Sad but true, there comes a time in all relationships when we just donít get along. The back and forth shouting, the cold shoulder, the icy glare across the room and the hurtful things we say to each other or in our minds. Fights are a part of all relationship, but only you can determine if a fight is a chance to make up or if you should be thinking about a break up.
Who Started It?
Take a few minutes after the heat of battle to gather yourself. Then start taking that fight apart in your mind Ė who started it? Was it an honest misunderstanding between the two of you? Were you attacked for something you didnít do? Did you launch into him for something? Remember, you can settle arguments without a knock-down-drag-out fight. If one of you seems to be constantly starting fights over small things or you both pick at each other constantly building to a big fight, youíre looking at long term problems. The big nasty blow-up you have over an isolated misunderstanding is one thing, but having one of you blow up on the other every week without fail isnít grounds for a happy union.
What Kind of Fight Was It?
Passion is a word that applies to both love and hate. Feeling passionate about something means you care a great deal and can get spun up. We all fight differently and this can hurt or help up in an argument. If the fight was dirty looks at each other until someone started actually picking through the problem, youíre likely okay. If the fight was name-calling, demeaning statements, insults and screams, youíre not. Some passionate couples can have a huge fight and then feel closer at the end of it. Sometimes these relationships remain strong and sometimes they deconstruct.
If youíre passionate and the fighting is fun for both of you, it might just be your way of communicating. If itís hurtful and makes you anxious, your relationship needs a bit of work in the ways of communication. One sure way to tell if itís time for a break up is if you feel no passion at all. If heís mad at you and you honestly donít care (and this is different from just saying you donít care) then why are you with him? Free both of you from a blasť relationship. It goes without saying that a fight that includes physical, emotional or mental abuse is an absolutely deal-breaker.
How Often Do You Fight?
Some relationships simply fade away as we get interested in other things. Others go out with a bang in a single nasty fight that makes us realize how ill-suited we are for each other. But many more start out well and wind up a squabbling mess. If your relationship reaches a point where youíre making up and breaking up constantly and fighting like cats and dogs when it wasnít normal for you a few weeks ago, youíre either looking at the end or you need to do some serious sit-down-communicating to figure out how to make it work again.