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Miranda_ (Offline)
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Rating: 46 Votes / 5.00 Average
Default Miss TDP Mary Sue Round 1 {Handdrawn} - Scores And Critique - 06-05-2012, 03:43 PM


Scores -
Profile: 9/10. Doll: 7/10.

Profile Critique.

Oh, my god. An entire paragraph set aside to describe this Sue's looks! Now, that is precisely what you would find in an actual Suefic. Never mind actually bothering to put in some character, but instead using horribly purple descriptive prose to fully show off how loathsome this Sue really is. I'm just really loving the way that the looks paragraph is about five times bigger than the one for her personality; a really nice touch. This Sue is sickening; everyone loves her, save for those who are jealous; she has perfect skills and powers of course, and is the most beautiful person in the entire universe. Just one thing; you need to ladle on the awfulness a bit more in her bio.

The profile was absolutely sickening, which means it was more or less a success. The description was perfectly outrageous; light skin "like silver moonbeams", two differently colored eyes, long, flawless red hair, and a taste for a clothing style that doesn't even fit in with the Jedi universe at all. I do enjoy how the saber and the yes match up, as well.

The personality is about as lacking as most Sues, and just as witless; those facts wouldn't mean anything to a person not overly familiar with the characters you referenced.

You turned the power section into a story in and of itself! Realistically, it makes it a bore and is highly unnecessary, but, in a Sue contest, it gives you more points. Strongest in the Force, best at flying, best with her saber, musically gifted, and her beauty allowed her to learn from the Teras Kasi! Delightfully ridiculous!

An appropriate, needlessly tragic opening for a Sue that, of course, immediately transfers over to blinding success. Her wooing of Kenobi makes absolutely no sense whatsoever… which fits, because Sue gets what Sue wants. The ending was a nice touch, with her not being allowed to marry.

Overall, the profile was fabulous. I took away one point, however, because it's not as over-the-top; next time, go out of your way to literally make me laugh in my seat at the stupidity involved in your Sue's tale.

Doll Critique.

I'm actually really jealous of the perfect folds in this doll's dress. I adore all the little details, like her belt and ornamentation, and her stupidly elaborate mode of dress which would be a real problem in an actual fight with the Sith. And her stupidly large lightsabre is just perfect, tho it could do with some shadowing next to where her hand grips it. It's a bit difficult to tell where her hair ends; maybe make her top a different colour so that the hair stands out more? All in all, a fantastic start to the competition.

The doll has a nice attention to correlation between written description and actual appearance. However, her right eye looks more red than soft violet. I'm sure if I zoomed in, it would look violet, but from out here it looks red. This is caused by no more than a simple optical illusion; the blue of her skin makes the reds in the violet stand out all the more. A simple adjustment making the violet more periwinkle would help; with a lot of this sort of stuff, it's a matter of trial and error, of zooming in and tweaking and zooming out to see if it looks right.

Also, the laser 'blades' of the saber look like plastic, not like light; overemphasizing the light part in the middle and antialiasing the outside would help make a glowing effect. I tried to find a glowing tutorial, but could literally find none… which surprises me, really.

And, for future note, the red of the shirt and the red of the hair seem to blend, making it hare to tell if her hair really does end at her hips. This has to do with character design; since you didn't describe the clothes beyond "gothic dresses", you could have very easily made use of that lack and chosen a color that would have made her lucius locks pop rather than blend. I hope this helps for future reference.

This is just the beginning round, however, where you're still figuring things out, so I've still given you a pretty decent score with that. But with only two entrants, it's going to heat up real quick, so I hope you take note of some of this sort of thing for the future. ^^

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