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Miranda_ (Offline)
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Default Darn you, character limit - 03-07-2012, 12:19 PM

Leo
A Leo armed with a big ego is a dangerous creature indeed. A little poke at your ego and here we go again! Another cataclysmic meltdown! Do you really have to make a song and dance out of everything? You're not on Broadway, you know. You are too busy creating stories and blowing everything out of proportion. You donít have to invent a story about a meteor hitting the back of your head and contaminating you with a new virus that makes the tips of your hair hurt. Just take a painkiller and stop moaning. You finally get what you want this month; freedom. Sadly, that translates as your main squeeze ditching you for your best friend. Don't spend too many hours crying over it; just write their names on a mailing list for casual pickups and get over it. Speaking of pickups, that guy who tries to pick you up at the bar on Saturday is a serial killer. Do not go home with him, unless you wish to become on intimate terms with the inside of his chest freezer.

Virgo
You have no idea what you want to say. You will give confusing disparate directions, and you will explain things poorly and be misunderstood. Your quiet voice will gather like dust in corners. Yes, this month will be just like all the ones before. In the vast landscape of the interior life, you are merely a dust spec. Whatever you do and whatever you say may be of some difference to the person in front of you. However, the rest of the world simply does not care. And you know what they do to dust? They wipe it off or suck it up. Hold on tight, the vacuum cleaner is pointing your way. Your dark secret is about to be exposed. It could be as obvious as someone booking an air balloon and flying over your village with your secret spelt out on the balloon. Unfortunately there is nothing you can do about it; you may as well shrug your shoulders and wave at the balloon. Tip: Dye your hair and shave your legs. Do not get it the wrong way round like last time.

Libra
It is cold, very cold. There is a lot to display but it is probably best youíre not exposing yourself, even if you are an exhibitionist. Keep your assets well covered and stay warm. Some women dream of marrying doctors. Some men think they are doctors of love. The only doctor in your future is a Dr. Pepper. Itís either what you know that got you this far or what you donít know that didnít carry you where you should have been by now. Do not think on this too much or you might burn out what is left of your brain. You will go mad buying too many clothes for too much money this month and will wonder where all your cash went. You know, you could always try to budget rather than struggle making a budget for the first few days then give up and go to the mall. We don't hate you. We are just exhausted with your self-pitying ways. Get out of bed, grow up and get a life.

Scorpio
While you find it exhilarating to run naked in the woods behind your house, your neighbors are becoming alarmed at the sight of you butt naked with high top Converse sneakers on. Reign in your free spirit at least to the point where you don't end up with a public nudity arrest that lands in the local paper. You need to hook up with a Leo so no one will feel left out of the self-worshipping thing. Really, get over yourself. This will come as a horrible shock to you, but you are not always right. Quit fuming and accept it. Reconsider posting on Facebook those photographs you took of your last big night out. Being half naked, drooling and covered in vomit is never a good look for anyone, and you wouldn't want it reposted all over the internet forever after, now would you? Don't assume that your Facebook friends would never do such a thing; one of them is a Capricorn, for god's sake. Warning: Blue is not your colour.

Sagittarius
Stop asking random people on the street if your butt looks big in your Levi jeans. Eventually, you will stop a Cancer who will tell you the truth; namely that there are double decker buses that look smaller than your bum in jeans. You will go home in tears and, in a fit of depressive mania, will eat all the dog's chocolate treats. Why is being a Sagittarius such a burden? Why is it so much about control? Try switching caffeine products in the morning. If you normally drink coffee, try some good hot tea instead. If you normally drink tea, try some Mountain Dew. It make not aid you in being a little less high strung, but it will certainly change something. Let me know how that works out for you. Quit being so organised and obsessively tidy; it is irritating everyone around you and making them long for the day when you will throw a towel on the floor instead of neatly folding it and hanging it on a rack. Be impulsive for once; it won't kill you.

Capricorn
Locate and destroy your envy before it kills you. If cupidity didn't get the best of you, stupidity will. March will be an entertaining month for us. We'll be watching you and we'll be laughing at you as you blindly struggle thru the month. Especially on Sunday when you trip over a stray cat and break your collar bone. Your indecision is driving everyone else crazy. Why can't you just make a plan and go with it? Spending twenty minutes pondering the advantages of the various combo meals available at McDonald's drive thru is rather counterproductive, don't you think? Not to mention the fact that you don't want to annoy the large lady standing behind you who is desperate to buy her daily helping of saturated fat and sugary drinks. Your constant cravings for attention prompt all of your friends to nudge each other and say, "No, YOU tell him/her to settle down!" You have the mentality of a five year old and the wit and sophistication of a donkey.


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