02-09-2009, 04:35 PM
Ooc: Not that bad, I guess. A couple things though.
1) Weaknesses are also known as character flaws. The first two are good, though they kind of overlap, but simply "Math" is not really a weakness. Instead, that could be something like "logically weak" (as math is a logic based subject. However, "glasses are always falling off" is definitely not a character flaw, but more of a trait that may have to do with the size of her nose (her appearance). Same thing goes for Strengths. They also deal with your personality stregths. EG. Outgoing, atheletic, amusing.
2) The bio is a bit short. Biography's usually provide background info on the character. This may include (in general): previous love interests, family history, religion, previous school/work/life experiences, etc.
Here's and example.
Bio: 18 year old Clark's mother is an alcoholic, so she has been taking care of her 3 siblings for the past couple years. She's very independant, and has thus never felt love for anyone since she sees it as something that may hold her back. Clark goes to Church every Sunday, despite being unsure of her beliefs. However, she believes that Christianity may help her through this difficult time in her life. She dropped out of school when she was 16, but no one could ever guess. She works at a small coffee shop down by the coast and spends most of her free time looking out at the water, thinking about where her life had went.
3) No opening paragraph. That's simply a paragraph (or more; it's generally fairly long) helping to introduce your character to the setting, and maybe even have them interact with some of the other characters. Here, you may discuss their current emotions about whatever topic the RP happens to be (in this case, your would mention how excited/scared/maybe even indifferent, your character is to be starting at this high school.
Here's an example:
Clark sat out on the shore, humming pleasantly to herself. She had just gotten off work and had a little less then an hour to relax before she had to head off to meet her sibling after school. It was a long walk, but Anna, Clark's youngest sister, really appreciated her sister being there.
Like every Tuesday afternoon, the walk seemed much colder then any other day of the week, and much more windy. It had rained the day before, so Clark was glad she decided to wear shorts, for her pants would have gotten soaked dragging along in the puddles.
On her way there, she saw a familliar face coming off of the number 26 bus. "Hannah? Is that you?" She asked quietly, tapping the girl on the shoulder.
And that's about all. ^^ So change up your post a bit by using my tips, and hopefully it'll help you in the future.