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spirit_queen (Offline)
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Default 01-01-2011, 11:12 AM

In ways, I agree with Chessie (no, Chessie, you did not sound like a prat); this character lacks a certain depth to her. In other words, she could go either way; be a wonderfully mousey "nerd" type, or turn into a sue that starts out "invisible" and, due to circumstances out of her control, has to overnight change all of her habits (think of the Princess Diaries movie, but even more unbelievable with the 'overnight' tidbit).

Now, you could, say, make her more like a breathing human and less like a cartoon, metaphorically, by giving her more individual quirks. Perhaps she's... people-phobic? As in, being in large crowds makes her panic, or when she's speaking in front of people, she tugs at her hair and buried her face behind it as a shield, or something to that end. Adding little details like that turns a generic trait into something believable.

As for flaws... well, being nervous around people seems more like an extra than an actual flaw. The Seven Deadly Sins are Sloth, Greed, L'ust, Wrath, Gluttony, Pride, and Envy. While I don't recommend you just list one of these in and of themselves in a character skeleton, this is a good place to start.

For example, your character Anne does not seem lazy, for she likes to keep her grades up, so Sloth is out.

Anne strikes me as slightly unambitious, so Greed is out.

L'ust would require her going out and flirting with random people to satisfy it, and she isn't a people-person, so that's out.

Gluttony isn't just food; it's over-indulging in any one thing, and the motto is more or less "I want more", while Greed's is "I want it all,". Just as before, your character has shown no sign of needing to hoard something, so no Gluttony.

Pride requires one to think highly of one's self (or at least for the sin it does; you can have pride without being arrogant), and Anne seems to have low self-esteem. Definitely not Pride.

Last but not least, and the one with the most potential for your character, is Envy. Taken from a wiki-page (link!), this is a great definition for what the sin of Envy is all about: "Envy (also called invidiousness) is best defined as an that "occurs when a person lacks another's (perceived) superior quality, achievement, or possession and either desires it or wishes that the other lacked it." " Now, your character Anne doesn't seem to think highly of herself, but that usually requires seeing other people above you. Thus, she could see others who have social graces and lots of friends and let longing for what they have consume her.

This was an example of a basic process you could use to help develop flaws for your characters. But when I saw 'basic', I mean it; there are human characteristics and flaws that don't fit into the Seven Deadly Sins, or not completely, and those are to be considered too. I just chose to give you this list to follow by so that you can have a starting idea on what it means to pick out a flaw for your character. You don't have to pick out Envy for Anne, though; you could change her if you wanted to fit around something else.

Your introductory post is pretty good, though your descriptions seem choppy; at some points you have these wonderful phrases that make you see and feel where your character is and what she's like, but then you follow that up with... a blank. Intro posts give you a feel for the character and the setting, so really work on those. In fact, if I made a character that seems week in the skeleton, or outline, I use my intro to give the readers a better feel for him/her and their mind (flaws, virtues, opinions and all!).

I hope this isn't too choppy (my dad is rushing me), or too much of a bore to read, and that you take this all to heart.

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