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Default Miss TDP Mary Sue Round 3 {Dollmaker} - 11-03-2010, 01:03 PM

The entrants for the next round of the competition are as follows:

Kiwi_Kat
Always_And_Forever_MeGeek
Antimaie
Aussiemum777
Belladoggy

New entrants are allowed, but remember that by not entering the first and second rounds, you've missed out on forty potential points.

Example:



Name: Rowanna Mystick Angel Demetor.
Age: Fourteen; she's in fifth year tho cuz she was moved up a year due to being so clever.
Fandom: Harry Potter.
Drabble: Rowanna Mystick Angel Demetor had known that there was something wrong about Harry's vision the moment she was told. Of course, cuz she was now dating Harry Potter, having dumped Blaise for him the previous week, Harry confided in her before he told anyone else that he had seen Sirius being tortured at the hands of Lord Voldemort. Of course, Rowanna Mystick Angel Demetor had no problems at all in saying the name out loud, something that Harry admired her for. Rowanna Mystick Angel Demetor was sure that there was something wrong about what Harry had seen, and told him so herself. She said that there wasn't anything to be gained in jumping to conclusions and took charge of things herself. First she sent her own owl Midnight, who was coloured black with a slight purple tinge and a white front, off to Sirius with a letter. She wasn't at all worried about Midnight being attacked by Umbridge; Midnight was cleverer than any other owl and would easily escape.

Once they received Sirius's reply that same day, since Midnight flew so quickly, it was only an hour or so before he returned. Sirus promised Harry and Rowanna Mystick Angel Demetor that he was perfectly alright and that he'd stay in his house until they gave him word. He was, like everyone else, completely dazzled by Rowanna Mystick Angel Demetor's beauty and kindness, and only wanted to do as she said. Rowanna Mystick Angel Demetor then turned to Harry and said that they would go to the Ministry and fight. Harry agreed with her and said that he would go with her. The pair of them flew a Thestral to the Ministry; Rowanna Mystick Angel Demetor could see Thestrals, despite not having seen death, due to her angel powers. Once at the Ministry, they were immediately attacked by Death Eaters. Rowanna Mystick Angel Demetor courageously defended Harry, who didn't really do much of anything, against the attackers. When Voldemort came, well, he didn't stand a chance. Rowanna Mystick Angel Demetor dueled with Voldemort, using her special angel powers to the fullest, and he was soon defeated. He fled the Ministry out of fear of Rowanna Mystick Angel Demetor's anger. Harry was overjoyed and very proud of his girlfriend. However, Rowanna Mystick Angel Demetor was thinking of Sirius Black, and wondering whether she should go and see him personally...

General Competition Rules.

1. Character. When entering, you need to enter with one character and stay with it the entire time. This means that your doll’s hair and skin colour must remain the same throughout, unless otherwise stated in the round theme.
2. Base. You must use the same base set throughout, so pick one with a variety of poses. This base should also be medium in size for handdrawn dollers (comparable in size to the "Moe" bases here: DHF : Doll on the Hill Factory). Dollmaker users should use the shuni style base.
3. Theft. No stealing the work of another. This applies to both handdrawn and dollmaker participants, so do not submit a doll that someone else made or, for handdrawn dollers, mix and match pieces of completed dolls that are not your own. All work should be original and failure to comply will result in disqualification.
4. Props. Props and backgrounds are encouraged, but should not be massive. We will ask too large of entries to reduce their size, so be reasonable.
5. Transparency. We ask that all dolls have transparent background and is a GIF file. If you don’t know how to do this, see the following thread: How to Make Backgrounds Transparent
6. Forbidden. Sexually explicit, nudity or overly bloody dolls are forbidden. Entering one could result in disqualification. Also, animation and glitter is not allowed as it creates an unequal field for those who can't animate.
7. Theme. Every doll should relate to the theme. While we encourage creativity, failure to keep with the theme can get you eliminated automatically that round.
8. Judges. No one is allowed to use friendship or promises to sway a judge’s decision. Threats, bribery, and attempts to interfere or discover the judge’s decisions in anyway will result in disqualification. Arguing with the judges can result in an automatic elimination.
9. Competing. You can only submit one entry for each competition, so choose wisely.
10. Entries. You may enter both competitions if you wish. Make sure, however, that you do not enter the same profile for both competitions; it must be different.

Each entry must consist of a doll and a drabble. The drabble must be at least 100 words, tho a longer and more colourful entry will gain in points over one that is just the bare minimum.

Round 3: The Mary Sue's Trials And Battles.

This round is to show your Mary Sue in battle, perhaps fighting for her loved ones, or fighting in a war, or even battling the top villain of the series. Go mad with pointless description, shouldering aside the canon hero in order to gain glory for your Sue and of course, purple prose. Any questions, feel free to PM me.

Please submit all Dollmaker entries here. Judges are as before, myself and Silent_Wolf, and the end date is December 2nd. An extension can be granted if need be, but try to get your entries in as soon as is possible. Good luck everyone!


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Default 11-06-2010, 03:25 PM



Name: Master Trainer Eliza Theresa Constance Orchid Ketchum
Age: 8
Fandom: Pokemon
Drabble: Master Trainer Eliza Theresa Constance Orchid Ketchum had just picked up her Magikarp from the daycare center. Normally the owner would have thought someone stupid for putting so much attention into a Magikarp, but this was Eliza! Her Magikarp was level 100 and only at the daycare center because her 9 PCs were full.
"Magikarp: this is your day to shine. Ash is in town and I want to show him how much I have improved! I want you to battle today. Just you."
Eliza Theresa had agreed to meet her brother that day in Solence town for an epic showdown. Ash was expecting her to come with her Mew and he knew that he was destined to loose. But he didn't care because he loved to see his sister happy.

It was a beautiful and sunshiny day. The Starlies and Fearrows were singing and it was warm and peaceful. Eliza was in her outfit for the Sinnoh region: a pink skirt weaved from the silk of a Silkoon and dyed with the colors of a Meganium's petal, and black vest that showed of her figure as if it was edited in a computer, and boots as soft as the fur on an Etei.
Ash and Eliza were prepared for battle. Eliza had allowed Ash to put forth his best pokemon all at once even thought the rule limit is two.
"Charzard! Bayleaf! Cyndaquil! Pikachu! I choose you!" Then all four of them appeared from their poke balls.
"I choose..." Eliza started. "Here it comes " Thought Ash. "Magikarp!"
Ash was dumb struck. "Magikarp? That is the weakest pokemon on the planet! I might have a chance here!"

They battled for 27 seconds. And Eliza Theresa Constance Orchid Beat all of Ash's best pokemon with her Magikarp. Unlike what Ash thought would happen, Magikarp was able to beat all of them with one Splash even though the attack normally causes no damage whatsoever, but Eliza's Magikarp was a Magical one spawned from a regular Magikarp and Jirachi. Ash didn't mind though. He was just glad to see his family on his long journey to becoming as good a trainer as his little sister.

"I'm really sorry Ash. I didn't hurt them to badly did I?"
"Nah they'll be alright."
They both went to the Poke Center to heal Ash's pokemon. "Are you sure there's nothing I can do? I feel really bad."
"Lizzy, I'm fine."
Eliza thought long and hard about how she could make it up to her big brother. "I got it! I know where to find Deoxis. I'll tell you if you promise not to be mad at me anymore."
"Lizzy, I was never mad at you. I was actually proud of you for becoming so much better than the last time I saw you. And with a Magikarp! But how could I refuse an offer like that? Sure!"

Ash went on to search for Deoxis with his new traveling team, and promised to come back and battle Eliza once he caught it. But Eliza new that wouldn't be for a while. Ashe wasn't skilled enough to catch it, and had too much pride to return without it.
"Oh well. Maybe in a few years I'll go up to space and help him. Huh Magikarp? You want to know if you can help?" *blub blub* "Of course you can!"
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Dollmaker: PURRRFECTION and TDP Preps
Bakground: Google
Pokemon
Reference picture
(Lot's of editing happened here. Let's just say that where the new pokemon are now, was a GIF picture of a pokemon that isn't there anymore...)

Doll: 10/10 Drabble: 6/10

Doll Critique.
I'm really impressed with this doll. You included a lot of small details that people unfamiliar with the fandom may not get, but is definitely important to the character's Sue-ness, such as the fact that she has full HP, has already defeated the majority of Ash's pokemon, and is fighting with a Magikarp of all things Your work is clean and finished, excellent work!

Drabble Critique.
Way to hit off the Sue characteristics quickly. A level 100 magikarp, capturing a ton of pokemon, and outshining the main character, who is a brother! Impressive. Beautiful touch taking Magikarp's splash and making it super awesome. I would've liked to see more battle details since this was a story about the battle itself. The story felt way too brief and you had too many excellent elements to have let it fall like that.

Doll Critique.
I absolutely adore this doll! It looks just like a scene taken right from the game, just like all the other dolls. I'm impressed; you've got a real talent for doing this. ^^ I lol at the idea of a Magikarp whupping all those high level Pokemon; very Sue! Well done!

Drabble Critique.
Very enjoyable and tied in neatly with the doll. However, I would have preferred a longer drabble by far with a bit more wealth of detail. I do like the pointless description of the Sue's clothing tho. XD


NO SLEEP IN HEAVEN OR BETHLEHEM
"I feel you breathing... Everywhere...The rain, the hay... please. Please Wendela."

Last edited by Miranda_ : 12-13-2010 at 04:14 PM.
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Default 11-14-2010, 12:08 AM


Image from google
everthing else is from my online maker

Name: Sikuma Rei Ayame Hina Shou Midori
Age: Immature 13
Fandom: Angel Sanctuary
Drabble:
Sikuma Rei Ayame Hina Shou Midori stood impatiently whilst getting fitted for her armour, Her attitude was particularly aggressive today knowing full well that the quest to battle her long time arch enemy "BOYZ" was about to begin, “I told you I wanted it pink”, I wish you lower angels would listen for once, I have earned my third wing and it wasn’t easy let me tell you!"
The (lower) angels were fashioning the armour to Sikuma’s wishes but it wasn’t easy and it wasn't going well.

Kenichi, "I want a full set of Adamantium armour which can be sourced from Morrowind in the The Elder scrolls, Kill Apelles Matius from the Dark brotherhood in the temple sewers he will have it, Hurry, Adamantium is highly enchantable, and I need it".
Kenichi scurried off wandering what was in store for her if she failed in her quest.

Takashi, "Go now into the World of Warcraft and get me the Enchant cloak formula named Mighty armour, Enchanting my cloak with this will give me +225 additional armour, You can purchase this from Vanessa Seller from the store called Simply Enchanting in Dalaran, You will need 4 level 80 dream shards and level 430 enchant, so go now…. you may be a while earning those levels".
Takashi knew that this would take a long while to complete.

Kamisama, "My shied is to be made from dragon scale", "Enter Dragon Age & Use Kolgrim’s horn to summon the High dragon in her lair on the mountain top overlooking the village of Haven, You will need to defeat her from a distance with missile weapons, Beware this female dragon who is over 1000 years old she will pick you up and throw you like stones, after defeating her she will drop some amazing treasure including dragon scale, Take this dragon scale to wade at "Wades Emporium" in Denerim, he will make it for you, Beware, This battle may take several tries, I know from experience, Be quick and Do not disappoint me".
Kamisama wondered whether she will ever return from this quest.

Yuki, "Go fetch my Seven Blades Sword from my chambers it is behind the secret wall, behind my dresser, I have forgotten the secret password so you will have to figure it out for yourself” I think it has something to do with the seventh blade of the seventh sun in the seventh year”, Sikuma mumbles, I am sure you will decipher it, Don’t come back empty handed".
Yuki eventually returned with the sword and a bewildered look in her eyes.
Sikuma Rei Ayame Hina Shou Midori rolled her eyes, She did not think that she was being unreasonable in her demands at all.

After many weeks of waiting, The ever so bored Sikuma Rei Ayame Hina Shou Midori tucks away her 3 wings and puts on her newly acquired, super shiny, uniquely crafted, awesomely magical suit of armour that absolutely no-one else has in this world, she decides to parade it up & down the main street of Heaven, Hoping to get some cheers, after all she can’t help but to show it off, all of her teen friends from school thought that she was an exhibitionist but of course Sikuma knew she looked astonishingley super gorgeous in it, and it also made her look skinny, They’re just jelous bit.ches.

Sikuma Rei Ayame Hina Shou Midori's arch enemy Boys was heard to be residing in the lower corner of Hell, Knowing full well that Boyz didn't have his sidekicks around so she thought that she would have a good advantage to beat him, especially now that she wore her awesomely magical unbeatable unbelievably shiny armour, there was no possible way that he could win.

Sitting in his corner in the left corner of Hell, Boyz saw Sikuma Rei Ayame Hina Shou Midori coming and decided to try trickery, In the softest, gentlest, most hypnotic voice that he could muster, he spoke” I am your mother Sikuma, they have imprisoned me within this body for eternity, if you want to help me then please do not damage this body for if you do I will surely die, Please Sikuma I love you, You are the only one who cares for me now”
Sikuma, feeling very strangely under the influence of some strange force indeed began to succumb to this hypnotic voice that spoke to her, she started to drift off in her mind, she felt herself slowly but surely being taken away somewhere else, she was almost at the point of no return when she remembered something vital, Her mother was already dead, Knowing full well that this trickster had tried to decieve her she turned to face her enemy, looking straight into his dark, cruel, empty eyes she took her newly sharpened, super shiny sword and with one foul swoop she severed his archilles, unable to walk & falling down onto a nearby cloud he sat and turned his face towards her, Sikuma Rei Ayame Hina Shou Midori gleefully smiled and looked at him and said, “You will bow down to me Boyz and kiss my a.ss”, No longer will you be a threat to me or my friends, with that Boyz did indeed bow down and kiss her a.ss.
The End.

Doll: 7/10 Drabble: 8/10

Doll Critique.
I really like the doll itself. The pink armor and that cape was just too much! However, I feel like the background choice wasn't the best. I found the other angel in particular distracting. You may have been better off choosing the tower from the end as a background. Then it would've kept the gloomier aspects, but without the distraction that takes away from your work.

Drabble Critique.
This is the most Sue-ish story I have ever read. The fandom overlap and the absolutely insane trials you assigned to the angels were hillarious. In a sense, you took the assignment and twisted it in a unique way that no one else thought of. The ending was too brief though after all of the build up. Sikuma feels more vengeful than that, especially when she was so cruel to the people around her.

Doll Critique.
Pink armour, what a total scream. XD I can totally imagine a Mary Sue all dolled up in hot pink armour in order to fight her pointless battle; your doll totally hit the mark in that. Plus the stiletto heeled boots, which would be completely uncomfortable as well as being hampering to the Sue in a fight.

Drabble Critique.
I just about threw up a little in my mouth reading this drabble; what a sickening Mary Sue you have created! Those trials were just hysterical; and all the pointless details and purple prose just clinched it. I agree with guest judge tho; the ending seemed a bit abrupt and a bit more could have been added to it to make it totally Sueish.




Last edited by Miranda_ : 12-13-2010 at 04:57 PM.
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Default 11-24-2010, 10:28 PM



Name:
Elizabeth Grace Bethany Juno Fauna
Age: 12
Fandom: Labyrinth
Drabble: “High princess
Elizabeth Grace Bethany Juno Fauna! Your father has been captured and taken above ground by Sarah Williams!” A small goblin squeaked, waking the princess from her daydream. Elizabeth Grace Bethany Juno Fauna’s shining and sparkling mismatched eyes became slightly darker. Elizabeth Grace Bethany Juno Fauna stood up and her flowing gown revealed no wrinkles, even though shed been reclining.

“Euthia! Fetch me my sword and battle gear.” Elizabeth Grace Bethany Juno Fauna’s crystal clear, soft melodious voice rang out. The goblin nodded, in awe of the high princess, and scurried away. Elizabeth Grace Bethany Juno Fauna paced over to her dresser and put on a red necklace. The goblin ran up to Elizabeth Grace Bethany Juno Fauna and bowed, handing her a bejeweled sword and a pile of clothes. In a flash she was changed into a small pink top, light wash jeans and black sandals. Elizabeth Grace Bethany Juno Fauna jumped out the window and even from 6 stories up, landed perfectly, not a hair out of place. Elizabeth Grace Bethany Juno Fauna threw down a crystal and jumped inside.


Elizabeth Grace Bethany Juno Fauna had landed beside a forest ravine. She looked down and wasn’t scared. She turned and ran, much faster than many in flip-flops normally could. Despite the freezing temperatures, Elizabeth Grace Bethany Juno Fauna wasn’t cold. She found her father quickly and untied him. “Stop!” A loud strangely masculine sounding voice echoed. Unlike Elizabeth Grace Bethany Juno Fauna’s melidoic voice that brought birds, it scared the birds away.
“No!” Elizabeth Grace Bethany Juno Fauna said, her voice calm and level. Sarah flew at the girl, but Elizabeth Grace Bethany Juno Fauna ducked. Sarah landed in a pile and jumped up, a dagger in her hand. She lunged towards Elizabeth Grace Bethany Juno Fauna, but the younger girl blocked it with the sword. Sarah was awed by the beauty of the girl and took the dagger and plunged it into her chest. Elizabeth Grace Bethany Juno Fauna was instantly at her side and healed her with a crystal.

“Come, Elizabeth Grace Bethany Juno Fauna, we must tarry no longer. For today, I make you queen, and I will resign my place as king of the Underground.” Her father said. Together Elizabeth Grace Bethany Juno Fauna and Jareth teleported home, back to the castle beyond the Goblin city.

Doll: 3/10 Drabble: 4/10

Doll Critique.
Looking at this doll, it doesn't feel like I'm looking at someone in Labyrinth. It looks like a normal girl standing around in the woods. This would've been improved by expanding the background and including other characters. Overall, this battle "armor" felt like you didn't have enough time to do it. You could've done a lot better than this.

Drabble Critique.
This story was too brief. While it included a good amount of Sue elements, you didn't include enough story or a decently described trial to earn good points. Your Sue elements got you somewhere, but that is all you had going for you here.


Doll Critique.
This doesn't look like a warrior Sue at all, let alone a character from Labyrinth. There's no elements of either in this doll; it's just a perfectly ordinary character. It would be improved a great deal with a bigger background and also some more detail to the doll's clothing and armour.

Drabble Critique.
The story, while fitting the minimum criteria, was just not long enough to grab my attention. You did include a great deal of Sueishness, however the story appears unfinished due to the lack of detail.



image: from google
edit: by me

Last edited by Miranda_ : 12-13-2010 at 04:23 PM.
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Default 12-02-2010, 12:45 AM






Name: Rosetta Tiffany Marie Sunshine Iridessa Selena Aphrodite Elizabeth Victorie Lauryne Wayland-Morgestern.


Age: She is only 14, young compared to the other shadowhunters she lives with, as they are either adults or 17 year olds still left in the care of the Institute. However, she is so experienced and advanced, that when the Nephilim go on raids, though she isn't of age, they pick her over the oldest and wisest Shadowhunters.


Fandom: The Mortal Instruments/The Infernal Devices


Drabble: A ravener demon. Agramon, a greater demon. A Raum demon. And a Kuri Demon. With only a sword to defend herself if things got out of hand. The Mortal Instruments (the Mortal Cup and the Soul Sword) floating ominously in the background, needing to be saved before they were brought to her father. The future of the world on her sholders. And she was all alone. This was going to be a breeze.


For other Shadowhunters, this task would be impossible. To kill off one greater demon without her, it had Jonathan Christopher, her boyfriend, Clarissa, her sister, Alexander and Isabelle, Jonathan Christopher's adoptive brother and sister all of their combined skills and magic weapons, and the help of Clarissa's vampire ex-boyfriend. It had taken The 5 of them nearly a month to figure out where the Mortal Cup was located and to retrieve it, but then they had lost it, and gave up. But for Rosetta Tiffany Marie Sunshine Iridessa Selena Aphrodite Elizabeth Victorie Lauryne Wayland-Morgestern, she had found both Mortal Insturments at the same time, without having to look for them. And taking on 4 demons, including a greater demon, would be no problem for her.


Rosetta Tiffany Marie Sunshine Iridessa Selena Aphrodite Elizabeth Victorie Lauryne Wayland-Morgestern was an excellent fighter. Everyone knew that. But for all that she was so advanced in combat, she hated having to do it. She hated killing anything, even the demons who she knew didn't really die, and didn't have a soul anyways. She was innocent and sweet, and always tried to help other living things out when they needed help. However, she knew that demons killed innocent humans and Downworlders, and she killed them anyway, knowing it would be in the world's best interest.


She looked Agramon in the eyes and smirked. She noticed that the demons had not seen the Mortal Instruments behind them. That makes her job even easier. “Stupid human.” Agramon yelled out hoarsely. “Move out of the way of Agramon, or so be destroyed yourself.” Agramon opened his eyes up, as they had been shut due to the bright light of Manhattan. Upon opening them, he had seen the beautiful siloette of Rosetta Tiffany Marie Sunshine Iridessa Selena Aphrodite Elizabeth Victorie Lauryne Wayland-Morgestern, and found her breathtaking, despite she was one of the Nephilim. When she stepped out in the street, he saw her in full. She was gorgeous, beautiful, ravishing. Every word that mean pretty, thats what she was. When she smirked at him, he almost died inside. He wanted to be with her so badly, depsite everything – his loyalty to her father, Valentine, and his life. He wanted to be with her, to be good. Simply dazzled by her, he glided up to her, straight into the sword, dissolving into gray dust, coating her shoes in the fine dust. One down, 3 to go. Rosetta Tiffany Marie Sunshine Iridessa Selena Aphrodite Elizabeth Victorie Lauryne Wayland-Morgestern thought happily. She hadn't even had to do much. Once the blade touched the greater demon and reduced him to dust, the weight of the world was taken off of her, and she breathed deeply. This was much more easy than she had anticipated.


Without their leader, the other demons just stood there, not knowing what to do. Or being dazzled by her beauty as well. Probably both. While they weren't paying attention, and it would be the most bearable for them, and herself, Rosetta Tiffany Marie Sunshine Iridessa Selena Aphrodite Elizabeth Victorie Lauryne Wayland-Morgestern walked up to them and all at once, cut off their heads with the long blade. With impact of the angel-sword, the demons all turned to ash, now blowing down the streets of Manhattan.


The Mortal Cup and Soul Sword fell to the ground, no long held up in the air by the demons' presence. She ran over to them and picked them up, the Mortal Cup in one hand, and the Sou Sword in another, and ran off towards the harbour to use the Soul Sword to kill her father, Valentine, before he could inflict any more damage on the humans, downworlders, and Shadowhunters.


This would be another fight Rosetta Tiffany Marie Sunshine Iridessa Selena Aphrodite Elizabeth Victorie Lauryne Wayland-Morgestern would have to face alone. But again, it was a fight that would better the world. One that would once again put the weight of the world on her shoulders.

Doll: 7/10 Drabble: 9/10

Doll Critique.
The background feels too dark considering this is supposed to be NYC and it made the demons blend too much. You needed a much brighter place for the background, like a side street off of Times Square. You were accurate in including details of your story, it just needs something to throw it above and beyond.

Drabble Critique.
"This was going to be a breeze." I laughed. This line just made me crack up after the build up of the difficulty of the battle. And the demon finding her beautiful and basically killing himself on her sword because of it, that was too much. I wish you had included the fight with her father! Certainly she couldn't use her beauty to beat him, so I wonder what trick she would have up her sleeve to defeat him.

Doll Critique.
I loved the border; it was pink and set off the Sue nicely, altho the background could have done with being a bit brighter so as to make the Sue stand out better. After all, she's the star, remember? XD

Drabble Critique.
This was absolutely hilarious. XD I just love the way that you keep writing the Sue's name in full every time! Also, the ridiculousness of the battle, the demon's ignoble end, the wonderful details... this is a fantastic drabble and is most definitely all Sue. Well done!



baby, you got me. ♥

Last edited by Miranda_ : 12-13-2010 at 04:26 PM.
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Default 12-13-2010, 04:26 PM

Critiques and scores for this round are up; this round only is critiqued by myself and guest judge Silver Wolf Kitty. Final scores will be up soon.


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