why couldn't he have told me sooner?

[jelca]

well, here's the story.


i've known this guy for atleast.. 5 years or so. we were always just best friends although many other people accused us of liking eachother. i always did whether it was a lot or just a little bit, and i know he has once or twice. in the beginning of the summer he confessed to me one night that he couldn't lie anymore, that he liked me. i told him i did too, i felt like a huge weight was lifted off my chest after he knew. within that same night, he asked me to be his girlfriend, of course.. i said yes. i've always been vulnerable, and open, and i believe many things. but with this, i believed it all right off the bat. suprisingly though, it was all true. he never lied when he spoke his feelings to me. one night, he said he loved me..i said it back because i knew i did, and i still do. he's the only guy i've ever completely loved with no doubts about it. i was amazed at how strong we were together being as no one wanted to see the best friends together. but we loved eachother too much to let go. we fought only once..and that one time.. crushed us. we broke up. two days later, he asked me back out. yet, i denied him because i said that i wanted to make sure i could handle the pain again if we went back out..basically.. i wanted to build my strength back up. each day the pain of not having him.. was growing worse and worse. finally, he asked me back out not even 3 days later, i said yes. we were going perfect, just like the first time, lasted even longer. then one night, he said some stuff he didn't mean, i said stuff too. we stopped talking. i cried. he called me 20 minutes later sounding as if he was in tears, he said he loved me, asked me to forgive him.. while i did the exact same thing except i had been crying right after we stopped talking. a couple days later, i became his everything. although he was already mine. but finally my dream came to an end. we broke up again. yet this time.. we didn't get back together. we promised we'd just stay best friends still school started because he believed we'd be stronger then, he promised no girls in between our pause, and i did too.
for the past 3 weeks i've cried myself to sleep practically every night, i tell him i love him still every time i talk to him, he hasn't said it back once... tonight i asked him if he even wanted me back, he replied with he just wanted to be friends right now even though he likes me. for almost 4 hours now, i've been crying non- stop. i've felt pain before, but never something like this. i asked why he couldn't have told me before rather than leading me on into believing we had another chance to be together. he said he didn't know.

now my only question is.. why. if a guy liked you so much, why wouldn't he wanna be with you? it's not that he doesn't wanna be in a relationship, because earlier today he told my best friend that he was just waiting.


i hope all of this makes sense, it's hard to see what i'm typing with blurred and swollen eyes. thanks so much for reading.. and please reply with anything..

[Miranda_]

Just cuz he tells your best friend something that you want to hear, does not mean that it's true. He could well have decided, now that he's in a relationship, that it's too intense for him and he wants out. However, like a lot of guys do, he's too cowardly to tell you this and is instead treating you badly in the hope that you'll ditch him.

On the other hand, he could want to be in a relationship with you; however, your neediness is frightening him and making him want out. Cool it for a bit, and stop with the "I love you"s for a bit, and asking him if he still wants you. Try to go out with your friends and forget him for a bit; don't try to assume that I don't understand. I have been with my boyf for nearly seven years; we don't live in each other's pockets, but have separate time. This has kept our love strong.

Only you can decide which option is more likely; just try hard to put emotion aside and look at it logically. If he doesn't want to be with you then all the wishing in the world won't make it so. If you are being too clingy, then whether you want it or not, you will drive him away. I wish you all the best.

[jelca]

thanks so much. he finally told me what was up and apologized for everything since he "feels bad". but you know, after reading what you said, and listening to my friends. i just told him that i was okay and realized that i don't need him; i just had him for so long i thought i did. i've been going strong and i guess you could say i finally got my life back. he's hardly ever on my mind now. now it's more of the upcoming school year, my friends, and of course family. we're best friends as always, just like we were before everything happened between us. it's always a little awkward, but it's starting to fade now. he told me he loved me a couple days ago, although i just couldn't bring myself to say it back. i just shook my head. after thinking about the situation for so long; he's not everything i thought he was. in our relationship he was so much more, and now he's just a guy that once held me down, had my heart, and i loved him. i've never been able to stay in a relationship for long, so that feeling was crazy because who ever thought my best friend could do that to me? haha well, life is confusing i guess..and suprises me in so many ways..

[russoaly]

Aw D: It really hurts when you love someone for such a long time.. and then he turns you down it hurts. I'm glad you feel better ^^