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Default Six Months: Pain Still There - 01-15-2012, 10:14 PM

Well, as some of you know, I used to be in a realtionship with such a sweet girl but sadly, we have been over for six months already and I love her so much still. She made me happy, she gave me hope to not do anything stupid to myself that might result with me in the hospital or worse, she acutally stopped me I dont know how many times.

I guess I should say why we broke up, well, I got my feelings toyed with, it was time when I was very weak, emotional and in a dark place and a guy friend of mine who had a crush on me since middle school saw this as a chance to flirt with me and tried to get me like him back, and I foolishly broke up with her becuase I thought I had strong feelings for him even though I have little to no interest in boys.

Now before I go on and post this, I would like to say that we are still very close friends, yes people it is possible to be friends still.

So any adivce on how to get over this break up or a way to make thing less painful?



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Default 01-16-2012, 02:34 AM

You're gonna think I'm an awful, heartless person who has no idea how the pain of rejection works for saying this, but, I think the best thing you can do, is stop dwelling on it. It's like picking the scabs off of wounds: you'll keep bleeding until you leave yourself alone. (That was entirely a metaphor, but the by). it's really good to hear that the two of you are still close friends, but if you let those "What ifs?" linger, you'll never truly be at ease around each other. I know you don't want to hear me say "just move on" because it's not that easy; I get that. But if you really want to lessen whatever emotional turmoil you're putting yourself through, you can't dwell on what happened or what might have been. If she brings up something about wanting to get back together, that's another story, and I have no idea how to deal with that. But, having experienced nothing but rejection from the people I've cared in that way about, I can say from experience that once I let go, it got so much easier. Does it still suck to not have a significant other? Of course, but timing is everything. You will meet other girls, and if you keep dwelling on this girl, you aren't going to allow yourself to open up to these newcomers, who might help you even more than she has, if you let them. Key idea here is YOU have to let them, not any body else. You know who I learned that from? My best guy friend, whom I still consider my absolute best friend, even though a couple years ago, I developed feelings for him that he didn't return. He has a girlfriend, and you know? I love them both. Because I was able to stop harping on the fact our feeling just weren't in sync (besides, we're so much more like brother and sister anyway). Even if you think you won't be strong enough to soldier on, you're wrong, because you've come this far, and it looks like you've been through a lot, and I've been there, too, and I'm still here. I don't know how old you are (between 14 and 16, I think...) but you have your whole life and a whole bunch of people just waiting to meet YOU ahead of you, so try not to get in your own way



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Default 01-16-2012, 03:13 AM

I dont think your an awful person. ._.
I mean what you told me is true. I wont lie, I've tried to move on its just memories keep getting in the way and I'm not really on good terms with a friend of hers who didnt really make a good frist immpression with me or her older brother. About a month after we broke up, she told me that he had kissed her one night, at the time it didnt bug me becuase I knew she was so stressed over work and school, but now that she had her early graudation now its starting to bug me and making it tough to move on.

And about letting other people in on my life is very tough for me because I've been bullied all my life and only certain people have really stayed and the others just turn their backs on me so its tough to really trust a person, but your right.

Anyway, I better get my butt off to be before my mom yells at me and before my lappy dies. And thanks for the advice~
And by the way, I'm 16~



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Default 01-16-2012, 07:51 AM

I don't wish to appear condescending, but at sixteen the feelings you have may be very intense, but it's not the be all and end all of existance. Yes, it is possible for two sixteen year olds to fall in love and stay together forever but it's rare. The reason for that is that you will grow older and change and become a different person to the one you were at sixteen.

I would suggest not hanging around this girl so much; doing so, when she doesn't return your feelings is just rubbing salt in the wound. Yes, you can stay friends, but go out with other friends more and try to find other interests that don't include her. That way you can get thru your feelings and they eventually will fade. I'm not saying ignore her completely or cut her out of your life, just to try not to depend on her solely for companionship.

Also, a lot of teenage girls experiment with their sexuality so there's no sense in labelling yourself just yet. I knew a girl in college who'd had a fling with another girl in secondary but who settled down with a guy. You won't know for certain who you really are til you're much older so don't dwell on it; just concentrate on living your life.


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Default 01-16-2012, 01:34 PM

Go out with other friends? The problem is... I have no other friends! I dont have anyone else. I was the type of kid who was always alone in school, so I dont have anyother friends. Just her and her brother, but sadly, her brother is too busy with other things, so he's out of the question.

But now that you mention it, I think she's trying to do the same. She's told me before that she still not completly over the break up and lately when she gets home from work we really dont talk that much. I just wish she would told me or we could of both agreed to lay off of each other for while becuase I'm over here thinking she replaced me or she doesnt want me anymore, and we acutally got into a fight over that, thankfully we both got over the fight.

And now that I think about it, wouldnt it be best for myself to worry about me for awhile and just do the things I've been wanting to do for a long time? That way I could keep my mind off the break up for while.



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Default 01-16-2012, 06:43 PM

Yes; do that. Find something else to do, even if it's just going for long walks on your own. And try to get involved in activities and make new friends. I know it's easy to say, but you won't know til you try.


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Default 01-16-2012, 06:45 PM

Well in that case, it's time to whip out the new camera and start fliming my dance covers~
And thanks for the help~



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