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Default Miss TDP Mary Sue Round 3 {Handdrawn} - 11-03-2010, 11:08 AM

The entrants for the next round of the competition are as follows:

Cheshire1996
Aussiemum777
Antimaie
TheHayleyDoll
Spirit_Queen
Lancaster_Princess

New entrants are allowed, but remember that by not entering the first and second rounds, you've missed out on forty potential points.

Example:



Name: Rowanna Mystick Angel Demetor.
Age: Fourteen; she's in fifth year tho cuz she was moved up a year due to being so clever.
Fandom: Harry Potter.
Drabble: Rowanna Mystick Angel Demetor had known that there was something wrong about Harry's vision the moment she was told. Of course, cuz she was now dating Harry Potter, having dumped Blaise for him the previous week, Harry confided in her before he told anyone else that he had seen Sirius being tortured at the hands of Lord Voldemort. Of course, Rowanna Mystick Angel Demetor had no problems at all in saying the name out loud, something that Harry admired her for. Rowanna Mystick Angel Demetor was sure that there was something wrong about what Harry had seen, and told him so herself. She said that there wasn't anything to be gained in jumping to conclusions and took charge of things herself. First she sent her own owl Midnight, who was coloured black with a slight purple tinge and a white front, off to Sirius with a letter. She wasn't at all worried about Midnight being attacked by Umbridge; Midnight was cleverer than any other owl and would easily escape.

Once they received Sirius's reply that same day, since Midnight flew so quickly, it was only an hour or so before he returned. Sirus promised Harry and Rowanna Mystick Angel Demetor that he was perfectly alright and that he'd stay in his house until they gave him word. He was, like everyone else, completely dazzled by Rowanna Mystick Angel Demetor's beauty and kindness, and only wanted to do as she said. Rowanna Mystick Angel Demetor then turned to Harry and said that they would go to the Ministry and fight. Harry agreed with her and said that he would go with her. The pair of them flew a Thestral to the Ministry; Rowanna Mystick Angel Demetor could see Thestrals, despite not having seen death, due to her angel powers. Once at the Ministry, they were immediately attacked by Death Eaters. Rowanna Mystick Angel Demetor courageously defended Harry, who didn't really do much of anything, against the attackers. When Voldemort came, well, he didn't stand a chance. Rowanna Mystick Angel Demetor dueled with Voldemort, using her special angel powers to the fullest, and he was soon defeated. He fled the Ministry out of fear of Rowanna Mystick Angel Demetor's anger. Harry was overjoyed and very proud of his girlfriend. However, Rowanna Mystick Angel Demetor was thinking of Sirius Black, and wondering whether she should go and see him personally...

General Competition Rules.

1. Character. When entering, you need to enter with one character and stay with it the entire time. This means that your doll’s hair and skin colour must remain the same throughout, unless otherwise stated in the round theme.
2. Base. You must use the same base set throughout, so pick one with a variety of poses. This base should also be medium in size for handdrawn dollers (comparable in size to the "Moe" bases here: DHF : Doll on the Hill Factory). Dollmaker users should use the shuni style base.
3. Theft. No stealing the work of another. This applies to both handdrawn and dollmaker participants, so do not submit a doll that someone else made or, for handdrawn dollers, mix and match pieces of completed dolls that are not your own. All work should be original and failure to comply will result in disqualification.
4. Props. Props and backgrounds are encouraged, but should not be massive. We will ask too large of entries to reduce their size, so be reasonable.
5. Transparency. We ask that all dolls have transparent background and is a GIF file. If you don’t know how to do this, see the following thread: How to Make Backgrounds Transparent
6. Forbidden. Sexually explicit, nudity or overly bloody dolls are forbidden. Entering one could result in disqualification. Also, animation and glitter is not allowed as it creates an unequal field for those who can't animate.
7. Theme. Every doll should relate to the theme. While we encourage creativity, failure to keep with the theme can get you eliminated automatically that round.
8. Judges. No one is allowed to use friendship or promises to sway a judge’s decision. Threats, bribery, and attempts to interfere or discover the judge’s decisions in anyway will result in disqualification. Arguing with the judges can result in an automatic elimination.
9. Competing. You can only submit one entry for each competition, so choose wisely.
10. Entries. You may enter both competitions if you wish. Make sure, however, that you do not enter the same profile for both competitions; it must be different.

Each entry must consist of a doll and a drabble. The drabble must be at least 100 words, tho a longer and more colourful entry will gain in points over one that is just the bare minimum.

Round 3: The Mary Sue's Trials And Battles.

This round is to show your Mary Sue in battle, perhaps fighting for her loved ones, or fighting in a war, or even battling the top villain of the series. Go mad with pointless description, shouldering aside the canon hero in order to gain glory for your Sue and of course, purple prose. Any questions, feel free to PM me.

Please submit all Handdrawn entries here. Judges are as before, myself and Silent_Wolf, and the end date is December 2nd. An extension can be granted if need be, but try to get your entries in as soon as is possible. Good luck everyone!


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Default 12-06-2010, 11:22 PM


\base/
Want to read the comments that go with the story and the image? Click here!
(Due to the character limit, the Drabble will be linked out. Please click Here!)

Doll: 10/10 Drabble: 7/10

Doll Critique.
This is a really beautiful doll. I love the highlights and the attention to detail. Your selection of a completely inappropriate set of "armor" for a battle works well for this Sue, who clearly suffers from "The Littlest Bra Stops ALLLLL Weapons" syndrome. What better thing for a Sue to wear than her undergarments into battle?

Drabble Critique.
Your story was marvelous, which is where my problem lies with it. For most of the first half of this chapter, I felt like I wasn't reading about a Sue, I was reading about a regular character who had some really strange interests and abilities. The Sue peeked through at moments, such as the letter, the silly armor, and the "romantic" moment with the djinn, but it wasn't as strong as it could've been. You got back on track in the end and the Sue definately reared her ugly head with her newly discovered sword skills, managing to kill the queen so easily and getting back her lover, because no ending is an unhappy one in Suedom.

Doll Critique.
I love this doll so much; from her wonderfully shinetastic hair to her hilariously ridiculous scanty armour! XD I adore the shading, and all the little details that completely finish off this doll so perfectly.

Drabble Critique.
Well written and no, it wasn't too long! It could have done with a bit more Sueishness to the character; perhaps some ridiculous description of her clothes and hair at a serious moment, or her slapping down someone offering advice; it definitely leaned too much towards original fiction. Tho, that's not necessarily a bad thing. Anyway, the ending was pure Sue and of course, the Sue would get her man!



Last edited by Miranda_ : 12-13-2010 at 03:32 PM.
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Default 12-07-2010, 04:06 PM

Finally managed to type up my story! Sorry for the delay, I've been studying for an important test. I did this in a rush, so please excuse and grammatical and spelling errors, lol.

Plus, my story exceeds character limit, so I'm just going to do 2 posts. Hope that's okay?


Name: Radiance Twinkle Bella Glorious Dream
Fandom: Fairies Of Pixie Hollow, Peter Pan, and now, The Little Mermaid II:
Credits: Everything except the rock was created by me. Rock was found via Google and edited to doll-pixel form.

Previously, in the life of Radiance Twinkle Bella Glorious Dream:
During an errand to promote her mother's campagne of "Fairies Are Real", Radiance Twinkle Bella Glorious Dream happend across Peter Pan and fell instantly in love. Upon trying to gather courage to profess her love, she'd noticed that Tinkerbell had bewitched Peter with Evil Pixie Dust. As was the law, Radiance Twinkle Bella Glorious Dream sent Tink into exile. After Peter was released from her evil spell, he was disoriented and confused, but knew that the love of the most beautiful creature would surely cure him. He held a contest across the universe, which originally had several intended contestants, but had diminished to only 3 once they all glimpsed the beauty and awe of Radiance Twinkle Bella Glorious Dream. Only those left were herself, Wendy, and a stubbornly plain mermaid. The contest for Peter's heart was shoved aside, however, when he glimpsed Radiance Twinkle Bella Glorious Dream's eyes for the first time. They fell instantly in love and upon being married, Peter turned into a man-fairy.

Drabble:

It was a bright, cheerful day. All throughout Pixie Hollow laughter and joy could be heard from Radiance Twinkle Bella Glorious Dream's loyal subjects. For today was the day that Radiance Twinkle Bella Glorious Dream finally took the throne. Her mother, Clarion, gladly stepped down from the throne a week after Radiance Twinkle Bella Glorious Dream's fairytale wedding to Peter Pan. Clarion knew that, now more than ever, her daughter could rule all of Pixie Hollow a lot better than she was ever able to. Radiance Twinkle Bella Glorious Dream has always been the most powerful fairy of all her land, but her already stunning beauty and powers were enhanced ten-fold the day her true love was made hers.

During the royal couple's week-long honeymoon, Clarion announced what everyone had known for eons, that it was time for her daughter to take her place, for all of Pixie Hollow to make known to the universe that, with Radiance Twinkle Bella Glorious Dream as their leader, they were most powerful of all. And with the announcement for change of power, all of Pixie Hollow, Never Never Land, Earth, and more, rejoiced.

All that is, except for the land under the seas. The land of the notoriously jealous and weak beings of the Mermaid race.

Once word of the coming change of power and order had reached the Mermaids they rushed to their leader, Melody, who incidently just lost to Radiance Twinkle Bella Glorious Dream in the contest of the universe for Peter Pan's heart. Melody was furious, naturally, as it was her nature to be jealous as-is, and she was determined to put an end to it all, to put an end to that magically beatiful, loved, and respected Radiance Twinkle Bella Glorious Dream.

Melody and her merpeople set to work straight away. Organizing their normally aloof colonies to prepare a strategy to take down the one they all hated most. The one they knew was about to become the official leader of power and beauty of all the universe, Radiance Twinkle Bella Glorious Dream.

And so it was, that the night, a mere few hours before Radiance Twinkle Bella Glorious Dream's crowning, screams were heard. Sobbing, terror, but above all remorse over Radiance Twinkle Bella Glorious Dream's aching heart.

The Mermaids, in their jealous revengful rage knew that they had no chance against the most powerful of all beings. So they devised a plot to take away Radiance Twinkle Bella Glorious Dream's newfound power and beauty. To take her heart, her happiness, her dreams, and her desire. The Mermaids kidnapped Peter Pan, and took him far below where any Fairy's magic could reach. They took him to their layer, in the darkest, deepest area of the sea.

What was once a bright and cheerful day was no more. The moment her heart shattered the skies turned dark, the clouds threatened fury, and the storm swallowed all of Pixie Hollow.

Radiance Twinkle Bella Glorious Dream was at a loss for what to do. How could she go on to rule the Universe, when she couldn't even raise her head to look at her own people? She was ripped apart, empty, and cold. After a week, that seemed an eternity of happiness, of experiencing the newfound power she had through true love, Radiance Twinkle Bella Glorious Dream felt weak, she felt powerless, but above all she felt empty aside from the ache in her heart, that seemed to twinge with more anger than ever known to man, fairy, or the like. Radiance Twinkle Bella Glorious Dream took flight, and flew to the furthest territories of her lands.

Then the rain began, so angry was the rain, too, that she could go no further. While a Fairie's magic and wings could work in light rain, this rain was relentless. It was as though the sea itself were falling all around her. Radiance Twinkle Bella Glorious Dream took refuge in old and dark cave. Radiance Twinkle Bella Glorious Dream thought the cave seemed familiar, almost forbidden, but in her remorse she could not quite put her finger on why it seemed so.

As Radiance Twinkle Bella Glorious Dream sat and cried alone, warm and dry, as her hair and body was always somehow perfect, despite the elements, a light suddenly flickered faintly from the depths of the cavern. Distracted, Radiance Twinkle Bella Glorious Dream stood in confusion and felt an unmistakable urge to go forth, to see the source of the faint light in a cave that was, at first, seemingly abandoned.

Cautiously and quietly as she could, Radiance Twinkle Bella Glorious Dream tip toed down the cave, and what she came across she had not expected in all her wildest dreams. It was a fairy. Weak and disgustingly covered, wing to toe in grime, she seemed to be dying. Radiance Twinkle Bella Glorious Dream felt sorry for the poor creature, and wished there was some way she could multiply her immunity to the only thing that killed fairies (When someone say's "I don't believe in fairies".). But Radiance Twinkle Bella Glorious Dream knew she could not. At least not without the power of the forbidden Evil Pixie Dust.


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Last edited by LancasterPrincess : 12-07-2010 at 04:10 PM.
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Default 12-07-2010, 04:08 PM

And then it dawned on Radiance Twinkle Bella Glorious Dream why this cave seemed familiar and forbidden, because it was. This must have been an entrance to what was once the cove of Hook's Skull Dungeon, which, unbeknowest to Hook, incidently housed both the Evil Pixie Dust and it's protector, the evil crocadile of Hook's own nightmares. Radiance Twinkle Bella Glorious Dream's pity for the poor creature in front of her suddenly turned to fury. This creature was looking for the power of the Evil Pixie Dust, to use it to fufill her own selfish needs and desires. No doubt she was so disgustingly filthy and weak because she'd been looking for it for quite some time.


And so, Radiance Twinkle Bella Glorious Dream pushed aside her own personal heartache to fufill the duty that was now to be her's alone. She was to punish and exile this pety creature. But as she marched forth the creature looked up and froze, as did Radiance Twinkle Bella Glorious Dream. It was Tink! The creature already exiled not more than a mere week ago! Before Radiance Twinkle Bella Glorious Dream could unleash her fury, Tink spoke. Quiet and timid at first, but more strong as she continued:

"I have what you need. I have what will make everything better, what will make your people overjoyed once more, but most importantly, I have what you need to get your Peter back."

"I don't want anything from a criminal like you!" spat Radiance Twinkle Bella Glorious Dream.

"No, no! I am remorsed, I am disgusted at what was once myself before that evil soaked through! I want to make things right, I want to be useful and true to my High Queen! What's more is that I want her Queenship to know, to KNOW, that what is Dark Magic to all else, it is not so for her Queenship!"

"What are you talking about?" asked Radiance Twinkle Bella Glorious Dream.

And with a weak smile of hope, Tink told Radiance Twinkle Bella Glorious Dream that she'd been on a quest to restore her honor and dependability to her Highness. That she'd overheard the plot of the Merpeople and knew that no one would ever believe an exile, such as herself. So she'd gone to see what she could do to help Radiance Twinkle Bella Glorious Dream when her Highness needed her help most. She came back to the caverns of Skull Dungeon and tricked the evil Crocadile into defeat to get to the Evil Pixie Dust, not for herself, but for her Queenship. Tink explained how the Evil Pixie Dust looked different, that it was no longer a firery sparkle, but golden, just as brilliantly golden as her Highness!

"And that's when I knew, Magesty!" Tink proclaimed "That the Evil in this Pixie Dust would not infect someone as pure, beautiful, and powerful as her Highness!"

Radiance Twinkle Bella Glorious Dream was stunned. She'd never before heard of Evil Pixie Dust changing form, for anyone, in all her thousands of years of living. Every being who ever sought the Dust had evil in their heart's desire. But Radiance Twinkle Bella Glorious Dream had always known, just as her people had, that she did not have the capacity to host evil intent, in whatever form, however small, she just could not. That Radiance Twinkle Bella Glorious Dream was honorable and pure. If what Tink was saying was true, if the Dust had changed form in Tink's desire to give it to her, then surely that was to mean something?

Seeing that Radiance Twinkle Bella Glorious Dream was starting to realize what this meant, Tink hurridly got up and spun on her heel deeper into the cavern to retrieve the Dust that she'd been protecting until this day came. After a minute she returned to see Radiance Twinkle Bella Glorious Dream sitting gloriously on a rock. How beautiful and bright this cave has become since her High Queenship walked into it, Tink thought. And she crawled forth, the Dust raised in her hands above her bowed head, stopping just short of her Queen's feet.

"May I present to her Honorable Highness, Radiance Twinkle Bella Glorious Dream, the defender of Justice, and the defeater of all Evil, the revered Pixie Dust of Pixie Hollow!"

Radiance Twinkle Bella Glorious Dream was speechless, it was true! The Dust had changed form! It was no longer an image of Darkness and Evil, but of Light and Honor, the color she'd been born into, a bright and brilliant gold! She reached her hand out, unsure of what to do, if she was to do it at all, when all of a sudden the Dust exploaded. The beauty and glory surrounded them both, swirling in majestic magic. Radiance Twinkle Bella Glorious Dream was entranced by it's beauty and wonder, and inhaled deeply. The power and magic filled her up, soaked through her soft skin, and neslted into her perfect hair.
What power! What knowledge! And it was then that Radiance Twinkle Bella Glorious Dream knew exactly what she had to do, to save her Peter, to save her Kingdom and her people. Radiance Twinkle Bella Glorious Dream thanked Tink and asked her to await her return, for she will surely be honored for her good deed.

Radiance Twinkle Bella Glorious Dream raced through the rain toward the sea. Behind her she left a brilliant rainbow that overthrew the furious storm. As she passed over her Kingdom the fairies rejoiced and cheered on their majestic Queen. Radiance Twinkle Bella Glorious Dream knew that nothing, not even the sea could stop her now.
As she landed lightly on the shore, Radiance Twinkle Bella Glorious Dream closed her sparkling dewy eyes and spoke.

"I am High Queen, immortal Fairy of all elements. Water, you hinder me no more. Spirit, take form, unleash the life of water that lies within."

And with her magic Radiance Twinkle Bella Glorious Dream changed form. She was no longer just a creature of the earth and sky, but a creature of all territories. She'd transformed into a glorious mermaid and slipped into the sea.

On her way to the deepest layer of the merpeople, Radiance Twinkle Bella Glorious Dream passed several stunned creatures. All of which, after seeing their High Queen triumphantly in their own form, in their own world, bowed and honored Radiance Twinkle Bella Glorious Dream. All that is, except for Melody. She was floating beside an oxygen-masked Peter, a look of fury plain on her face, and evil in her soul. She wrenched Peter's body towards her and held her triton to his neck, and smiled as her triton began to glow.
Radiance Twinkle Bella Glorious Dream was not frightned, only relieved that the pitiful mermaid had not yet killed Peter, merely just taken him hostage. She raised her hand towards Melody and spoke.

"You will never again harm others with your evil ways, you or your people. There is a new Light and Law, and you will gladly bow before it, like everyone else, if you so wish to live."

And with that, Radiance Twinkle Bella Glorious Dream's immensely powerful magic penetrated the boundries of water for the first time in history, and surrounded the sea and all it's creatures. Now they all were enlightend to the power, purity, and honor of their new High Queen. Melody's triton fell in defeat, and she bowed to Radiance Twinkle Bella Glorious Dream.

Her enemies defeated, her heart restored, Radiance Twinkle Bella Glorious Dream gently took Peter to the surface and removed the oxygen mask from his face. As her sparkling tail began to fade, and her majestic wings began to appear, she kissed Peter, and the Kingdom of Pixie Hollow rejoiced once more.

Once Peter was restored to health, and in good hands, Radiance Twinkle Bella Glorious Dream returned to the caverns of Skull Dungeon. She gracefully walked towards a bowed Tinkerbell and placed her hand on her head. As it began to glow, Radiance Twinkle Bella Glorious Dream pronounced Tink's welcome back into her Kingdom, and her place of honor in her board of directors. So speechless was Tink, that all she could do was cry in thankfulness.

And so they all lived on. The creatures of every land, sea, and sky gladly united together under Radiance Twinkle Bella Glorious Dream. With her immeasurable power all was well and right in the universe. And from then on, there was no Evil to be found. Not in the dust, nor in the heart, mind, and soul. From there forth, not a soul could deny the Fairies, and everyone lived on forever in happiness.


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Default 12-08-2010, 06:34 AM



Please excuse any typo's grammar or stray pixels I too have been super busy, Lucky to get it in really.

Name: Xylia Maurelle Luella Fluer Lanthine Emerenta
Fandom: The Lord of the Rings (Tolkein)
Age:18

Xylia Maurelle Luella Fluer Lanthine Emerenta was very proud of the party she had created although they looked quite ordinary they were indeed quite extraordinary, it consisted of: A Dwarven berserker, Human warrior, Human wizard, Human ranger and 2 Elf archers myself & Legolas.
It was getting dark as the party sat drinking ale at the “Empty Tankard” Inn (Xylia decided not to partake of the amber liquid this time round, this Inn has too many bad memories she thought) Instead she went to the bathroom to admire herself in the mirror wearing her armour, I look astonishingly beautiful wearing this amazing armour, It’s quite slimmimg too she thought, the craftsmanship is exquisite mentally thanking all of her forest friends for making it for her.
The Enchanted +15 Magic leather armour was made by the old witch in the forest, an enchantment of Stone skin was cast upon it, nothing can pierce it, The Golden cloak was fashioned with gold dust and made by the silk worms who gathered golden dust for many moons to craft it, The bow was given to her by Zagruk the father of their love child, he had obtained the bow after defeating a giant orc 7 moons ago, The bow glows when orcs are near and finally the +3 arrows where given to her by her beloved Legolas.

The party partied through the night:
Gimli son of Gloin known for his love for the golden liquid sat drinking & telling stories of his kin & far off homeland, When I was a young lad......hicccup……I……hicccup……..boredom set in for many as they moved to other locations around the Inn, Gimli in a drunken stupor started abusing his fellow patrons as he slumped to the floor under the table and finally succumbed to slumber
Boromir son of Denethor II sitting casually on a bar stool seemingly unaware that anyone was watching him continued to sweet talk the local barmaid as she sat on his knee giggling flirtaciously with the ever so handsome Warrior, The two excused themselves saying that they needed to tend to the horses in the stables, Hmmm likely story Xyllia thought to herself.
Gandalf the Grey The ever so powerful wizard sat in a comfy armchair beside the fire smoking his pipe, Gandalf started showing off producing great shapes in many colours with the smoke from his pipe he had the small children entertained as they gathered around to hear his amazing stories, full of intrigue they sat wide eyed listening in wonder.
Aragorn the party ranger sat in the corner of the Inn alone, he sat and polished his blade while he pondered the coming battle, he chose not to drink this night, he wanted to keep his wits about him at all times, scouring the inn suspiciously with his eyes he made sure his party was safe.
Legolas well what can I say, The incredibly handsome and perfectly skilled archer had all of my attention, I sat plaiting his long hair into braids, nobody knew of our secret liasons but plaiting hair was a ritual that many took so nothing looked suspicious, or so we thought until we spotted Aragorn seated in the corner smiling surreptitiously at us, He is to be trusted she reassured Legolas.
The next morning:
I smell orc” said Gimli snorted “and it stinks”, The party was assembled atop a mountain looking down the valley of Rohan.
Poor Poor Gimli in his hungover state, Boromir with straw in his hair, Aragorn with his sharp shiny blade, Gandalf coughing & spluttering whilst smoking his pipe and of course the ever so perfect Legolas looking immaculately groomed as usual and of course myself I am sure that I was in absolute awe of everyone there. Everyone was armed and ready for battle until they actually looked over the crest of the mountain and saw the multitude of stinking orcs sitting waiting for what looked like lunch, Loads of body parts were cooked on spits over open fires, the stench of rotting flesh was unbearable.
This is the perfect time for an ambush, Orcs do not fight well when they are hungry, Lets go!
Kicking the horses into motion the party sped down the hill to ambush the unsuspecting hungry orcs, Arrows were fired, Fire balls were cast many were struck down from a distance with missile weapons. Legolas & I let go a stream of arrows which put several orcs out of their misery, Gimli surging forward started hacking away at orcs, many a limb went flying through the air, one such limb landing on Gandalf as he simply but effectively threw it away whilst cursing the unfortunate dead orc who’s putrid blood now stained Gandalf the white’s pure & pristine robes.
Orcs were going down everywhere, The beautiful Valley of Rohan was quickly becoming a blood bath, Aragorn spotted one of the orc leaders, as quick as a flash & ever so efficiently took his head right off clean at the shoulders, he scowled as he looked down at the dismembered head who’s eyes seemed to be looking back at him with intense disdain, Enjoy hell you scum of the earth!
With the battle almost in it’s dying stages and the Orcish leader still yet to be destroyed Xylia Maurelle Luella Fluer Lanthine Emerenta decided to show everyone was she was made of so wearing her + 15 Magical leather armour that was to die for and the gold cloak that shined like 100 suns she took off down the hill with her red mane of hair flowing behind her she sped past the few remaining orcs & blinded them with her golden cloak, The orc leader saw her coming and sliced at her with his crude blade, His target Xylia yelled a War cry that would make your toes curl as she fired an arrow straight through the orc’s temple killing him instantly, seeing the arrow protruding from the other side of his head Xylia felt victorious and then fell to the ground, she lay there motionless.
Legolas seeing this from a great distance saw Xyli lying on the grass in what seemed to be a large pool of red blood around her body, speeding down the hill to rescue his loved one he stopped short of her and let out a gasp, Xylia lay there crying unable to move as she surveyed the damage of what the great orc had done to her, Legolas...sob...he sliced straight through my hair....sob.... and cut it all off it is strewn all about me sob...sob, Legolas kneeled down beside her and wrapped her in his arms, Xylia to me you are still the most beautiful elf in all of Lothlorien, No-one compares to your beauty, your hair means nothing to me my love…..at that moment Xylia Maurelle Luella Fluer Lanthine Emerenta sat up and brushed herself off, she could not believe what her pointed ears were hearing, You Legolas may not care about my hair but to me it is my crowning glory, my strength, my beauty and my all….It is everything! I will not have this talk and with that she walked away to congratulate her fellow party members on one amazing victory.
THE END
Base:PINK LAND



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Default 12-13-2010, 03:35 PM

Lovie's and Ness's critique and scores is here, cuz of that darn character limit! XD

Lovie:

Doll: 8/10 Drabble: 10/10

Doll Critique.
My first thought when looking at this doll was "mermaid? Where did that come from?", so thank god I read your story first to find out. I like how you have kept up with the whole theme of pure gold in this doll and the story. The background, her hair, and the fin are beautifully done, however her butt is looking a little square and strangely bulgy at that. Sneaky with the butterfly top detail, I almost didn't catch it, and using her body for the antennas, so amusing! Also, as a generally helpful tip, think of mermaids as not having knees. Instead, draw their fins smoothly without the knee bend because it would be awful to have a joint there for mermaids--imagine the swimming issues!

Drabble Critique.
One word: overdone. Just like a Sue deserves. I couldn't help but laugh all through it. The perfection of Radiance even in the most absurd of circumstances, the rainbow breaking apart that storm behind her, everything bowing to her, it was just too much. The real kicker was her mother giving up the throne for her because her daughter was more powerful, what an interesting notion that she held the throne just for the day her perfect daughter became more perfect through love!

Doll Critique.
At first, I wondered what the heck was with the mermaid; then I read the drabble. XD This doll is very nicely shaded, and her hair just looks so soft. And of course, no Sue would be complete without the vapid beauty queen smile!

Drabble Critique.
This was truly vomit enducing; a perfect Mary Sue drabble. Overdone, so much self praise and purple prose, and of course, everyone loves her even her worst enemy... who she of course forgives, cuz she's just that wonderful. XD

Ness:

Doll: 6/10 Drabble: 6/10

Doll Critique.
Your doll is very nicely detailed. The belt, the stocking swirls, remembering the often forgotten quiver, its clear you were very thorough in planning the look of this doll. You still need to work on palettes and shading skirts because there is way too much usage of your dark colours. Most of your skirt should be medium shades. Also, the shaping of the top needs work. You probably would've been better off keeping with a simple curved neckline since the base stance isn't too great for doing more intricate necklines. Overall, you have been improving a lot with your skills!

Drabble Critique.
Way to hit a big Sue characteristic by including the completely out there histories of how she obtained her outfit, as well as their special properties. Way to steal canon too for her quiver! You had me laughing at Gandalf tossing that limb that hit him so nonchalantly, as if this was a normal occurence in the life of Gandalf. I was concerned about the lack of focus strictly upon the Sue. You gave a lot of time to the other characters and the story would've benefitted from more connections to herself in the middle. The "death" at the end really won me over--only a Sue would be upset about a man not caring about her hair and then basically forget it all in an instant. As a side note, I found the formatting and style a bit difficult to follow. The story would've benefitted from a good editing to check the flow.

Doll Critique.
I love this doll very much; so much attention to every last little detail, and the hair is fantastic. Especially since this is obviously a very difficult base to work with. My only criticism is that the shading looks a little weird; maybe use a different pallette next time? But anyway, this is a Suedoll in the very frightening flesh.

Drabble Critique.
I know there was a rush to get this in before the deadline; and so there wasn't the editing and proofreading this drabble needed. However, despite that, this is a very ridiculous Sue story; the ending is pure Sue. There needs to be a bit less focus on the other characters; after all, who is more important than the Sue in a story? XD



Last edited by Miranda_ : 12-13-2010 at 03:40 PM.
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Default 12-13-2010, 03:40 PM

Scores and critique for the final round now up; for this round only, critique is done by me and guest judge Silver Wolf Kitty.


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