of being tied to a mythical queen in Welsh legend- a white lady knight, the perfect metaphor for how you want people to view your sue.

Gwendolyn's personality is, of course, helpful and sweet-yet-tough, and never described beyond that. Instead, you choose the reptutation route, taking more time to add in details about how all those on the side of good love her -not a shred of jealousy, of course, because no one could hate her!- and all those on the side of evil fear and revile her.

Her parents, of course, own some sort of business and are implied to be well-off enough to put her into college, which she passes with flying colors despite burgeoning powers and fighting evil nightly. She's just so smart that she needs practically no time to do the papers and research needed for a psych major.

Like I've mentioned up there, some more minor details would have bumped this up- body description, perhaps mentioning a canon best friend or moment when she'd intervened and saved everyone in a canon episode. But that's just me being nit-picky. Otherwise, Gwendolyn Hyacinth Gemmabelle Lovelace is off to a strong start!


Eros

Doll - 9/10


What a beautiful doll! I love the way that you've edited your doll so that she fully fits the description as well as providing a suitable background that matches her perfectly without detracting from the Sue's overwhelming beauty. Lots of work has gone into this, I can see! I'm almost expecting the fish to move as I look at it; plenty of detail, a lovely border and right in the centre as is her right, the Mary Sue herself. All in all, a really good start to the competition.

The background and character mesh very, very well; it being pixel helps a lot in making the character look immersed there.The long, golden hair and sparkling tail are fabulous, as is the doll's expression. I'm guessing here, but it looks like you did some custom editing on that doll. If I'm right, then I'm thoroughly impressed! My only -minimal- complaint is that there seems to be an excess of negative space around the doll- you could have cropped the piece with less room on the top there. The fish on the sides fill up that space, but the top is fairly empty and doesn't serve much toward the composition as a whole. But that's just my being nit-picky.

Profile - 10/10

Ugh... I nearly threw up in my mouth when reading your sickly sweet profile. That's a good thing, in case you were wondering. It means that you've completely nailed the profile! Everything that's needed to create the most sickening Mary Sue is right there. Firstly, the description of Aquamarine's appearance is utterly ridiculous. I ask you, a colour changing tail?! Completely non canon but of course, a Mary Sue can't possibly stick to boring old canon in her quest to be better than everyone else! With of course the obligitory excuse of why your Sue has this power. XD I just love the way that she takes over the entire story (who's "The Little Mermaid" about, again?) by being more fantastic than Ariel, and even manages to talk Ariel out of her love for a human! Absolutely perfect!

Princess Aquamarine a great profile! It I hinted in the movies that Triton is the only or at least main king of the sea, but still somehow the sue is still a princess. Her beauty attracts a “sea fairy”- stealing from another tale (Aurora's), genius! And nevermind that, in a way, mer-folk are supposed to be sea fairies in their own right- disregarding something like that its in perfect with suefic logic.

She is enviously beautiful, her tail can change colors (gift of the fairy for no other reason than beauty alone), her voice can soothe anyone. She is always helpful, funny witty. And not only do you state that she is Ariel's best friend, but you show us by telling a short story, posing her as the voice of reason to Ariel's flights of fancy. I cannot be more impressed with your doing that in the first round; I was not at all expecting anyone to bother yet, but to do that for round two.



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Default 08-12-2014, 03:28 PM

Belladoggy

Doll - 9/10


Wow... so much work has gone into this, and it shows! That dollmaker you linked to; the dolls are HUGE. And yet, you were able to resize the outfit perfectly so that it would fit the shuni head you chose for your doll! I love the background and the area around the doll isn't too big; just as it should be, cuz all attention must be focused on the Mary Sue! My only nitpick is that there's a tiny bit sliced off the border on the left hand side so the sides don't match, but that's only a minor issue.

Props to you for crediting! That actually bumped you up a point- since it was obvious you'd used different materials, I was extremely glad you added this. There's a lot of negative space in the background; closer cropping would be appreciated. Also, for future rounds, don't be afraid to try/find other backgrounds! Landscapes can work. I'm really fascinated by your using a large, vector dollmaker and resizing it to fit/allow a prep head, and look forward to seeing you try to work out how to give your sue other poses (even if just sitting) in other round to avoid repetition.

Visually not the most eye-catching of the designs, but clearly involved a lot of “puzzle-piecing”, if you will. Try varying composition in future ones- put her off-center. And try maybe finding a border pattern that looks more like the geometry-inspired designs seen on the show itself, and tie the show's culture into the whole look. In general, though, I can see the hard work that's gone into this piece and can very much appreciate it- I'm just being nit-picky as a judge.


Profile - 10/10

Oh my god... what a repulsive, disgusting Mary Sue you've come up with! Reading this profile, I just could not believe how loathsome your character is, and how sickly sweet. I'm not au fait with the Avatar fandom, so I went and did a bit of research so that I could fully judge your Sue, and I'm glad I did cuz after doing so, your Sue is even worse than I originally thought.

The fact that she can master all the air bending techniques is bad enough without that catty aside about the Avatar being only half spirit and not necessarily possessing good looks. Ouch! What a total cow! And yet, she's adored by all despite that. I especially adore that beauty is listed as being one of her skills; it's just so disgustingly Mary Sue to have being gorgeous as a skill, along with eternal life and youth. All in all, you have totally nailed this round and I can't wait to see your second round entry!


No lie, if I were sure I could get away with 11/10 points on this, I would! Your profile was so suerific I had to take breaks just to read it all! And in a contest meant to mimic and mock bad writing, that is the ultimate level, the “god tier”, if you will take a reference to a completely different fandom.

And the detail! References to besting Toph, to besting Aang, references to Spirit World and using a thorough, researched knowledge of the canon history just to bend it to your will-! I could not be more pleased with the superb effort that went into this profile. Everything was mentioned- her eyes, her hair, her looks, her body, her abilities, her personality. You really got your hands dirty here, taking the time to make every tiny thing another pointer to how utterly perfect this character is supposed to be. And that's why I had to take breaks- I almost took you seriously and wanted to either spoof it or argue or get a headache!

I don't have any real critiques for this round, really- even the block paragraphs are accurate for a suethor. Really, really well done- no, excellently done. I both look forward to and shudder at the thought of your other rounds.


Keewee

Doll - 9/10


May I just say now that I do like the unusually shaped border! So much more creative than just sticking with square and rounded. As the doll, she is beautiful; not only dressed completely differently to how a Star Wars character should dress, but she has been made the complete focus of the picture. Nothing else is allowed to feature when there's a Mary Sue to admire! Everything matches and the colours go very well together. Very good.


The background, converted to pixelated quality by the gif format, works wonderfully in immersing the character. Her outfit is perfectly absurd for the culture- far too modern Earth for the sort of culture she'd supposed to represent. My only minor complain is that she's fighting between being in the frame and out. Be conscious of your choice, and make it more obvious; if she's supposed to be in the frame, have the gold cover her where they touch. If she's supposed to be out, make the background smaller and have her larger than it, and sticking out of the frame, so it looks like a very deliberate thing. Overall, though, the piece is visually striking, and has a good color palette of neutral and gold; probably my favorite physical doll so far.

Profile - 8/10

Flipping hell... what an idiotic name your Mary Sue has! Far too long, with quite frankly stupid spellings of the names included, and completed with a weirdly modern surname. A masterpiece indeed. As for the rest, there could be a bit more description of your Sue's appearence, which is of course far more important than anything else, but the personality description is ample as it is, as Mary Sue has not much personality to speak of. Her bio is hilarious.

I adore the fact that she becomes a senator at the tender age of twelve years old, then goes on to do everything so much better than previous senators; crime rate drops, and poverty and unemployment vanish. And the icing on the cake; promoted to Supreme Chancellor at fourteen, and resigning after three years cuz she's already made three planets perfect. I would like to see the bio part a bit bigger as well as appearance; a truly sickening Sue just has to have vast stories told about her greatness, but a good start to the competition!


Najaya has a fairly strong start here; long, ridiculous name, helpful, wise personality, show-stopping good looks, and abilities beyond her years. She is a prodigy child, with no seeming flaws, wowing everyone and bringing peace and harmony to everything she touches. There are some great specifics- but I am left wanting more. I want to be overwhelmed with nonsensical detail about this girl, her looks, her prowess, her selfless nature- flood me, drown me. This is a good beginning, but some more would sell it up, make her feel more “developed” -or, in the case of an intentional sue, more stuffed with useless and impossible strengths- and make me want to shudder in revulsion. So, overall, pretty good, but could use some beefing up.


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