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UtaGoesRawr 05-05-2012 11:41 PM

Not sure what to say
 
This is kinda a long story..

About two years ago, I dated this boy for six months. I was madly in love with him, but he didn't feel the same about me. It took me two years to accept this and move on. Last year, I moved to a new school. My locker was next to a boy that I became good friends with. He gave me his number and we started texting one another, but I always sort of knew he liked me. I asked him if he did after Valentine's day, and he said he did, so we started dating. Around March, I found out he liked me the whole year, which makes me feel guilty because I really feel nothing for him. I told him I loved him, but that feeling I had with my ex just isn't there. I know I need to tell him eventually, but I just don't know what to say. He keeps telling me how he wants to move forward in our relationship, but I can't build up enough courage to do what he wants to (to clear this up, I mean kissing and acting all lovey-dovey around school).

What should I say to him without jepordizing our friendship?

Miranda_ 05-06-2012 08:37 AM

The only thing you can do is be truthful; tell him that you like him a lot, but you think you ought to be friends rather than boyf and girlf. He might be upset, but it's the only thing you can do.

belladoggy 05-06-2012 02:00 PM

I'm with Miranda on this one; what you're doing now is essentially leading the poor boy on, and being led on, well, it kinda s.u.cks. I mean, it sounds like your ex was leading you on, so remember how awful that felt; I don't think you would want to do the same thing to another person. If you don't love someone, you really shouldn't say that you do, because it isn't fair to the other person, who may believe you. In relationships, I always think honesty is the best policy, because it allows for open communication. It sounds like you're doing this just because you feel like you need to be in a relationship, but you really don't, especially if you're not feeling anything with this new guy.

It might make your friendship a bit rocky, for a while, but, in the end, it'll work out for the better because you can get out of the stagnant relationship, and he cane find someone else who really has the feelings he is looking for. Honestly, the only thing you should feel a bit guilty about is telling him you loved him when you knew you didn't; it's not like you could control his developing a crush on you at the beginning of the year, but giving him false confidence in the relationship not only made it harder for you to get out of it, but also could really hurt him. Apologize for leading him to think you had the feelings he thought you did, and explain what you said here.

UtaGoesRawr 05-06-2012 02:23 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by belladoggy (Post 959141)
I'm with Miranda on this one; what you're doing now is essentially leading the poor boy on, and being led on, well, it kinda s.u.cks. I mean, it sounds like your ex was leading you on, so remember how awful that felt; I don't think you would want to do the same thing to another person. If you don't love someone, you really shouldn't say that you do, because it isn't fair to the other person, who may believe you. In relationships, I always think honesty is the best policy, because it allows for open communication. It sounds like you're doing this just because you feel like you need to be in a relationship, but you really don't, especially if you're not feeling anything with this new guy.

It might make your friendship a bit rocky, for a while, but, in the end, it'll work out for the better because you can get out of the stagnant relationship, and he cane find someone else who really has the feelings he is looking for. Honestly, the only thing you should feel a bit guilty about is telling him you loved him when you knew you didn't; it's not like you could control his developing a crush on you at the beginning of the year, but giving him false confidence in the relationship not only made it harder for you to get out of it, but also could really hurt him. Apologize for leading him to think you had the feelings he thought you did, and explain what you said here.

I do feel very guilty about that. But, I'm really the kind of person who is fine with being single. I didn't really want a boyfriend at the time when I asked him.
When I told him I loved him the first time, I felt like I did with my ex but the feeling didn't last all that long.
Talking about this makes me feel like I'm a terrible person. :c

belladoggy 05-06-2012 02:56 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by UtaGoesRawr (Post 959142)
I do feel very guilty about that. But, I'm really the kind of person who is fine with being single. I didn't really want a boyfriend at the time when I asked him.
When I told him I loved him the first time, I felt like I did with my ex but the feeling didn't last all that long.
Talking about this makes me feel like I'm a terrible person. :c

You shouldn't feel like a terrible person; you just gotta learn from this mistake. You're human, it happens :)

okay, that's not so bad, but you do have to tell him that the feeling has faded. And, if you didn't really want a boyfriend...well, why did you ask him out? that's the only thing confusing me. But as long as you two are able to talk about things openly an honestly, it should work out for the better.

UtaGoesRawr 05-07-2012 08:10 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by belladoggy (Post 959143)
You shouldn't feel like a terrible person; you just gotta learn from this mistake. You're human, it happens :)

okay, that's not so bad, but you do have to tell him that the feeling has faded. And, if you didn't really want a boyfriend...well, why did you ask him out? that's the only thing confusing me. But as long as you two are able to talk about things openly an honestly, it should work out for the better.

Whenever I find out a guy likes me, I feel like I'd be rude if I said no to being his girlfriend. (I'm too nice. Dx)
Oh, I talked to him last night. I didn't bring up the fading feelings, but we're not together anymore. I told him I still wanted to talk to him, though. So, maybe in a while I could tell him.


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