10-26-2009, 11:22 PM
I've found that my scars come out when I tan, though they aren't massively noticeable with everything else. My arms are scarred over from burns and accidents to begin with, so they seem natural there on my blotchy skin. Also, some of my skin no longer tans, so they don't look unusual. I remember seeing them really well when I was younger though, so much so that I avoided going out so that I wouldn't gain color that would make them visible. I suppose though its easier for me to see them because I know what they look like, to anyway else they just look like pale white lines on the tops of my wrists(the ones on my legs are not visible since I never tan them, with good reason).
I find myself doing things like digging my nails into my hands, biting my lip, and sometimes scrapping things along my arms. I try very hard not to do it, but its difficult when its your own body. You can't get rid of every possibility, so it feels like a huge test every time I have to stop myself and gain control.
Miranda, I used to cut my legs to cover it up. In fact, I did it there more since most people never expected to see me in anything other than pants, so it was easy to hide and completely natural. I know how you feel about the fight too, something similar happened with me and my boyfriend in april that resulted in me taking his knife with the intentions to cut and him basically having to attack me once he caught me to get me stop. I remember crying about wanting to so bad, though he was on me so fast when he realized that I never had a chance. I feel awful about it now since I don't want to go back to hurting myself, but its that instant first resort when things become too much.