[LancasterPrincess]

I've experiences a few deaths too. In the past year though are the two that hurt the most: My grandfather and my cat.

My grandfather died of cancer and sadly he died on his daughter's (my mom's) birthday. And my cat which I had since I was 1 year old died (I'm now 19). My cat's death was hard not only because I had him so long, but I think it hurt a lot more that I wasn't there to be with him. I was moving around a lot 2 years ago and because he was so old I couldn't take him with me, so for his 2 last years I never got to see him and I regret that a lot.

I'm not good at accepting death at all and that's really bad, I know. But since I only ever saw my grandfather while I was young, I really haven't accepted him as "gone" yet. It still feels like he's just living in another state.
And as for my cat, I adopted another one that looks just like him and named it after him. So even though I know it's not true, I like to think that Spooky (my first cat) has been re-incarnated into my kitten Spooky Jr.

Aside from the most painful deaths that I have experienced, I've been through 3 more. The first was when I was 5 years old and it was my Great Grandfather. Despite how young I was I remember him an awful lot, and I remember the night he died and I remember his funeral. The second one was another Great Grandfather, and he died when I was in middle school. I remember him well and his death and funeral. And the last one was the death of a friend.

I'm sorry for what you're going through, and I hope you make it to Canada soon.