07-07-2009, 09:54 PM
These aren't really endings, but I'm going to type up random parodies, in no particular order. :P
Bella: "OMG, you're, like, soooo dangerous and hot."
Edward: "You smell... nice? Kind of like that cheap perfume I smelt at the dollar store. I like to smell things. Smells are nice."
Bella: "Thank you, irresistible pale guy! I think I, like, love you!"
Edward: "I can't read your mind. You must be special."
Bella: "Sorry, I spaced out there. What was that you said?"
Edward: "I think you should see the real me. Stand back! I'm dangerous and..."
Edward (steps into the sunlight): "I sparkle."
Bella: "Like, OMG! That's adorable!"
Edward: "I'm not adorable... I'm dangerous."
Bella: "You're like a little sparkly toy! Or maybe a Vegas show girl!"
Edward (looks down): "Wow, way to ruin my manhood."
Edward: "I have something to tell you."
Edward: "I'm a vampire."
Bella: "Really? Like Dracula?"
Edward: "No. Not exactly... The author of this book made us wimps. We're not cool enough to drink human blood. We play baseball though. >.>"
Edward: "I have something else to tell you."
Edward: "I'm a 117 year old virgin."
Jacob: "I like your daughter."
Bella: "Thank you. I like her too."
Jacob: "No. I LIKE her..."
Bella: "Oh. That's cool."
Nessie, upset over her terrible name, goes on a killing spree. She kills her parents and the rest of her "family", then runs - or rather, crawls - away with Jacob, where they live in "peace". Nessie gets pregnant at 12 years old, and Jacob doesn't believe it's his. They end up on Jerry Springer, and Nessie makes sure to get her "Jerry Beads" by flashing the audience. O_O
Edward, Bella, and Nessie all go on a road trip around the U.S. Suddenly, the car blows up, and they all die a terrible and gruesome death. The murderer? A Canadian girl named Hayley. She doesn't get jail time though, because she helped save the world from anymore Mary/Gary Sues being reproduced. Instead, she gets many medals and awards, and they even start a bomb making company in her honour. XD