12-08-2006, 04:17 PM
Aw, I'm so sorry you feel that way. It sounds you're hitting a rough spot in your life, probably not depression. I know what you're thinking, but hear me out, this is a good thing. With depression, we loose the ability to do thing we once loved, that's not to say that you don't have it - but most likely not. At first, I thought you might have depression because of your comment on how you've been angry - just try to find that someone you can talk to it really does help! A note on your suicidal comments, first it's not the answer - your fixing a temporary problem with a premanent solution. Second, do you have a plan on how you would end your life? or a set date when to take your life? Lastly, you've just started entering that time when girls are forming cliques and if you fall between the cracks it's extremely hard to get out. Start by talking more, and even though it's hard don't take what anyone says personally, remember 95% of the people you meet will have below-average intelligence. Comfort yourself with that fact.
I want to express again how I'm here and can help you through this. Part of my unofficial therapy is to help people so they don't have to suffer as I have. Add me to MSN, if you have it or PM me for my private e-mail address.
I want everyone to know they are not alone, and there are other people out there that want to help them through this difficult time.
I just wanted to add on how my day has gone, I went to school today which was a big step. I talked to my regular counselor (god I love her) and like I mentioned before a student assistance counselor. They were both very concerned about me, and were so happy that I was feeling better. I talked to them about various things and we worked out my school work problems, right now I can't have any stress else I will probably fall back into my 'shell'. Ms. Rider (my student assisstance counselor) has told me I NEED to do something outside the house this weekend, and I should try to go back to the barn I use to go to. It'll be hard, but because I want to change and I know there is hope, I'm trying anything.
Oh, I forgot...if you say most people won't understand is because they won't. Unless they have dealt with it or are trained to deal with people with our condition, they just won't get it. Oddly, we have just finished reading Catcher in the Rye, and we had a discussion about depression today. I was jumping in and trying to make them understand, but they just thought people with depression were crazy/could snap out of it/etc. So don't give up if your friends and peers don't get you - talk it out with someone who does.
Your sarcastic, spazzy, and smexy lover!