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Default Fallout: The Backdraft - 03-16-2009, 07:12 PM

Welcome to the Capital Wasteland! This is the voice of your lord and master speaking - whoops, that's that other radio station. I hear that more people are coming out of the Vaults dotting our humble wastelands, so this is a special bulletin just for them. Course, couldn't hurt for the rest of you numbskulls to listen if you need a refresher course.

This, my dear Vault Dwellers, is the Capital Wasteland. There's more Wasteland out there, of course, but nobody ventures too far away from here lest they lose my awesome signal. Haha! Kidding. Specifically speaking, this particular slice of heavenly hell on Earth is the ruins of the capital of the United States of America. What is that? I don't know, go ask a Ghoul! Well, not a Feral one, mind you, that's the ones that run after you all slobbery-like and - ewww. Sorry, I'm offending some delicate natures here.

Y'see, so far as I can tell about two hundred years ago a ton of atomic bombs went off and all of a sudden, Washington D.C. was a mess. Collapsed buildings, dead people's shadows burnt into the walls, it was a disaster. Even worse, creatures known today as Super Mutants started attacking everybody left alive, and it wasn't for another hundred years before we got our ***** back in gear.

Time for a little lesson on the types of people and things and whatnot who live around here.

There are people running around known as Raiders and Slavers. Neither of them have any real regard for life; p*ss them off and you're done. The Raiders take no prisoners, unless you've got the balls to prove to them that you're as tough as they are. Fat chance! The Slavers don't usually kill; these guys take prisoners like no tomorrow and sell them as slaves. They don't care what skin color you are, who you are, what you look like, they will take you and sell you to the highest bidder. Here in the Wasteland, the only racism that comes around is whether or not you're a Ghoul or a regular ol' Joe. Or Susie. Or even both. It doesn't matter. Unless you're Chinese, for some reason some of the REALLY old Ghouls hate them. Probably because of the Chinese's siege of Alaska back in 2077... which yeah, was 200 years ago. Old furts.

Ah, the trade caravans; we love them, we hate them, we still buy their stuff because believe it or not, without them we'd have very little to survive on. They and their mercenary bodyguard buddies scavenge the wastes for products we can use - for a price. Oh yeah, forgot to mention this to the newbies in town; our currency is a little thing called bottlecaps. You know, those metal things on the Nuka Cola bottles? Yeah, we use those. Money in the old sense don't mean sh*t.

There are two types of Mercenaries. Well, several but we're starting with the "good" guys. They take on bodyguard duties, guard duties, you name it, they do it. Well, unless it's a little too risque for their taste; those always go toward the Talon Company mercs. If these guys are gunning for you, say your prayers - you probably won't survive the attack.

You didn't hear this juicy tidbit from me, but rumor has it that androids - you heard me right, these are synthetic humanoid robots! - walk among us, having escaped from god knows where; they're treated like slaves, like they have no emotions. These guys are more human than you can imagine. I can't tell fake from real. Well, except that one that had white blood, that was a weird moment...

This just in: An alien spacecraft was found over by the mysterious Oasis Rock. Course, the alien is dead, but nobody's touching him. Pretty interesting to gawk at, if I may add, and it's pimping out a very interesting broadcast of 'blip blip bleeep bloop blap bliiip', if anybody speaks Alien lemme know so I can broadcast it.

And now for our little creatures! Everything can be eaten. Well, except for the robots of course.

Robots - most notably the RoboBrains, the Mister Gutsy, the Protectron, the various butler versions of Mister Gutsy - were partially destroyed, but due to buildings withstanding the atomic forces, they still exist and run on fission batteries that never seem to run out. Most robots out in the Wasteland are hostile and attack everything they see, most common of these being Protectrons - laser-ridden metallic beasts - and the Robobrains, which for some reason have humanoid brains and talk like a pr*stitute looking for a payer. Mister Gutsies can often be programmed to work for you, but I'd back off; they are military-grade bozos and while they may act like they're obeying your every command, they may end up hating your guts. The butler version is much more amiable, but still, be careful; their jokes are terrible!

Dogs. Yes, we've got dogs and weirdly enough, they've been largely unaffected by radiation as far as we can tell. We've got regular dogs and Feral dogs. Enough said. Most dogs are too skinny to even HAVE meat on them. Besides, it just feels wrong to think about it.

Brahmin are cows, two headed cows to be exact. While they too have been exposed to radiation, for some odd reason their milk has been known to quell radiation poisoning and even help cure major rad poisoning. You'd have to talk to Moira Brown up in Megaton for that though; she's a quirky lady! Anyway, we've got some Mad Brahmin running loose 'round Canterbury Commons, so watch your back. Their horns hurt. A lot. Their meat's alright. I guess.

Mirelurks are the most annoying creature. Ever. I'm not even kidding. They love water to death, and while they don't fight each other, it's pretty annoying when the King Mirelurks start ganging up on you. Their meat