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Is Divorce Hurting You? @ Girl-Doll Fashion Gossip

  Is Divorce Hurting You? (Doll Article)

(March 16, 2008 by JeZz Send DollMail )
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Some of the latest statistics on divorce are pretty scary. Almost sixty percent of marriages in the United States end in divorce. Second and third marriages have divorce rates of close to eighty percent. As any child of divorce can tell you, the divorce isn’t just between the parents in a family – the whole family is affected.

Children of Divorce

Over one million children will watch their parents divorce this year, and literally half of all babies born in 2008 will end up children of a broken home by the time they are eighteen. In some cases you can probably understand why your parents got divorced, especially if there was cheating or abuse involved, but studies have shown that children almost always wish their parents would find a way to stay together – even if they fight and bicker constantly. That’s not all the studies have shown.

Apparently children who have divorced parents have other problems to worry about. Children of divorce:

•Are more likely to be abused or neglected
•Have more health and behavior problems
•Are involved in more criminal acts
•Are more likely to use drugs and alcohol
• Have higher rates of suicide
•Perform poorly at school
•Are more likely to fail or repeat a grade or drop out
•Will earn less as adults
• Will lose their virginity at a younger age
•Will probably have fewer children of their own
•Will most likely end up divorced

Breaking the Cycle

There is no doubt that these things aren’t very upbeat and positive. But if the numbers are right, by the time you’re in college almost half of your friends will have divorced parents, too. Does this mean that everyone (or half of everyone) will be hurt by divorce?

Just because a study says you can have some serious problems from your parents’ divorce doesn’t mean it has to actually come true. Every family is different and every divorce is different. Kids who see both parents on a regular basis and are lucky enough to have parents who are at least still nice to each other have a serious advantage over those who are suddenly missing a parent or have to hear their parents gripe about each other constantly.

If your parents are divorced, and you think you’re getting the bad end of the deal, you need to be proactive about getting help to break the cycle. Don’t wait for your parents to notice you’re doing badly in school or getting into more fights. They are busy with courts and getting set up in new separate lives. Sure they should be overwhelming you with love and attention during this difficult time, but that doesn’t always happen. Instead, you need to take matters into your own hands.

Deal with It

The worst effects of divorce are the ones you allow to fester under the skin. If you are angry and bitter that your parents have done this, you need to get those feelings out. The longer they stay in, the more damage they can do. It’s perfectly natural to feel sad, angry, furious, frustrated, bitter, relieved, happy, and confused all at the same time. Find a trusted friend, teacher, counselor or therapist to help you talk about everything and work though your feelings.

Talking about hurtful subjects can be uncomfortable, but you won’t be able to heal from a divorce until you work your way through all your thoughts and feelings on the matter. When you’ve processed how you feel (and your feelings will change over time) talk to your parents about them and tell your parents exactly what you need.

Even if your parents got divorced years ago, you might still have unresolved feelings about everything. Your parents might not be comfortable talking about it, and you may cry or shout, but try to stay calm and tell them how you feel and what they can do to make your life as simple as possible at this point. After all, it’s not your fault they split.

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Netherlands, The
Posted On: March 18, 2008
In some cases, even if the realstionship between two parents s lousy, it's better not to get divorced.

The loneliness can be worse than the bad relationship. And I don't think it's good for parents to split up if they have very little chance of getting a new girl- or boyfriend. For example if the parents are workaholic (ahem, mom) or antisocial (ahem, dad)

But I'm getting off track here. xD

Great article.

Divorce is just a very touchy subject for me, because I'm the only person in my circle of friends whose parents are still together.
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Arvada, CO
Posted On: March 17, 2008
Thankfully, my parents have been together for 16 years, and are still showing as muh love to each other as I have always seen. But most of my friends have divorced parents, some have even been through multiple divorces. One of my good friends got a stepmother last year, and now has to move to a completely new school district because they split. She's a mess right now. Thanks for these tips, I might be able to help her out more now, instead of just being a crying shoulder.
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Lafayette, LA
Posted On: March 17, 2008
Hmph. My parents HATE each other, and they're still together. I almost wish they'd get divorced. It's so weird to see grown people talk smack about someone when the other person IS STILL IN THE ROOM.
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Long Grove, IL
Posted On: March 17, 2008
Good article. Though both of my parents have been happily married for nearly 23 years now, I still know plenty of friends and relatives who have had to go under the heartache of a divorce. In fact, it wasn't until I was 12 or so when my dad told us that he had in fact been previously married and divorced before he met my mom. It's scary to look at those statistics, but hopefully when I do get married, we will be able to communicate well enough to work together as a team and come out the stronger through our partnership.
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