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Miranda_ 06-05-2012 03:14 PM

Miss TDP Mary Sue Round 1 {Dollmakers} - Scores And Critique

Scores: Profile - 10/10. Doll - 7/10.

Critique - Profile.

This is just so utterly ridiculous, so self serving, just so totally Mary Sue! Pointless, flowerly description of her looks, stupidly long name and of course, possessing of a special skill that only the Mary Sue can do. This profile ticks every single box and is just revoltingly perfect. I especially love the way she manages to persuade Ariel out of her love for a human and fixes him up with her brother instead. XD Just absolutely perfect, so full marks.

This- this was what I was looking for when I'd heard this contest was rebooted!

The name? Ridiculous.

The description? Overly superfluous with the hair, the eyes, the skin and especially that tail! It is a fun twist on the typical Sparklypoo Sue. The personality is expectedly bland, and the powers mercifully short.

The bio is a riot! My eyes swam reading it! The needless inclusion of a sea-fairy, as though such a thing existed, was perfect; she has the Sleeping Beauty christening without the negative side-effects. This little tidbit came almost out of nowhere with a wham and made it stand out as a Suefic.

And, of course, if she's in the Little Mermaid tale, she has to be Ariel's best friend, the best friend that is better than her and wiser than her but is too kind to brag about it.

There are some minor spelling issues, but it does not at all detract from the tale. Mind you now, I expect this sort of brilliance in the next round, so watch out!

Critique - Doll.

I love the vacuous expression on her face, and the ever so lovely beautiful hair and tail. However, it would have been nice to see some accessories on the doll along with a background perhaps. Maybe in the next round? Anyway, this is a lovely doll and I look forward to seeing more of your Sue in the next round.

This doll fits the description perfectly, but, given how flowery the written part was, I expected more in the way of props and background. If you don't know how to get such things in, it's easy, just make sure you credit the maker. If, like me, you think dolls look better on actual pixellated backgrounds, these sites ([1], [2]) have wonderful room-makers with pixellated scene backgrounds easily saved for personal use; just credit them. Props can be found on most doll-maker sites, including these.

If you don't have a program of your own to edit in, gimp is a free image-editing program that can do more then MSpaint

Miranda_ 06-05-2012 03:26 PM


Scores - Profile: 8/10. Doll: 8/10.

Profile Critique.

Oh god, the purple prose, the purple prose! Simply awful the way the description of your Sue's looks and the scant attention to her actual personality; this is a revoltingly horrendous depiction of the Sue in all her hideous glory. Of course, this Sue has a tragic past, where she is raped and abused, but of course is adopted by America and is of course, his favourite. Not to mention the way that someone is, of course, jealous of the Sue and everyone loves her. So sickly sweet it makes one want to puke. My only real criticism is that this needs to have a teensy bit more grammar and proper sentence structure to it, so as to fully put accross the horror of the Suefic.

Oh, god, the fact that you chose Hetalia, one of the scariest fandoms out there, gave me chills. You step it up further with a ridiculous name, nonsense description, and more.

Her description is contradictory, if you look at it; 'willowy' people are usually skinny, not curvy, unless, like the 'perfect' Sue, she is somehow both at the same time. Such irrelevant details, like the fingers and toes. It's very sickeningly Sue.

The personality is so insipid and bland and Sue I can hardly stand to read it - don't worry, that's a good thing. However, you might want to review your writing; it's confusing who exactly she befriends until you get to the bio. Yes, I know a Suefic writing would do much worse, but the purpose of this contest is really humor, and understanding the ridiculous situations you set up is part of that humor.

The powers? PSSSSHHH, nothing to do with Texan stereotypes whatsoever, just a one-up contest with the other countries, but of course Texas is too kind-hearted to point out her own flawlessness.

Tragic past? Check.

Sweet rescue? Check.

Inserting herself needlessly into everyone's business? Check.

And where on earth did America get a tower? I mean, for heaven's sake, we don't really have any of those unless it's a really old penitentiary… it's perfectly stupid and funny. I love it.

Only real problems are some of the odd uses of commas, making it a little less of a joy to read. Then again, the intro part is sucky to do no matter what; the fun stuff comes next.

Doll Critique.

A perfectly stereotyped Texan girl is this Sue; I just adore all the little details, like her heart shaped kiss curl, her top detailing, her cute and winsome expression. She just has that look of "oh, you just know you can't help but fall in love with me!" on her face, the mark of the true Sue. I would have liked to see her with a background tho, as well as to show off her Sueishness to the max. Maybe something to think of for the next round?

Fits description perfectly as possible, as sweet expression, and a little heart curl to make Italy jealous. Nice touch. However, it's just the doll on her own; next round, give me some background or props, or frames; go wild! If you look up for my comments on the doll above yours, I linked to a website with pixellated backgrounds, which is always better to use for dolls than any photo. Props are all over the place; mix 'n match! I want to see you go over-the-top with this!

Miranda_ 06-05-2012 03:33 PM


Scores - Profile: 6/10. Doll: 8/10.

Profile Critique.

Bio was rushed, I know, but a good effort none the less. Those commas in the Sue's name really ought to be full stops; it makes the profile look a tad untidy. Despite the rushedness of the profile, the sickeningly sweet Sue still comes to life and shows off her horrible personality, or lack of one. Seriously, reading this profile made my teeth hurt with the sweetness. She does need to have more pointless description of her looks, tho; Sues are reknowned for their inability to have a personality worth thinking about, with acres more wording spent on describing their oh so perfect looks.

I know you had less time to spend on this one, and, unfortunately, it shows; it lacks some of that extra something you put into your hand-drawn one. However, what's there shows great promise; ridiculous name, needless powers (and, of course, the one extremely powerful thing she has is left unexplained), and very needlessly tragic background. Needlessly because it barely seems to have affected her character, which is somewhere between sweet and bratty.

Some questions; does she now rule Fairyland? Will she at all interact with the canon characters? I'd love these to be answered in the next round.

Doll Critique.

I'm just loving this doll's expression; she looks like a total spoiled brat in her facial expression but of course, we just know that everyone will love her anyway. The flower is a nice touch and I'm loving all the little details like the sparkle to the flower, the gauzy wings and the frills to her dress. A perfect match to the description!

Despite the fact that this was rushed, you are the only one to have included props of any sort! I'm ver proud of that. Not to mention it goes along with the description, a nice touch.

However, some points taken off because she's described as pale but has tannish skin, and I know you're capable of a quick ditto; have you used the wand tool to select certain colors? Then, when recoloring, you can use a large brush and sweep over particular colors instead of owing it pixel by pixel.

I'm excited to see your next doll!

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