07-13-2006, 12:34 AM
I lost it three days before my 13'th birthday. It was with a total stranger in the park, and my state of mind wasn't good. I've struggled a lot with depression and suicide, and that night I was upset and just didn't care anymore and did everything blankly. I went out in the middle of the night while everyone slept to get some fresh air. I was on a swingset and the guy walked by back from a party and approached me. He was two years older and it wasn't expected. He talked to me and asked why I was mad and then on my looks began massaging me to 'get rid of my tension' and said stuff like,
"A pretty girl like you should smile more."
And "You know what's the best way to relieve stress and anger?"
And then it just happened. When it was done, I walked home as if nothing had happened and my family never knew, only friends and me and God and my doctor.
I was raised to be Christian, but I never cared to save it until marriage, only until I was comfortable with the person and old enough. When it was done, I was still blank and didn't eally register what I just did, and then I felt strange and kinda scared someone would find out, and weird thing is, I went back to him 4 other times I never really regretted it, though. The only thing I regret is not ever getting what his name was. I didn't have feelings for him at all, though.
I'M DEFINITELY NOT PROUD OF IT but I don't consider it a mistake. I just think it's something that happened. Mentally, I'm a virgin still. It was just s*x, and not making love, and I'm looking forward to the day when I'm older and have someone special to really lose it to.
I know it sounds weird, but it's hard to explain why I don't regret it. I'm not like other girls who are all, "omg I lost it, I'm so cool!" I don't think it's a big deal and I tell girls not to lose it until they're older.
I'm just so young right now, so I'm waiting a few more years until I have it again.
I wanna marry Brenda Song!
(on hiatus currently so art is in storage and out of view)
Add me. ^_^