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Default Miss TDP Mary Sue Round 2 {Dollmaker} - 10-10-2010, 03:41 PM

The entrants for the next round of the competition are as follows:


New entrants are allowed, but remember that by not entering the first round, you've missed out on twenty potential points.


Name: Rowanna Mystick Angel Demetor.
Age: Fourteen; she's in fifth year tho cuz she was moved up a year due to being so clever.
Fandom: Harry Potter.
Drabble: Rowanna Mystick Angel Demetor had met the boy of her dreams. A ball had been organised at Hogwarts for no apparent reason, and Rowanna Mystick Angel Demetor was of course going with the love of her life. Rebelliously flouting the unofficial house rules that a Gryffindor and Slytherin could not fall in love, Rowanna Mystick Angel Demetor had fallen madly in love with Blaise Zabini who of course had taken one look at Rowanna Mystick Angel Demetor's flowing golden hair that was like liquid fire, and her beautiful jewel bright sapphire eyes, and fallen madly in love with the honey maned beauty. Rowanna Mystick Angel Demetor had previously been dating Harry Potter and Draco Malfoy, but she'd ditched them both in favour of Blaise. She was sure they'd understand, despite their heartbreak. Rowanna Mystick Angel Demetor had chosen a beautiful dress that set off her dazzling hair and skin like peaches and cream. It was exactly the same colour as her intense azure eyes, and she was sure that Blaise would adore her in it. Rowanna Mystick Angel Demetor could not wait for the dance; she was sure that she would be the belle of the ball!

General Competition Rules.

1. Character. When entering, you need to enter with one character and stay with it the entire time. This means that your doll’s hair and skin colour must remain the same throughout, unless otherwise stated in the round theme.
2. Base. You must use the same base set throughout, so pick one with a variety of poses. This base should also be medium in size for handdrawn dollers (comparable in size to the "Moe" bases here: DHF : Doll on the Hill Factory). Dollmaker users should use the shuni style base.
3. Theft. No stealing the work of another. This applies to both handdrawn and dollmaker participants, so do not submit a doll that someone else made or, for handdrawn dollers, mix and match pieces of completed dolls that are not your own. All work should be original and failure to comply will result in disqualification.
4. Props. Props and backgrounds are encouraged, but should not be massive. We will ask too large of entries to reduce their size, so be reasonable.
5. Transparency. We ask that all dolls have transparent background and is a GIF file. If you don’t know how to do this, see the following thread: How to Make Backgrounds Transparent
6. Forbidden. Sexually explicit, nudity or overly bloody dolls are forbidden. Entering one could result in disqualification. Also, animation and glitter is not allowed as it creates an unequal field for those who can't animate.
7. Theme. Every doll should relate to the theme. While we encourage creativity, failure to keep with the theme can get you eliminated automatically that round.
8. Judges. No one is allowed to use friendship or promises to sway a judge’s decision. Threats, bribery, and attempts to interfere or discover the judge’s decisions in anyway will result in disqualification. Arguing with the judges can result in an automatic elimination.
9. Competing. You can only submit one entry for each competition, so choose wisely.
10. Entries. You may enter both competitions if you wish. Make sure, however, that you do not enter the same profile for both competitions; it must be different.

Each entry must consist of a doll and a drabble. The drabble must be at least 100 words, tho a longer and more colourful entry will gain in points over one that is just the bare minimum.

Round 2: The Mary Sue In Love.

This round is to show your Mary Sue in love. Create a doll to represent her, and also write a short drabble to tell the story of your Sue's true love, whether he be a made up Gary Stu or a horribly warped canon character. Go mad with the pointless description, the character destruction (if your Sue's love is a canon character), the purple prose and the unnecessary detail. Any questions, feel free to PM me.

Please submit all Dollmaker entries here. Judges are as before, myself and Silent_Wolf, and the end date is October 31st. An extension can be granted if need be, but try to get your entries in as soon as is possible. Good luck everyone!

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Default 10-12-2010, 07:56 PM

Name: Elizabeth Grace Bethany Juno Fauna
Fandom: Labyrinth
Elizabeth Grace Bethany Juno Fauna sat on a bench, looking into one of her crystals. It was a nice day and everything seemed normal. The sky was blue the sun was incredibly bright and birds were singing just for her of course. However something caught her eye in the sphere. Tucking away the crystal she took to the air her two platinum blond pigtails flapping behind her in the wind, but didn’t mess them or her dress up. Eventually she saw what she was looking for. A boy of 14 hovered in the air. He had black hair that fell into his lava red eyes and pale white skin. He grinned at her, revealing two pointed teeth. “Hello darling.” He purred circling her seductively.
“Hi. Could you please leave?” She sung in her melodious voice to him.
“But why.” He whispered in her ear. At that moment Elizabeth Grace Bethany Juno Fauna knew she loved him.
“On second thought, don’t leave me.” She sung sweetly, turning to face him. Her mismatched eyes meeting his calmly.
“Wouldn’t dream of it princess.” The vampire purred, taking each other’s hands, they flew away.

Doll: 6/10. Drabble: 4/10.

Doll Critique.
Very boring.
The only real stand-outs are the fact that he's a vampire and clearly gawffic, and she's dressed like a peasant with four glass balls floating next to her.

Drabble Critique.
Again, boring.
Vampires are not that unique anymore as they've hit mainstream status.

Doll Critique.
This doll is fairly well made; I do like the dress and the headband of the Sue, but there isn't really much to it apart from that. The background is rather dull, and there's no indication that there's anything much between the Sue and her twu luv.

Drabble Critique.
Fits the criteria, however it could have been a lot longer and more detailed. As I stated, a drabble that was longer than 100 words and richly detailed would win over the bare minimum, which is all this is. There's no purple prose or unnecessary description, and we don't really know much about the Gary Stu, cept that he's a vampire. This could have been so much more than what it is, given the subject matter.

image: from google
edit: by me

Last edited by Miranda_ : 11-03-2010 at 10:58 AM.
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Default 10-14-2010, 06:58 PM

Okay: I'm posting this before I finish my drabble, because my internet keeps closing everytime I try to post, so I'm going to rty posting the text and editing the stuff in, because it's seriously weirding out, and it's only on tdp. :/

Name: Rosetta Tiffany Marie Sunshine Iridessa Selena Aphrodite Elizabeth Victorie Lauryne Wayland-Morgestern.
Age: She is only 14, young compared to the other shadowhunters she is with, as they are either adults or the 17 year olds still left in the care of the Institute. However, she is so experienced and advanced, that when the Nephlim go on raids, though she isn't of age, they pick her over the oldest and wisest Shadowhunters.
Fandom: The Mortal Instruments/ The Infernal Devices.
Background Info: Rosetta Tiffany Marie Sunshine Iridessa Selena Aphrodite Elizabeth Victorie Lauryne Wayland-Morgestern is meeting her amazing, sweet, funny, gorgeous boyfriend, Jonathan Christopher Wayland Morgestern Herondale Lightwood in front of the fountain in the center of Angel square, where the after battle ball is being held in her honor for defeating her father and his army and forceing them to kill each other after seeing the errors in their way and being so jealous of her beauty
Drabble: Rosetta Tiffany Marie Sunshine Iridessa Selena Aphrodite Elizabeth Victorie Lauryne Wayland-Morgestern was sitting on the edge of the fountain, the crystal lear water falling from the top of it. The angels on in the center piece of the fountain were beautiful, once, she had heard. But now, they were faded, cracked, and falling apart. Sitting in front of them, by contrast, Rosetta Tiffany Marie Sunshine Iridessa Selena Aphrodite Elizabeth Victorie Lauryne Wayland-Morgestern looked far more stunning and beautiful than she did any other night. Her gorgeous dress was spread out onto the fountain, making her look even more thin and small than usual. The bright witchlight stones used for the streetlights reflected off of he water onto her, casting her skin into a plae light, making her look extremly flawless and innocent. It also bathed her hair in the same light, making her dark black hair more highlights, and giving it a whiteish glow.

She heard footsteps and smiled, she knew it was him. He walked up to her and sat next to her, wrapping his arms around her tiny waist, and pushing her raven black hair to the other side of her head, kissing her neck softly. "Ive missed you, beautiful." He whispered, dropping the bright yellow rose into her hands.

She picked it up and smiled, holding it in her hands. It was the perfect rose, the brightest it could be, and fully blossomed. It matched the other roses on her dress, and standing next to it, it brought out the gold in Jonathan Christopher Wayland Morgestern Herondale Lightwood's hair, making him look extremly more attractive than she normally saw him. And he was pretty attractive. She smelled the beautiful flower, and put it next to her on the fountain. "I've missed you too," Rosetta Tiffany Marie Sunshine Iridessa Selena Aphrodite Elizabeth Victorie Lauryne Wayland-Morgestern said as she turned to him and wrapped her arms around his neck and kissed him.

They let this continue for some time, not noticing they had gained an audience, who all stood, looking at them, awestruck. Not because they were making out on the sacred fountain, but because the two of them were so gorgoues, every one else could not bear to look away. Also because these were the two saviors of their precious city, Alecante, in Idris. Rosetta Tiffany Marie Sunshine Iridessa Selena Aphrodite Elizabeth Victorie Lauryne Wayland-Morgestern broke away from Jace and smiled at him.Neither of their hair was ruffled, Rosetta's dress was still perfect, and neither of the were evn flushed, despite their heavy makeout session. Jace picked her up as he stood up from the fountainand set her back down on her feet. He leaned back to the fountain to get the rose, and handed it to her. She took it with one hand, and laced her delacite, perferctly manicured hand into his. The crowd behind them cheered as Jace leaned down to kiss her. He looked at her deep beautiful blue eyes that reminded him of the ocean, "Would you do me the honor of going to the ball with me, Miss Rosetta Tiffany Marie Sunshine Iridessa Selena Aphrodite Elizabeth Victorie Lauryne Wayland-Morgestern?" He asked her sweetly.

She looked up at him and flashed him a dazzling smile. "The honor is all mine, Mr. Jonathan Christopher Wayland Morgestern Herondale Lightwood." She kissed him one last time before they walked into the beautiful ball that brought out both of their beauty and was held in their honor. They danced the night away, the spotlight followeing them the entire night, as they were the most beautiful people.

EDIT: Just btws, Rosetta is not related to Jace, they just have two of the same last names because they were the last names of the families Jace believed he was a child of. At first he thought he was a Wayland, then he was told he was a Morgestern, but then he found out that he really was a Herondale, and the Lightwoods are his adoptive family.

Doll: 8/10. Drabble: 7/10.

Doll Critique.
The doll is absolutely gorgeous. She's wearing a frilly, fancy, colorful gown and he's decked out in white and red. Let's also account that they're in front of a fountain. A FOUNTAIN. Water indicates a love scene, don'cha know?

Drabble Critique.

The drabble (and background info) is pushing the Beautiful Sue stereotype a little too far and too deliberately ("being so jealous of her beauty"), but the fact that the couple can snog and still look absolutely perfect saves the drabble from being too stereotypical. Also love how she's tan, but when in the right light looks pale. AND OH MY GOD THEY KEEP CALLING EACH OTHER BY THEIR FULL NAMES. IT'S KILLING ME.

Doll Critique.
Love the background, tho the doll might look better if it was in front of the fountain rather than to the side. I love her vapid beauty queen smile and the sick making way her twu luv is looking adoringly at her. XD So much detail on the dress, too.

Drabble Critique.
A little too much emphasis on her beauty; of course, a Sue is about looks, but also about personality (or lack of it, rather); a few lines on how loving, caring and all round wonderful would have balanced it out nicely. And colour changing skin? Very original. XD

baby, you got me. ♥

Last edited by Miranda_ : 11-03-2010 at 11:05 AM.
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Default 10-20-2010, 07:25 AM

Name: Sikuma Rei Ayame Hina Shou Midori
Age: Immature 13
Fandom: Angel Sanctuary
Sikuma Rei Ayame Hina Shou Midori is very proud of her latest accomplishment, she has earned her 2nd wing so she decides to strut off and show it off to all the others and possibly make them insanely jealous, although everything seems to be going her way her thoughts are always on the love of her life “Alexiel”, Laying there in the warm sunlight she fantasises that one day they will be together…

Rumours and whispers around the angel sanctuary were that there is to be a fencing competition and it is to be held TODAY, The winner will have the opportunity to date the beautiful Arch angel Alexiel, Sikuma's eyes popped out of their sockets and then popped back in again as she realised that a notice clearly stated that it is to be for Males only, being female and having the most awesome sword skills that one could only ever dream of having, she knew she could win this, she often played with other swords, a sabre, she often practiced with as a young child.

Sikuma decided that she would participate in this competition, she didn’t care if she was looked down upon and was very determined to put her foot down on s.exual discrimination once and for all, with that as her main objective, and of course having her eye on the ultimate prize, she sets off to prepare for the comp.
Sikuma slipped on her smexxi fencing outfit, having a boyish figure no body noticed that she was a girl so she strode into the arena with her sabre, and Introduced herself as “The Masked Avenger” she was ready to do battle.

Rd 1 Sikuma’s first opponent is “Michael” who has a strong hatred for woman, Sikuma hated Michael with a vengeance so with a quick “Attack au fer”and timely derobement her opponent lay quivering on the ground in a pool of blood.

Rd 2 Sikuma prepares to battle her second opponent "Raphael” who despises and hates woman also, Sikuma eyes him surreptitiously for oh about…..30 seconds, he stood no chance as Sikuma jumped over to his side, flashed him a glimpse of what she had underneath her armour and with a flying Riposte which landed him his final Corps de corps.....He lay very still muttering some unintelligible gibberish, he then fell silent.

Rd 3 Sikuma prepares to end the life of “Uriel” who had previously sentenced Alexiel to her gruesome punishment, yes, he deserves what he is about to get.
Uriel lunges towards Sikuma and the tip of his blade just skims Sikuma's left thigh, seeing the gash and seeing red Sikuma smiles at him with glee and quotes "Tis but a flesh wound", I've had worse, with that and a very timely “Coupe de lance” she then sent her opponent reeling from her three pronged, Prise de Fer whip over manoeuvre which kills him instantly.

Sikuma Rei Ayame Hina Shou Midori wins!....of course, she knew she would. The crowd cheers for the masked avenger who clearly deserved to win and who has them very intrigued indeed.
With that Sikuma walks over to the grand stand, with her head held high she looks over to where Alexiel sits waiting to meet her victor , she removes her mask and all is revealed, the crowd grew silent, you could feel the tension as Sikuma declared to all that she is the winner, unsure of what the reaction will be from Alexiel, Sikuma waits nervously as Alexiel stands up in all her radiant glory, puffs out her wings and walks over to her, she takes her hand and kisses her on the brow…..they walk to the seven great pillars to sit and talk, The old ways are gone and a new era begins.

Sikuma Rei Ayame Hina Shou Midori has her victory and that all she needs.
(p.s If there are any mistakes, I dont care!..I'm tired)

Doll: 9/10. Drabble: 7/10.

Doll Critique.

The doll is almost perfect, but why is her halo all the way down there? It's bothering me for some reason and pulls my eyes away from the angels.

Drabble Critique.
... Where's the romance? All I see is that the competition is the opportunity for a date, and that it's males only because the date is with a woman, and then at the end all they do is talk.
She also wears a smexxi fencing outfit, but is still seen as a man.
Maybe I'm just not following the story well, here.

Doll Critique.
I love this doll, especially the pink and black colour scheme and the way that the two angels seem to match with each other. The twu luv's hair is wonderful, so glossy looking. I'm too wondering a bit about the halo tho; it seems a strange place for it to be.

Drabble Critique.
Very well written and incredibly detailed, along with some unnecessary paragraphs and the way that the Sue just has to beat everyone easily. I would like a lot more romance tho in the drabble; there doesn't seem to be nearly enough, considering that this round is about the Sue in love

Last edited by Miranda_ : 11-03-2010 at 11:11 AM.
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Default 10-26-2010, 08:24 PM

Name: Master Trainer Eliza Theresa Constance Orchid Ketchum
Age: 8
Fandom: Pokemon
Master Trainer Eliza Theresa Constance Orchid Ketchum Is getting ready for a beauty competition wit her pokemon, Luvdisc. As she herself gets gussied up, she receives a phone call from her beloved boyfriend, Brock. He wants to go on a date later! "That’s exactly wheat I wanted!" she thought. Now she can use this opportunity to insure that he stays with her. After the competition, he will be so captivated by her beauty, that she could use her Luvdisc to use the moves Sweet Kiss and Attract to seal the deal. She had no worries of losing him in the first place, but one can never be too careful...
Eliza Teresa Constance Orchid Ketchum was staring at herself in the mirror. "Do you think I look pretty enough Luvdisc?" *glub glub* "Oh of course I do!"

Eliza and her Luvdisc we're getting ready for that day's competition. Make-up, fancy clothes, cute hats, the works. Eliza was incredibly confident in her pokemon’s beauty; it was of course, raised by her. Suddenly the phone rang.
"Is this the most beautiful girl in the region?"
"Only if this is Brock, the WORLDS best boyfriend."
" I was wondering if you wanted to go out tonight."
"I would love to! Meet me outside the contest hall this afternoon. You can watch me and Luvdisc win."
"Okay, Honey."

"Luvdisc did ya hear? This is our chance!" And indeed it was. Eliza Theresa Constance Orchid had much more than a fun date on her mind. She was going to make sure that Brock, the best boyfriend in the world, was going to stay in her life... more or less willingly; but her's all the same.

. . . . . . .

"And the first place winners are: Master Trainer Eliza Theresa Constance Orchid Ketchum and her lovely Luvdisc!
It was no surprise that she had won. And the other contestants were glad too! They would rather loose than win over the kindest, gentlest heart in the entire region. Eliza was more excited than usual because now she could put her plan into action. She met up with Brock after the show where they celebrated her win with dinner and a movie. Afterwards, he drove her back home. "You were amazing Beautiful! Your most successful win ever!"
"I know how to make it even more successful." At first, this excited Brock, but that quickly died away as soon as he remembered the laws about young girls and older men...
"What are you talking about Lizzy?" he said a little uncomfortably.
"LUVDISK! Use Attract!" Suddenly, Brock was woozy. "Wow. You look really pretty in this light Lizzy...."
"Luvdisc, use Sweet Kiss."

And it did. And so did she. "Goodnight sweetie!"
As he slowly walked towards his car she went inside. "That'll keep him around for sure, huh Luvdisc?" *glub glub*
"Of course it will!"
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Dollmaker: Purrfection
Background: Google
Luvdisc: The Pokemon Database .com

(I seriously almost barfed writing this drabble... -__-)

Doll: 10/10. Drabble: 10/10.

Doll Critique.
The doll is well executed (how are you doing that with the making it look like it's a scene from the games?!) and I love how she's hiding Luvdisc.

Drabble Critique.
The drabble is sheer creeper WIN. She's eight and has cleavage! And even though he knows it's wrong, she uses her Poke'mon on him! God, so much creep factor. Somebody call Chris Hanson and have him sit down with.. you know what, no, don't call him. This is complicated.

Doll Critique.
So much colour, and so much wonderful attention to detail! This scene could have come right from the cartoon, it's so perfect. XD Eight years old, and wearing a dress meant for adults, and she has bo'obs too! O_o Plus the way she's sneakily hiding her Pokemon behind her back while distracting Brock with her impossible cleavage. XD

Drabble Critique.
Epic. No other word can possibly describe this drabble where the Sue uses her Luvdisc to get Brock to date her, even tho he's perfectly aware just how creeptastic it is for him to be dating an eight year old. And of course, the beauty competition is just completely out there. XD Absolutely perfect.

"I feel you breathing... Everywhere...The rain, the hay... please. Please Wendela."

Last edited by Miranda_ : 11-03-2010 at 11:18 AM.
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Default 11-02-2010, 10:19 AM

Name: Lauren Rachel Jessica Marie-Porter
Age: 17
Fandom: GLEE

Drabble: Jessi had nearly all of the men at the school under her control, but she couldn't help feeling like something was missing. She needed everyone to adore her; she was sure they all would. One day after Cheerios practice, she overheard Brittney and Santana talking.

"Have you seen that new girl? She's like, so much prettier than Quinn. We should invite her to Breadsticks. Then we can get to know her better."
"I sometimes leave Breadsticks in the middle of dinner because i have to make sure my reflection didn't leave the mirror."
"Would you focus, Britt? If we can get on her good side, I promise I'll consider making lady-babies with you."

Jessi was thrilled, her heart began to race. she had heard Santana could be very mean, but she admired Jessi's stark raven beauty. And even though Brittney was a bit dull, she was apparently a very good kisser. Jessi mustered up some courage and went to go talk to the two angelic-looking cheerleaders.

"Hey, girls, I couldn't help but overhear you talking about Breadsticks. Is that place any good? I heard they're legally not allowed to stop serving you breadsticks! I'd love to go there sometime."
"Well, you're in luck! Britt and I were just about to go over there tonight. pick you up around seven? And make sure you wear one of your more revealing outfits. we have post-dinner plans that include you."

Dinner was the most magical experience Jessi had ever had. Brittney was incredibly funny, and Santana knew so many interesting things about all of the people in school. After filling up on more breadsticks than she could count, Jessi went back to Santana's place with Brittney. At first she was scared, because she knew Britt and Santana had a bit of thing going on between them, but they begged her to get in on their couple. Britt was a great a kisser as rumor had told, and Santana really did want to have Jessi's lady babies. So much, in fact, that she forgot all about Puck and Finn (and almost Britt, but Jessi wouldn't allow that). The three of them became the hottest, er, triple in the school, and they made the small Ohio town see bisexuality as completely okay. Even though Jessi loved Birtt and Santana, she still enjoyed toying with the emotions of all the boys, and of course they only adored her more for it.

Doll: 8/10. Drabble: 8/10.

Doll Critique.
Looks like a scene straight from the show, with one cheerleader being rebellious and dressing punk.

Drabble Critique.
She turns everything on its head. I think that's enough said. Also, I luled at this line: "If we can get on her good side, I promise I'll consider making lady-babies with you." I don't know if that's actually in the show or not, but it's hilarious!

Doll Critique.
Two twu luvs? Now the Sue's just being greedy. XD But it works so well, especially when teamed with the drabble. My only criticism is the grey part at the back; it doesn't really match with the rest of the background.

Drabble Critique.
Dating two cheerleaders and as well, dating boys? Everyone really does love this Sue, which is certainly a very well executed Sue story. I've never actually watched Glee, but I'm fairly sure that this Sue would be an abomination within the show, and that's more than good enough for this competition. XD

Av/Sig set: Lovie

Last edited by Miranda_ : 11-03-2010 at 11:23 AM.
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Default 11-03-2010, 11:24 AM

OK everyone; critiques and scores are up! Stay tuned for the next round; it should be up sometime today.

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