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Hi, my name is Day of Silence 2013
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Making a Difference.

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By ThexOnlyxException Send DollMailSend EmailYIM
Created: 2013-03-05 01:06:44 All stories by ThexOnlyxException
Just a bunch of musings.Just, don't mind this at all.

The Day of Silence is April 19th this year though...So keep that in mind.


I was born here, I grew up here, and I plan on furthering my education here. I've watched so many of you grow up, and you've seen me do the same. Today, I'm here to speak out against bullying, but also to tell every single one of you the things you didn't see because I'm sure there are others that felt just like I did.

Now, I know that those of you who know me remember me as the way I am now. Unafraid to say what's on my mind, no matter how stupid it is, and often loud with the way I choose to do so. But what you don't know is that from a young age it was evident that I had a harder time making friends than most of the other kids did. In fact, up until the third grade, I only had one friend.

I particularly remember that even up to that point in my life that I was so painfully shy and uncomfortable with those around me I could barely get the courage to go sharpen my pencil with the pencil sharpener across the room.Sometimes I still feel that way, but we can get into that later. I remember asking my teachers a simple question and regretting it instantly because some particular students found it funny to mock me as I did. So maybe none of you understood my anxiety at the time... I don't hold it against any of you, although I remember who each and every one of you are. But I'm asking that you understand it now.

The first time I got into self harm that I remember was in the fourth grade. By this time I didn't have too much trouble talking to others, but I still found myself caught up in my anxiety from time to time.That day is one of the only memories that are perfectly clear in my mind. It was the third time that my teacher that year made me cry that week. He always had the most horrible things to say about me, and when he did that, my fellow peers would make fun of me as well. A certain boy even went so far as to tell me I should go die because no one wanted me there. So after school, I did my chores and went straight to my room, taking one of my mom's lighters with me as I went. I pulled up the shorts I was wearing that day, and burned the ever living you know what out of my thigh, only stopping when it was too much for me to bear.

No one ever found out about it and I never told anyone.I switched schools not too long after that again.The habit continued until the fifth grade.Eventually, I didn't even really feel that anymore. After being told I was stupid and I wasn't worth anything for so long in my life, I began to believe it. When I think about it now, I guess it just seems pathetic that a little girl of only ten years old felt this way about herself. That kind of thing went off and on well into seventh grade, where someone was finally able to break into my shell a bit. The anxiety calmed for a while, but eventually I realized that trusting people was a huge mistake.(I'd gone straight to cutting by this time, and almost bled out several times.) Fast forward a bit, and I was a freshman. That same group of people I trusted did something I would never forgive them for, or myself for allowing it to happen. One of my two best friends that were apart from that group almost ended up committing suicide because of some events that I'm not at liberty to explain to you. From that point on we drifted apart...Even today our friendships aren't the same.That's one of my only regrets.

I guess my point is that the little comments you make about someone, whether it be about the way they dress, look, act, or their sexual preference matter.Regardless of whether you think they can hear you or not...Your words could make the difference between someone's family getting a call from the hospital asking them to identify a body or an annoying teleparent from the school. So, please, just watch what you say, because when I look on the news and see that another kid has hung themselves I realize that it could have been me.

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