Join Date: Dec 2009
11-24-2010, 09:28 PM
Name:Elizabeth Grace Bethany Juno Fauna
Drabble: “High princess Elizabeth Grace Bethany Juno Fauna! Your father has been captured and taken above ground by Sarah Williams!” A small goblin squeaked, waking the princess from her daydream. Elizabeth Grace Bethany Juno Fauna’s shining and sparkling mismatched eyes became slightly darker. Elizabeth Grace Bethany Juno Fauna stood up and her flowing gown revealed no wrinkles, even though shed been reclining.
“Euthia! Fetch me my sword and battle gear.” Elizabeth Grace Bethany Juno Fauna’s crystal clear, soft melodious voice rang out. The goblin nodded, in awe of the high princess, and scurried away. Elizabeth Grace Bethany Juno Fauna paced over to her dresser and put on a red necklace. The goblin ran up to Elizabeth Grace Bethany Juno Fauna and bowed, handing her a bejeweled sword and a pile of clothes. In a flash she was changed into a small pink top, light wash jeans and black sandals. Elizabeth Grace Bethany Juno Fauna jumped out the window and even from 6 stories up, landed perfectly, not a hair out of place. Elizabeth Grace Bethany Juno Fauna threw down a crystal and jumped inside.
Elizabeth Grace Bethany Juno Fauna had landed beside a forest ravine. She looked down and wasn’t scared. She turned and ran, much faster than many in flip-flops normally could. Despite the freezing temperatures, Elizabeth Grace Bethany Juno Fauna wasn’t cold. She found her father quickly and untied him. “Stop!” A loud strangely masculine sounding voice echoed. Unlike Elizabeth Grace Bethany Juno Fauna’s melidoic voice that brought birds, it scared the birds away.
“No!” Elizabeth Grace Bethany Juno Fauna said, her voice calm and level. Sarah flew at the girl, but Elizabeth Grace Bethany Juno Fauna ducked. Sarah landed in a pile and jumped up, a dagger in her hand. She lunged towards Elizabeth Grace Bethany Juno Fauna, but the younger girl blocked it with the sword. Sarah was awed by the beauty of the girl and took the dagger and plunged it into her chest. Elizabeth Grace Bethany Juno Fauna was instantly at her side and healed her with a crystal.
“Come, Elizabeth Grace Bethany Juno Fauna, we must tarry no longer. For today, I make you queen, and I will resign my place as king of the Underground.” Her father said. Together Elizabeth Grace Bethany Juno Fauna and Jareth teleported home, back to the castle beyond the Goblin city.
Doll: 3/10 Drabble: 4/10
Looking at this doll, it doesn't feel like I'm looking at someone in Labyrinth. It looks like a normal girl standing around in the woods. This would've been improved by expanding the background and including other characters. Overall, this battle "armor" felt like you didn't have enough time to do it. You could've done a lot better than this.
This story was too brief. While it included a good amount of Sue elements, you didn't include enough story or a decently described trial to earn good points. Your Sue elements got you somewhere, but that is all you had going for you here.
This doesn't look like a warrior Sue at all, let alone a character from Labyrinth. There's no elements of either in this doll; it's just a perfectly ordinary character. It would be improved a great deal with a bigger background and also some more detail to the doll's clothing and armour.
The story, while fitting the minimum criteria, was just not long enough to grab my attention. You did include a great deal of Sueishness, however the story appears unfinished due to the lack of detail.
image: from google
edit: by me
Last edited by Miranda_ : 12-13-2010 at 03:23 PM.