View Single Post
(#3 (permalink))
Aussiemum777's Avatar
Aussiemum777 (Offline)
TDP Greeter
Posts: 534
Join Date: Nov 2006
Rating: 6 Votes / 4.83 Average
Default 11-13-2010, 11:08 PM

Image from google
everthing else is from my online maker

Name: Sikuma Rei Ayame Hina Shou Midori
Age: Immature 13
Fandom: Angel Sanctuary
Sikuma Rei Ayame Hina Shou Midori stood impatiently whilst getting fitted for her armour, Her attitude was particularly aggressive today knowing full well that the quest to battle her long time arch enemy "BOYZ" was about to begin, “I told you I wanted it pink”, I wish you lower angels would listen for once, I have earned my third wing and it wasn’t easy let me tell you!"
The (lower) angels were fashioning the armour to Sikuma’s wishes but it wasn’t easy and it wasn't going well.

Kenichi, "I want a full set of Adamantium armour which can be sourced from Morrowind in the The Elder scrolls, Kill Apelles Matius from the Dark brotherhood in the temple sewers he will have it, Hurry, Adamantium is highly enchantable, and I need it".
Kenichi scurried off wandering what was in store for her if she failed in her quest.

Takashi, "Go now into the World of Warcraft and get me the Enchant cloak formula named Mighty armour, Enchanting my cloak with this will give me +225 additional armour, You can purchase this from Vanessa Seller from the store called Simply Enchanting in Dalaran, You will need 4 level 80 dream shards and level 430 enchant, so go now…. you may be a while earning those levels".
Takashi knew that this would take a long while to complete.

Kamisama, "My shied is to be made from dragon scale", "Enter Dragon Age & Use Kolgrim’s horn to summon the High dragon in her lair on the mountain top overlooking the village of Haven, You will need to defeat her from a distance with missile weapons, Beware this female dragon who is over 1000 years old she will pick you up and throw you like stones, after defeating her she will drop some amazing treasure including dragon scale, Take this dragon scale to wade at "Wades Emporium" in Denerim, he will make it for you, Beware, This battle may take several tries, I know from experience, Be quick and Do not disappoint me".
Kamisama wondered whether she will ever return from this quest.

Yuki, "Go fetch my Seven Blades Sword from my chambers it is behind the secret wall, behind my dresser, I have forgotten the secret password so you will have to figure it out for yourself” I think it has something to do with the seventh blade of the seventh sun in the seventh year”, Sikuma mumbles, I am sure you will decipher it, Don’t come back empty handed".
Yuki eventually returned with the sword and a bewildered look in her eyes.
Sikuma Rei Ayame Hina Shou Midori rolled her eyes, She did not think that she was being unreasonable in her demands at all.

After many weeks of waiting, The ever so bored Sikuma Rei Ayame Hina Shou Midori tucks away her 3 wings and puts on her newly acquired, super shiny, uniquely crafted, awesomely magical suit of armour that absolutely no-one else has in this world, she decides to parade it up & down the main street of Heaven, Hoping to get some cheers, after all she can’t help but to show it off, all of her teen friends from school thought that she was an exhibitionist but of course Sikuma knew she looked astonishingley super gorgeous in it, and it also made her look skinny, They’re just jelous bit.ches.

Sikuma Rei Ayame Hina Shou Midori's arch enemy Boys was heard to be residing in the lower corner of Hell, Knowing full well that Boyz didn't have his sidekicks around so she thought that she would have a good advantage to beat him, especially now that she wore her awesomely magical unbeatable unbelievably shiny armour, there was no possible way that he could win.

Sitting in his corner in the left corner of Hell, Boyz saw Sikuma Rei Ayame Hina Shou Midori coming and decided to try trickery, In the softest, gentlest, most hypnotic voice that he could muster, he spoke” I am your mother Sikuma, they have imprisoned me within this body for eternity, if you want to help me then please do not damage this body for if you do I will surely die, Please Sikuma I love you, You are the only one who cares for me now”
Sikuma, feeling very strangely under the influence of some strange force indeed began to succumb to this hypnotic voice that spoke to her, she started to drift off in her mind, she felt herself slowly but surely being taken away somewhere else, she was almost at the point of no return when she remembered something vital, Her mother was already dead, Knowing full well that this trickster had tried to decieve her she turned to face her enemy, looking straight into his dark, cruel, empty eyes she took her newly sharpened, super shiny sword and with one foul swoop she severed his archilles, unable to walk & falling down onto a nearby cloud he sat and turned his face towards her, Sikuma Rei Ayame Hina Shou Midori gleefully smiled and looked at him and said, “You will bow down to me Boyz and kiss my”, No longer will you be a threat to me or my friends, with that Boyz did indeed bow down and kiss her
The End.

Doll: 7/10 Drabble: 8/10

Doll Critique.
I really like the doll itself. The pink armor and that cape was just too much! However, I feel like the background choice wasn't the best. I found the other angel in particular distracting. You may have been better off choosing the tower from the end as a background. Then it would've kept the gloomier aspects, but without the distraction that takes away from your work.

Drabble Critique.
This is the most Sue-ish story I have ever read. The fandom overlap and the absolutely insane trials you assigned to the angels were hillarious. In a sense, you took the assignment and twisted it in a unique way that no one else thought of. The ending was too brief though after all of the build up. Sikuma feels more vengeful than that, especially when she was so cruel to the people around her.

Doll Critique.
Pink armour, what a total scream. XD I can totally imagine a Mary Sue all dolled up in hot pink armour in order to fight her pointless battle; your doll totally hit the mark in that. Plus the stiletto heeled boots, which would be completely uncomfortable as well as being hampering to the Sue in a fight.

Drabble Critique.
I just about threw up a little in my mouth reading this drabble; what a sickening Mary Sue you have created! Those trials were just hysterical; and all the pointless details and purple prose just clinched it. I agree with guest judge tho; the ending seemed a bit abrupt and a bit more could have been added to it to make it totally Sueish.

Last edited by Miranda_ : 12-13-2010 at 03:57 PM.
Digg this Post!Add Post to del.icio.usBookmark Post in TechnoratiFurl this Post!