06-05-2012, 04:26 PM
Scores - Profile: 8/10. Doll: 8/10.
Oh god, the purple prose, the purple prose! Simply awful the way the description of your Sue's looks and the scant attention to her actual personality; this is a revoltingly horrendous depiction of the Sue in all her hideous glory. Of course, this Sue has a tragic past, where she is raped and abused, but of course is adopted by America and is of course, his favourite. Not to mention the way that someone is, of course, jealous of the Sue and everyone loves her. So sickly sweet it makes one want to puke. My only real criticism is that this needs to have a teensy bit more grammar and proper sentence structure to it, so as to fully put accross the horror of the Suefic.
Oh, god, the fact that you chose Hetalia, one of the scariest fandoms out there, gave me chills. You step it up further with a ridiculous name, nonsense description, and more.
Her description is contradictory, if you look at it; 'willowy' people are usually skinny, not curvy, unless, like the 'perfect' Sue, she is somehow both at the same time. Such irrelevant details, like the fingers and toes. It's very sickeningly Sue.
The personality is so insipid and bland and Sue I can hardly stand to read it - don't worry, that's a good thing. However, you might want to review your writing; it's confusing who exactly she befriends until you get to the bio. Yes, I know a Suefic writing would do much worse, but the purpose of this contest is really humor, and understanding the ridiculous situations you set up is part of that humor.
The powers? PSSSSHHH, nothing to do with Texan stereotypes whatsoever, just a one-up contest with the other countries, but of course Texas is too kind-hearted to point out her own flawlessness.
Tragic past? Check.
Sweet rescue? Check.
Inserting herself needlessly into everyone's business? Check.
And where on earth did America get a tower? I mean, for heaven's sake, we don't really have any of those unless it's a really old penitentiary… it's perfectly stupid and funny. I love it.
Only real problems are some of the odd uses of commas, making it a little less of a joy to read. Then again, the intro part is sucky to do no matter what; the fun stuff comes next.
A perfectly stereotyped Texan girl is this Sue; I just adore all the little details, like her heart shaped kiss curl, her top detailing, her cute and winsome expression. She just has that look of "oh, you just know you can't help but fall in love with me!" on her face, the mark of the true Sue. I would have liked to see her with a background tho, as well as to show off her Sueishness to the max. Maybe something to think of for the next round?
Fits description perfectly as possible, as sweet expression, and a little heart curl to make Italy jealous. Nice touch. However, it's just the doll on her own; next round, give me some background or props, or frames; go wild! If you look up for my comments on the doll above yours, I linked to a website with pixellated backgrounds, which is always better to use for dolls than any photo. Props are all over the place; mix 'n match! I want to see you go over-the-top with this!