IV. The First Time: Losing the V-Card
Virginity: The state of having not had sex. Typically refers to vagin.al sex, but it can mean all forms of sexual intercourse. It is incorrectly identified through the presence of a hymen in a woman, which may be broken through nonsexual activity. Some consider this a rite of passage or a milestone in one's life.
If you are here, I think its safe to assume that you are considering losing your virginity in one form or another or have recently heard something about it. There are some important things you should think about before proceeding with a decision to lose your virginity, especially if you aren't of the legal age of consent in your state/country.
Making the Decision: Pressure, Timing, & Consequences
Pressure. Before doing anything, are you sure you are making this choice for you? Your virginity isn't something to be tossed away on any person, it is something that you will remember for the rest of your life. If you feel pressured by a partner or aren't certain, DON'T do it. Most teens are lieing when they say they have lost it, so don't feel the need to follow the crowd if the time isn't right. Also, sex will not save a relationship, so do not engage in it if you feel pressure from things other than people.
Rushing. So, you think you are certain, but is this the right partner or time? This should be a special moment for you with someone who you care about and trust. The possible pain involved and the anxiety of losing your virginity is a lot, especially if you aren't with someone who you can relax with. If you haven't been exploring sexually for a good amount of time or just began your relationship, wait. The same applies if you aren't comfortable or familiar with your body; you can't have an enjoyable experience if you don't know what things you like, so explore for yourself first. Opportunities for sex will come again, a bad experience will never go away.
Situation: Drugs & Alcohol. Will drugs and alcohol be involved in the situation when you expect to lose your virginity? If so, don't continue. Drugs and alcohol can lead to regrets and even more pain because of the lack of attention being paid to your emotions and physical state. All sexual activity should occur with a mind unclouded by things that ruin your judgement.
Consequences. This is more important than anything else. Can you handle the consequences of pregnancy or a STI? This means you should not only consider if you can maturely handle the situation, which means you will have to turn to an adult for help if you are underage because that is the mature thing to do. Also, can you afford the various pregnancy options(abortion, doctors visits during the pregnancy, raising a child)? Can you afford treatment if you have a curable STI or deal with the possibility of catching an incurable one? Do you have a steady flow of income(NOT ALLOWANCE!) with which to afford these things? If not, don't have sex.
Steps to Take Before Sex
So, you have decided this is the right time and the right person, but there are other things you need to do first.
Doctor Visits. Before getting into this situation, visit your doctor. They will not only be able to answer questions, but can provide vital information on contraceptives and test for STIs. You and your partner should always be tested first to ensure your wellbeing. Most STIs aren't detectable for years and even if your partner claims they havent been active, that is not always the truth. Be safe, think of your health first because some of them can kill you.
Communication. Talk to your partner. Do you both agree that now is the time? What are your expectations for losing it? Do you have fears of pain or pregnancy? How will you handle pregnancy or an STI if they occur? These are just a few of the things you need to consider before moving on. Keep in mind, most teenage boys will tell you one thing, but won't follow through. They are immature and the pregnancy risk also is accompanied with a risk of being a single parent. If you feel your partner might act like this, wait or take all of the precautions possible to prevent pregnancy.
Protection. Decide what you are going to use. Keep in mind, you should pick effective choices that not only protect against pregnancy, but STIs as well. Condoms are cheap and effectively protect against both, though you can obtain hormonal birth control as well to be safe. Don't be afraid of your lack of knowledge of brands or types, choose what you think sounds good. It is also suggested to purchase a container of condom friendly lubricant if you are participating in anal or vagin.al sex because most women, when nervous, do not produce enough lubrication naturally to make losing their virginity easy and the anus does not produce any lubrication at all.
You have picked up protection, you both are clean, and now it is time to have sex, right? Wrong! Rushing straight into sex is usually what makes losing your virginity painful. There are some things which are essential to makin things right.
Mood. While minor, the mood can change everything. Lighting a few candles, turning on some music, and guaranteeing that you are alone is great things to do, even if unnecessary. Make sure where you are having sex is clean and comfortable. No one wants to remember the stench of smelly socks or crumbs in the bed when it comes to their first time.
Get Comfortable. The mood is set, so now it is time to get comfortable. This is a time to relax and get close to your partner. Kissing, cuddling, and rubbing are suggested now. Try to forget about your anxiety since worrying will cause you to tighten up and for the sex to be painful.
Foreplay. Now is the moment where things get sexual. You are relaxed and feeling aroused, so take things to the next level. Explore your bodies and engage in stimulating yourselves through mutual masturba.tion, oral sex, and other sensual things(like kissing, sucking, biting gently, etc). Don't be afraid to direct your partner to what feels good. It is especially important to stimulate the woman or receiver, who will be experiencing the pain involved if you don't make sure they are wet and aroused enough to proceed.
Sex. Your ready to move onto the sex. First, if you are using a condom, make sure to put it on correctly and then apply lubrication if it appears that you or your partner aren't wet enough. Here really is the point where a lot of people disagree. Some say certain positions help make it less painful, but this isn't true. Pick a position that you feel comfortable with and as long as you speak to your partner, everything should be fine. When first entering, make sure to take things slow and do not thrust at first. Your body needs to adjust to the penetrating object. Don't be afraid to tell your partner to stop or to stay still if things hurt and do not be alarmed if there is blood. It doesn't occur for everyone, but is completely natural. When you are feeling comfortable, then you can begin to thrust and change positions if you like. It's up to you now to explore and decide what feels good for you.
The Afterglow: Reality Strikes
You just completed your first time, but there will still be thoughts on your mind.
Disappointment. Sometimes, one partner orga.sms while the other doesn't. Sometimes neither do. Sometimes, it just wasn't as magical as you expected it to be. Sex isn't perfect. It takes practice, so just relax. Just because it wasn't everything you expected doesn't mean it won't ever be good for you.
The Mess. Afterwards, you will have to clean up. First, dispose of the condom if you using one by taking it off well away from the vagin.al area and not touching around there if you spill semen on your hands. There is still a pregnancy risk if it comes in contact outside of you. Also, you may have bled and, if you choose to have sex without a barrier method, there may be semen to clean up as well. Wash yourself up and dry off thoroughly. It is normal for spotting to occur for the next couple of days after.
Pain. Sometimes you will continue to experience pain the next couple of times you try to have sex. This is normal, so just take the precaution of making sure you are fully aroused before having sex. If this doesn't fade after the first couple of times, you should take a break and see a doctor.
Breaking Up. So, you just gave up something special to someone special, right? Sometimes things don't work out, but that isn't something to be worried or upset about. Having sex is completely natural and if someone holds it against you for thinking you choose the right time, that is their problem.
Pregnancy & STIs. Sometimes the worst does happen, but that doesn't make it the end. Go see a doctor and find out your options.