08-04-2009, 03:22 PM
I've known I was 'different' since I was a little kid. It took me until age 8 to realise there was a real attraction to the same gender. I'm boy crazy, and I admit it. My friends call me that. (But they don't know, that in secrecy, I'm quite girl-crazy, probably even MORE than boy-crazy. ) They don't know I'm bis3xual, but two days ago, I came out to one person I knew in real life. Only one, and I told her over an e-mail on a site called Neopets, and I told her in code. The girl is so innocent and pure she didn't understand my code, so I had to send her to Urban Dictionary with one of the code words, before she understood. XD I didn't know how she would react, but I knew I could trust her of all people. She took it okay. I'm know trying to work up the courage to tell other people. My best friend, who I have had a crush on since before I ever was her friend, for instance. I'm not going to tell her that I like her, though. I don't want to tarnish our friendship. XD
The people I'm most scared of telling are my parents and family. Mom and Dad say that they would be fine with it, but I know them, and they don't 'walk the walk'. As for my 17 year old brother, he makes 'f@gg0t' and 'dyk3' jokes. Of course, he likes g@y men to cut his hair, so . . . I do know that my brother is a joking guy, and that's just what I hope it is: Jokes.
But I'm so scared. So scared.
I'm moving to a new town in a year, and plan on coming out to some of the school this year, and a year of hate is fine. I'm hated on already. Why should I care? I shouldn't, but I do.
Of course, I'm only 13. People are gonna say, "You are 13 years old, how would you know what you are!? You don't know anything about attraction or love or anything! "
In all honesty, many GLBT kids have it figured out long before their straight counter-parts. Many know they are different, and it takes them longer to figure out what, but when they do, some go through denial, and eventually realise it's true.
It isn't easy being a GLBT kid. But what so many people don't understand about me is this: I know what I am. It isn't a phase, it's always been there. I was born this way. And for a long time, all I wanted was to be straight. I never wanted to be hated by society. Yet I am.
Currently, I like a girl. I don't currently like a guy. I like my best friend. I liked her before she was my friend. I love her laugh, her smile, her bubbly personality, her half-hispanic, half-caucasian complexion. I love the freckles on her full, big lips. I love her personality. I like it when she sings, regardless of how bad it is. Only, I think she's straight. She has this crush, who she is having trouble getting over. Sometimes I wonder, though. She doesn't always act like a 'normal'(whatever that is, XD ) straight girl does, so I have to wonder. I wish she liked me back, but I know the odds are very slim of that ever happening.
Sometimes I still want to be straight. But I know that it isn't going to happen. Not being straight is like nature's way of curbing the birth rate.
Back after a hiatus!
Touched upon the brow,
An angel child;
Fair and pure.