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Kiwi_Kat (Offline)
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Posts: 481
Join Date: Jun 2008
Zodiac Sign: Pisces
Rating: Not Rated
Default 11-06-2010, 02:25 PM

Name: Master Trainer Eliza Theresa Constance Orchid Ketchum
Age: 8
Fandom: Pokemon
Drabble: Master Trainer Eliza Theresa Constance Orchid Ketchum had just picked up her Magikarp from the daycare center. Normally the owner would have thought someone stupid for putting so much attention into a Magikarp, but this was Eliza! Her Magikarp was level 100 and only at the daycare center because her 9 PCs were full.
"Magikarp: this is your day to shine. Ash is in town and I want to show him how much I have improved! I want you to battle today. Just you."
Eliza Theresa had agreed to meet her brother that day in Solence town for an epic showdown. Ash was expecting her to come with her Mew and he knew that he was destined to loose. But he didn't care because he loved to see his sister happy.

It was a beautiful and sunshiny day. The Starlies and Fearrows were singing and it was warm and peaceful. Eliza was in her outfit for the Sinnoh region: a pink skirt weaved from the silk of a Silkoon and dyed with the colors of a Meganium's petal, and black vest that showed of her figure as if it was edited in a computer, and boots as soft as the fur on an Etei.
Ash and Eliza were prepared for battle. Eliza had allowed Ash to put forth his best pokemon all at once even thought the rule limit is two.
"Charzard! Bayleaf! Cyndaquil! Pikachu! I choose you!" Then all four of them appeared from their poke balls.
"I choose..." Eliza started. "Here it comes " Thought Ash. "Magikarp!"
Ash was dumb struck. "Magikarp? That is the weakest pokemon on the planet! I might have a chance here!"

They battled for 27 seconds. And Eliza Theresa Constance Orchid Beat all of Ash's best pokemon with her Magikarp. Unlike what Ash thought would happen, Magikarp was able to beat all of them with one Splash even though the attack normally causes no damage whatsoever, but Eliza's Magikarp was a Magical one spawned from a regular Magikarp and Jirachi. Ash didn't mind though. He was just glad to see his family on his long journey to becoming as good a trainer as his little sister.

"I'm really sorry Ash. I didn't hurt them to badly did I?"
"Nah they'll be alright."
They both went to the Poke Center to heal Ash's pokemon. "Are you sure there's nothing I can do? I feel really bad."
"Lizzy, I'm fine."
Eliza thought long and hard about how she could make it up to her big brother. "I got it! I know where to find Deoxis. I'll tell you if you promise not to be mad at me anymore."
"Lizzy, I was never mad at you. I was actually proud of you for becoming so much better than the last time I saw you. And with a Magikarp! But how could I refuse an offer like that? Sure!"

Ash went on to search for Deoxis with his new traveling team, and promised to come back and battle Eliza once he caught it. But Eliza new that wouldn't be for a while. Ashe wasn't skilled enough to catch it, and had too much pride to return without it.
"Oh well. Maybe in a few years I'll go up to space and help him. Huh Magikarp? You want to know if you can help?" *blub blub* "Of course you can!"

Dollmaker: PURRRFECTION and TDP Preps
Bakground: Google
Reference picture
(Lot's of editing happened here. Let's just say that where the new pokemon are now, was a GIF picture of a pokemon that isn't there anymore...)

Doll: 10/10 Drabble: 6/10

Doll Critique.
I'm really impressed with this doll. You included a lot of small details that people unfamiliar with the fandom may not get, but is definitely important to the character's Sue-ness, such as the fact that she has full HP, has already defeated the majority of Ash's pokemon, and is fighting with a Magikarp of all things Your work is clean and finished, excellent work!

Drabble Critique.
Way to hit off the Sue characteristics quickly. A level 100 magikarp, capturing a ton of pokemon, and outshining the main character, who is a brother! Impressive. Beautiful touch taking Magikarp's splash and making it super awesome. I would've liked to see more battle details since this was a story about the battle itself. The story felt way too brief and you had too many excellent elements to have let it fall like that.

Doll Critique.
I absolutely adore this doll! It looks just like a scene taken right from the game, just like all the other dolls. I'm impressed; you've got a real talent for doing this. ^^ I lol at the idea of a Magikarp whupping all those high level Pokemon; very Sue! Well done!

Drabble Critique.
Very enjoyable and tied in neatly with the doll. However, I would have preferred a longer drabble by far with a bit more wealth of detail. I do like the pointless description of the Sue's clothing tho. XD

"I feel you breathing... Everywhere...The rain, the hay... please. Please Wendela."

Last edited by Miranda_ : 12-13-2010 at 03:14 PM.
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