Cartoon Dolls Community  - Doll forums and doll maker discussion boards

Cartoon Dolls Community - Doll forums and doll maker discussion boards (
-   Doll Creation (
-   -   Miss TDP Mary Sue Round 1 {Handdrawn} - Scores And Critique (

Miranda_ 06-05-2012 03:43 PM

Miss TDP Mary Sue Round 1 {Handdrawn} - Scores And Critique

Scores -
Profile: 9/10. Doll: 7/10.

Profile Critique.

Oh, my god. An entire paragraph set aside to describe this Sue's looks! Now, that is precisely what you would find in an actual Suefic. Never mind actually bothering to put in some character, but instead using horribly purple descriptive prose to fully show off how loathsome this Sue really is. I'm just really loving the way that the looks paragraph is about five times bigger than the one for her personality; a really nice touch. This Sue is sickening; everyone loves her, save for those who are jealous; she has perfect skills and powers of course, and is the most beautiful person in the entire universe. Just one thing; you need to ladle on the awfulness a bit more in her bio.

The profile was absolutely sickening, which means it was more or less a success. The description was perfectly outrageous; light skin "like silver moonbeams", two differently colored eyes, long, flawless red hair, and a taste for a clothing style that doesn't even fit in with the Jedi universe at all. I do enjoy how the saber and the yes match up, as well.

The personality is about as lacking as most Sues, and just as witless; those facts wouldn't mean anything to a person not overly familiar with the characters you referenced.

You turned the power section into a story in and of itself! Realistically, it makes it a bore and is highly unnecessary, but, in a Sue contest, it gives you more points. Strongest in the Force, best at flying, best with her saber, musically gifted, and her beauty allowed her to learn from the Teras Kasi! Delightfully ridiculous!

An appropriate, needlessly tragic opening for a Sue that, of course, immediately transfers over to blinding success. Her wooing of Kenobi makes absolutely no sense whatsoever… which fits, because Sue gets what Sue wants. The ending was a nice touch, with her not being allowed to marry.

Overall, the profile was fabulous. I took away one point, however, because it's not as over-the-top; next time, go out of your way to literally make me laugh in my seat at the stupidity involved in your Sue's tale.

Doll Critique.

I'm actually really jealous of the perfect folds in this doll's dress. I adore all the little details, like her belt and ornamentation, and her stupidly elaborate mode of dress which would be a real problem in an actual fight with the Sith. And her stupidly large lightsabre is just perfect, tho it could do with some shadowing next to where her hand grips it. It's a bit difficult to tell where her hair ends; maybe make her top a different colour so that the hair stands out more? All in all, a fantastic start to the competition.

The doll has a nice attention to correlation between written description and actual appearance. However, her right eye looks more red than soft violet. I'm sure if I zoomed in, it would look violet, but from out here it looks red. This is caused by no more than a simple optical illusion; the blue of her skin makes the reds in the violet stand out all the more. A simple adjustment making the violet more periwinkle would help; with a lot of this sort of stuff, it's a matter of trial and error, of zooming in and tweaking and zooming out to see if it looks right.

Also, the laser 'blades' of the saber look like plastic, not like light; overemphasizing the light part in the middle and antialiasing the outside would help make a glowing effect. I tried to find a glowing tutorial, but could literally find none… which surprises me, really.

And, for future note, the red of the shirt and the red of the hair seem to blend, making it hare to tell if her hair really does end at her hips. This has to do with character design; since you didn't describe the clothes beyond "gothic dresses", you could have very easily made use of that lack and chosen a color that would have made her lucius locks pop rather than blend. I hope this helps for future reference.

This is just the beginning round, however, where you're still figuring things out, so I've still given you a pretty decent score with that. But with only two entrants, it's going to heat up real quick, so I hope you take note of some of this sort of thing for the future. ^^

Miranda_ 06-05-2012 03:52 PM


Scores -
Profile: 8/10. Doll: 9/10.

Profile Critique.

A perfect example of the Sue species known to all as a "B*tchiwitch". Over the top bio, with the obligitory tragic past; ridiculous amount of power, and of course, a stupidly long flowery name that makes no apparent sense. I can see this Sue being a right cow to everyone who encounters her, but them being unrealistically nice to her and loving her all the same, despite the attitude problem. The only faults to this profile are that firstly there's too much description of her powers and not enough of her looks; Sues focus more on how a character looks than what they can do, as a general rule. In any case, I want to read more about this character in later rounds.

The profile is pretty well done, overall. However, some points taken off due to the fact that it's a little hard to read; there is a certain lack of proper punctation, and a lot of awkward run-ons. While one would expect an actual Suefic writer to do just these, this is a spoof contest and these should be fun to read. It's easier to enjoy it if you don't have to puzzle out meaning.

That little bit of criticism said, let's move on to the more pleasing particulars, shall we?

Our Sue has the looks any girl would envy, it says… and what sue hasn't? The description is aptly ridiculous. I especially enjoy the phrase "an ample gravity defying bosom". Who would realistically say that? It's so… so… absurd that it's funny.

Personality? B*tchiwitch Sue, obviously; appears all sweet and caring when you first meet her, turns into a beast after a few mere moments, can only properly stand to be around the mysterious "best friend" figure with a very Irish name.

She is manipulative, she's spoiled and selfish, and exceedingly moody. Very B*tchiwitch.

The ambiguity of the power statements are just perfect; what the heck are her powers, anyways? Unstated, she just "oozes" power anyway, because b*tch is just that freaking' fabulous. there's no rhyme or reason to it, it just is. And, of course, beauty must be reiterated under "power".

Ah. So now we know why she's so evil and full of hate; mummy dearest was murdered by dad. As of yet, revenge seems to be open-ended; it hasn't happened yet, so far as I can see. Aside from the murder, there is little to no detail about the rest of her life. There's a little but on being bitter and abused, a little on being "grounded" by Tara, and then…

True love ahoy! Perfect DreamBoy is oblivious to Scarlet, but she will have him! He's even the owner of the most horribly punny bar in town, "Fangtasia". It's so over-the-top I'm a little ill. He's described so elegantly as "he is tall, extremely handsome and he has the palest white soft skin, the brightest blue eyes and a hard toned body"…. well, what about his hair? Guess Scarlet doesn't like it was much as those washboard abs.

Doll Critique.

I allowed this larger base than normal; it's only a little over the limit and you've made good use of it so I will allow it to stand. I love the folds of her dress and of course the black stockinged leg which has to be visible. Her hair is fantastic, tho it's a little difficult to see against the background which is a problem. There could be better positioned highlights on the clothes, and the background could be a bit lighter, but all in all, this is a fantastic doll.

The hair looks a tad bit pillowed and doesn't have quite enough contrast, and the skirt lacks a consistent light source, but the border, background, and corset are all fabulous. Due to a relatively ease description, it was pretty easy for you to make her match. Nice touch with the nail, too; I likely would have forgotten something like that.

I'm a bit surprised that creamy-white neck of hers is plain, though; a woman who wants it her way all the time would need a fabulous necklace for such a dress, no? Something to keep in mind next time.

The blood droplets are cute, but too opaque; fresh blood, when dripping, is semi-transparent and darker. It would be darker along the outside an transparent along the middle, with opaque pink-white highlights in the upper middle. Given the background, which you doubtless didn't pixel by hand, I'm sure semi-transparency shouldn't be too hard on an unanimated image.

All times are GMT -4. The time now is 01:32 PM.

© 2007 The Doll Palace